15 Step
by Jenny Jerkface
Summary: 17-year old Bella Swan moves to Forks after being abandoned by her mother. With music as her only friend and a penchant for trouble, Bella just wants to be left alone. Unfortunately, her behavior attracts the attention of hot tempered Edward Cullen.
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE - Roads**

"Bella, hurry!" my mother called to me from the bottom of the stairs. I scowled in her general direction as I stuffed some clothes into my duffel bag. "Your flight is going to leave without you."

Good," I huffed under my breath as I picked up my iPod and stared at it. I should have known this was coming four months ago when Renee surprised me with the iPod. She knew how much I loved music, knew how important, how _necessary_ it was to me. I shoved the device into the pocket of my jeans, draping the ear plugs over my neck and sticking the right one in my ear. The soft sound of a drumbeat soothed me a little.

"There you are!" Renee grabbed a piece of luggage that was resting against the hallway. "Come on now, Phil's outside waiting."

"I can't believe you're doing this to me," I mumbled to her, letting the duffel bag fall to the floor with a thud.

"It's only for a few months," she replied, her voice taking on a tone that was meant to be comforting, yet wasn't...

Yeah, right. She's said that before. It was a scene we had played out more times than I would prefer to remember. I heaved my duffel bag over my shoulder and cranked up the music, watching her lips twist, the movement discordant with the pounding beats in my ears. I stared at her numbly until Renee finally frowned and plucked an ear plug from my ear.

"Must you always have those darn things in?" she groused, "I'm trying to talk to you."

And I'm trying to ignore you. I sighed and gave her my bored 'I'm listening' look.

"You liked Forks," she told me as she ushered me out of the door and into the dry sweltering heat.

"I don't remember Forks," I replied bluntly, "we left when I was four."

"Well, you did." Phil came over and relieved Renee of my suitcase, grinning at me as if I was about to embark on some exciting adventure. I wanted to punch him right in his face. It must have showed on my face because the grin slide off his. "And you liked Charlie, too."

"Uh huh."

Renee looked askance at my lack of enthusiasm. "It'll only be until Phil and I get settled." She turned her back to open the car door. "Just a few months."

I slumped into the back seat of the car, the air conditioning blasting frigid around me and I shivered. A few months. The woman must think I'm stupid not to see the pattern emerging. Every time she got a new man, she got a new life - one that didn't include me. I flipped the iPod back on. _I wanna live in a city with no friends or family/ I'm gonna look out the window of my color TV/ I wanna remember to remember to forget you forgot me..._

Renee twisted in her seat to say something to me but I closed my eyes and let the music take over.


	2. FortySix & 2

I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. Eighteen and over only.

**

* * *

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**Chapter 1: Forty-Six & 2**

Six weeks. I stared out through the rain spattered windshield of the old Chevy as it shuddered and heaved, idling roughly as I waited impatiently for the light to turn green. It'd been six long weeks since Renee dumped me off here in Forks, six weeks since I'd even heard from her. Six weeks since I'd been living with Charlie, who was a stranger at best. If Phoenix was heaven, Forks, Washington was definitely the epicenter of hell - a very moist hell, to say the least. Six weeks felt like an eternity - not a good sign when I needed another whole year to graduate high school.

The light turned green and I jerked the clutch, pumping my foot on the pedal as the truck lurched forward. What a hunk of junk – the only thing I could afford. A flash of silver in my side view mirror told me the person behind me didn't think I was moving fast enough and, as the Volvo swerved expertly around me, I pressed my middle finger against the window, hoping the driver could see it through the fog before he zoomed in front of me and disappeared down the highway.

"Asshole," I muttered to myself, heaving back against the torn fabric of the seat; I shoved one earbud in and flipped on my iPod, the heavy music doing nothing to lighten my dark and angry mood. _…I don't care about your routine/I refuse to fall in with the disarmed machines/ I don't give a fuck how hard you are/ don't care about your incentives or your values…_

Reluctant to head back to Charlie's house, I instead stopped off at Waylin's,the local diner. The bell jingled overhead and the hinges squawked as I pushed open the door; everyone looked up, expecting to recognize the person walking in. A few did, but most just regarded me with unabashed curiosity.I was a stranger in a town small enough that there was no such thing. I planned on keeping it that way.

"Hi Bella," the waitress greeted me warmly as I slid onto a stool at the counter, tugging an earbud loose, a feeble attempt to be polite."How's Charlie?"

"Fine," I replied grimly, flipping open the menu she placed before me, absently looking at the list,"I'll have the garden burger."

Her lips tightened at my curtness but she gave me a short smile and told me my order would be coming right up. I imagined her grumbling about my rudeness to the cook in the back, probably wondering why on earth Charlie even agreed to take me in again. My presence would earn Charlie the title of Saint. It was the least I could do for him, I reasoned. Graciousness was not my strong suit.

Charlie. I sighed. It wasn't that Charlie was a bad guy; it was just that I didn't know him and I didn't particularly _want_ to know him. I was tired of being pushed off on relatives or, even worse, neighbors, whenever Renee got herself a new husband. I shook my head, trying to dislodge the unpleasant thoughts as something hot flashed down my spine and settled tightly in my stomach. I loathed being the burden no one wanted to deal with. Renee must have been really desperate to get rid of me this time if she pawned me off on an ex-husband. Charlie may have been naively dazzled by Renee's charm years ago, but things were different now.

Renee and Charlie met when I was only an infant. According to Renee, my father was vehemently opposed to my being brought into existence and refused to take part in either of our lives. I don't know how much truth there is to that but, since he never bothered to contact me, I returned the snub by not even thinking about him. Charlie filled that fatherly void, if only for a little while, and had even given me his had to welcome me then, if he wanted my mother. We were, after all, a package deal at the time, and one he accepted with only a small amount of reluctance. Why he'd agreed to take me in again mystified me. His kindness rankled but I had no choice but to take it.

Thoughts of Renee and Charlie made me lose my appetite and I absently munched on the fries before giving up entirely and pushing the plate away.

Drizzle greeted me when I left the diner and headed back to the truck. Another heavy sigh and I tugged my hoodie over my hair, a futile gesture. The moisture seeped through everything, enveloping my body in a constant cool dampness that I never seemed able to get rid of. It was yet another reminder of how spoiled I had been in Arizona. I crossed my arms over my chest, shivering. _I'll be the winter coat/ buttoned and zipped straight to the throat, with the collar up so you won't catch a cold…_

The music was low enough that I was still able to detected a slight purr of a car approaching, and I side-stepped further into the shoulder to avoid being splashed by the numerous puddles littering the road. I turned to watch as it cruised by me and noted, with a start, that it looked like the same silver Volvo that had passed me earlier. My surprise turned smug as I glimpsed the driver glowering at me through the window. I guess he'd gotten my message. I met his angry glare and gave him a cheery little wave, enjoying the violence in his gaze. He was about my age, and looked vaguely familiar, though his silhouette was murky through the fogged window. He shot off like a rocket down the road.

"Whoa," a voice behind me said. I jumped at the sound and whirled around, tensed. A towheaded teen was leaning against a car, grinning goofily at me, oblivious to my narrowed eyes.

"Shouldn't mess with the Cullens," he called out, his eyes running up and down my body. Ridiculous. I was completely shrouded in a thick sweatshirt, yet he still gazed at my figure with glazed eyes.

"Who the hell are the Cullens?" I replied tersely, even though the name rang a bell. "And who are you?"

"I'm Mike Newton." He jovially shoved a meaty hand in my direction. His tone, his whole demeanor just screamed 'dumb jock', from his silly basketball sneakers that were squelching into the wet earth up to his gelled, stiff blond hair. I stared at his hand for a moment, and then remembered that civility called for me to shake it, which I did quickly.

"Well, actually, not all the Cullens,"Mike conceded thoughtfully."just the youngest one. Nasty attitude, that one. Thinks he's better than everyone else. Rumor has it he's got a bit of a temper."

I shrugged."I'm not too worried about it."

Mike's blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "Maybe you should be," he told me mysteriously.

I rolled my eyes and headed toward my truck. "Why is that?" I called over my shoulder.

"Because, judging from that look he just gave you, you're already on his bad side."

I leveled a gaze at the boy."I think I can take care of myself." My tone was haughty and full of rebuke as I climbed into the cab of my truck, slamming the door before he could even think of continuing the conversation. So much for civility.

The next day dawned bright and sunny, surprising me. Quickly, I tugged on my jeans and tossed a black sweater over my head, yanking a comb through my wavy hair as I brushed my teeth. As usual, I slept poorly the night before and felt groggy, cranky. Or maybe Forks just made me that way.

Forty six more weeks to go, I reminded myself sternly as I frowned at my reflection in the mirror in the small cramped bathroom I shared with Charlie. Seemed like an eternity. As I coaxed the old truck toward Forks High School, I silently prayed the day would be short and sweet.

I'd managed to avoid all but some curious stares my first few weeks at school. One or two people had tried to approach me and I handled it coolly, politely, even though I was desperately wishing everyone would just leave me alone. I wasn't exactly planning on staying in Forks long, after all. All those kids, eager to make friends with me, only wanted to because I was new. I was interesting. It would only be a matter of time before they realized that I was not someone they wanted to be friends with. I was good at the role of New Girl, thanks to Renee and constantly moving me from city to city, and I knew how this would ultimately end. They did not; I was really doing them all a favor by remaining aloof.

I had nothing in common with any of them, anyway. Especially here, where everyone knew each other from the cradle. Their families grew up together, shared holidays together, planned vacations together. 'Together' was a foreign concept to me and I couldn't fit in even if I tried. And I had stopped trying a long time ago. It was inevitable that by the time I actually made a friend, Renee would be telling me to pack my bags.

The truck door swung shut with a groan that was grating enough to be heard over the music filtering into my ears. _They're waiting to hate you so give them an excuse/ they say it changed you I know that can't be true…_ I snorted at the song – how utterly fitting.

"Hi Bella!" Jessica Stanley planted herself in front of me as I walked toward Biology class, Mike Newton trotting by her side. I should probably have realized that I went to school with him when I met him yesterday, but everyone looked the same to me. With an unsettling twinge I became aware that I had barely paid attention to my classmates these past few weeks. A careless mistake. I needed to categorize them, learn which ones were the bullies, or who carried weight with the student body, should I ever need to get on their good side. High school wasn't about being sociable. It was business.

Jessica was perky and pert, a dirty blond with big breasts that I thought Mike should be ogling instead of mine. She was also totally useless to me, a brainless sheep intent on following her peers as they marched toward future mediocrity.

"Hi Jessica," I mumbled, trying to skirt around her,"Mike."

"It's a beautiful day!" Jessica prattled on, "isn't it? We should, like, totally do something after school today –"

"Um, thanks Jess, but I can't," I cut her off abruptly, "look, I've got to run to messed up my schedule and this is my first time in that class, so I don't want to be late."

Jessica's face crumpled at my lack of enthusiasm, but she threw me a 100-watt smile and flounced off, with Mike somewhat reluctantly following after her.

Conversations stuttered when I walked into the classroom and handed the teacher my pass, ignoring the stares and whispers as I made my way to the chair Mr. Banner gestured toward.I slid into it, thankful that the seat next to me was empty and hopeful it would remain that way. But as the classroom I filled, I realized the chances of that were slim to none.

The door swung open, my gaze automatically rising to see who was walking swept over me and I started to laugh.

It was the Volvo driver. Quickly, I ducked my head, smothering my laughter with a faux cough. He raked the chair across the linoleum next to me and flopped into it, without even bothering to glance in my direction.

I choked back another snicker, peeking through the lock of hair that separated us to surreptitiously study him. I wasn't concerned with him recognizing me from yesterday – I had had my hood up in the rain and I was too ordinary to stand out, anyway.

His features were regal and beautiful; I wondered how long he spent in the morning trying to achieve his seemingly-effortless tousled bronze hair. He had that arrogant affectation of people who know they are good looking; easy and unconcerned, as if he could get anything he wanted with a snap of his fingers. It occurred to me that probably could. His clothes were expensive but not ostentatious, and I was well aware of the vehicle he drove. Edward Cullen.

I tried to dredge up what little information I had heard whispered about the Cullens. Ridiculously wealthy, living in an area where most were middle class. There were two brothers – Emmett and Edward. How cute, I thought to myself wryly, that their parents gave them names starting with the same letter. And how utterly, completely pretentious. Carlisle Cullen was a successful doctor, but I knew nothing about his wife. Probably one of those pampered housewives who sat home all day, watching soap operas and getting pedicures.

I leaned back softly in my chair and suddenly his greenish eyes slanted in my direction. There was no expression behind them at first as he took in my plain face and simple hair. Then something flickered and I inwardly groaned as his eyes narrowed and he smirked. Damn. He recognized me. I sniffed haughtily and turned my focus to my textbook.

He didn't look at me again the entire class and the second the bell rang, I bolted, eager to be out of the classroom. I had a free period after Biology, which I utilized most efficiently by hiding in my truck, listening to music and doodling on my notebooks.

The sunny day had long since disappeared behind the cloud cover and a soft mist was falling. I fumbled with my iPod, my hand feeling around the depths of my book bag when I heard footsteps behind me, quiet but unmistakable. I turned quickly to find Edward Cullen bearing down on me.

"Nice ride." He gestured rudely to my truck; I noticed his coat was casually unbuttoned, as if it were somehow a conscious move. Something dark lingered in his eyes; his tight smile seemed more like a grimace. There was nothing complimentary in his tone.

"Thanks," I replied, turning slightly so I could start walking toward my vehicle.

"You're Isabella Swan." It was a statement, not a question.

"I'm Edward." He was suddenly in front of me and I stopped short, hackles rising. I knew his type – thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I was just the plain mousy girl who flipped him off from her decrepit truck. No way was he going to let this one go. He couldn't. His ego rested on putting me in my place, which he clearly thought was beneath him.

"Yeah." I didn't know what else to say, since 'fuck you' didn't seem like it would help my situation. "Nice to meet you."

"Listen," his voice turned conversational, with no threat hidden."You're new here so I'm going to give you a little pass." His eyes hardened again. "But don't ever fuck with me, again. Understood?"

His harsh words startled me even though I was waiting for them and my mouth opened slightly; no words came out. Then I remembered myself. It was a familiar scene, just like being New Girl. This was Taming of the Teenage Shrew. Each of Renee's boyfriends tried to do it – tried to teach me 'my place'. As if I didn't already know their opinion of me. But they were men - Edward Cullen was just a boy.

"Oh, please," I laughed at him, drinking in his shocked face. "Give me a break. I've dealt with worse than you."

I turned my back on him and walked to my truck, smiling triumphantly. No one fucked with Bella Swan.

* * *

Chapter Title  
Forty-Six & 2 - Tool

Lyrics  
By the Throat - Born Against  
Brand New Colony - The Postal Service  
Blue Tulip - Okkervil River


	3. Caution is a word I can

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll! Oh, and violence. And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. Eighteen and over only.  


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**Chapter 2: Caution (is a word I can't understand)**

The next day at school was more of the same and I feared I had entered into some kind of Groundhog Day twilight zone, without Bill Murray, which would have at least made it interesting. The constant stream of music pulsing through my headphones kept me calm enough that I could swallow a growl when Jessica greeted me in the hall, oblivious to my disinterest. I was even able to refrain from injuring Mike Newton as he tried to sear holes into my sweatshirt with eyes again.

Edward had reached Biology before me and I made no mention of our conversation. I didn't even look at him, pointedly ignoring the daggers he was directing at me as I fiddled with the iPod.

Edward cleared his throat. "Bella-"

"Don't talk to me," I interrupted flatly. He hissed through his teeth, drawing in breath to say something else but the teacher walked into the classroom. I just shook my head and buried myself in the textbook, propping it up lazily against my arm and effectively blocking my sight from Edward.

As I hurried to my truck, I heard footsteps behind me in the parking lot and this time I stopped, waiting for Edward to catch up.

"Bella," his voice was smooth honey,"I'm impressed, I have to say." He chuckled in a self-depreciating way but I knew it was a ruse, an act."Most people don't-"

I held my hand up to stop him."What part of 'don't talk to me' do you not understand?" I asked bluntly. His jaw tightened.

"Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot," I continued as I walked,"let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that, okay?"

"No." Edward grabbed my arm, knocking my back pack off. I scowled, pulling my arm from his grasp. _Enemy- show me what you wanna be/I can handle anything/even if I can't handle you/ Readily, either way it better be..._ I smiled softly, rolling out my shoulders to ease the tension I felt there. Then I straightened up as tall as I could go, catching Edward's eyes in a stony gaze.

"Fine," I snapped,"have it your way. But I don't play games like this, so if you want someone to spar with, you're looking at the wrong person. I don't care who you are or how great you think you might be, so why don't you find someone who'll be suitably impressed and just leave me alone? Go play arrogant little rich boy with someone else."

He face darkened with fury. I took an involuntary step back, surprised by the sudden anger that flared within him, for the first time questioning whether or not there was something about Edward Cullen I should be worried about, when suddenly someone called his name. We both looked up and a petite, elfin girl with choppy black hair was waving furiously, trying to get his attention.

"I think your girlfriend is calling you," I grumbled, secretly thankful for the distraction.

"She isn't my girlfriend," he replied, studying me piercingly, his greenish eyes locking onto my brown ones, "and this isn't over."

He smiled one last unfriendly grin and turned on his heel, striding toward the pixie girl. I fled to the sanctity of my truck.

"Hey, Charlie," I leaned against the wooden frame of the door, spooning pasta from a bowl. Charlie looked up, vaguely annoyed that I was interrupting his game. My presence made him uncomfortable. Not that I could blame him – he'd lived alone ever since Renee left him. "What do you know of the Cullens?"

"Not much." His eyes were glued to the television. "Except that the youngest, Emmett, no… Edward is a bit of a trouble maker. Had to haul him in a few times."

"Oh," I chewed thoughtfully as I debated to press more information. I decided to silently file what Charlie just told me and feign disinterest instead. "Thanks."

Charlie twisted to look at me, eyes narrowing to slits, moustache twitching almost comically as he chewed. "Just stay away from the Cullens. I don't need you getting into trouble with them."

"I plan on staying far away," I promised him, "don't worry about that."

"Renee told me to keep an eye on you." Charlie shoveled some pasta into his mouth. "But don't forget – I'm only doing this because" he paused, searching for the words, a little chagrined, "there wasn't anyone else that would."

As if I could forget that. "Yup. Thanks, Charlie."

Turning abruptly, I tossed my bowl into the sink and headed up to my room, taking the stairs two at a time. Though I knew that he didn't mean to, Charlie's words hurt more than I would ever let on. I knew I was an infant when Renee got her claws into him and I barely remember the time spent living with Charlie before Renee split, taking me with her. I suppose I should have felt more grateful. But I didn't.

I kicked my sneakers off and crawled under the quilt on my little bed, spinning the iPod wheel absently, focusing on keeping my mind blank, so I wouldn't have to think about anything anymore. I filled it with music instead and slowly, finally drifted off to sleep. _Got bitten fingernails and a head full of the past/And everybody's gone at last/Sweet, sweet smile that's fading fast'/Cos everybody's gone at last/Don't get upset about it/No not anymore..._

I kept my word to Charlie and ignored Edward Cullen. It wasn't too hard, except for Biology class. He no longer tried to talk to me but I could feel his eyes on me sometimes, scrutinizing. And I secretly watched him, too.

He ate lunch with the same people every day but otherwise kept to himself. If he noticed all the girls swooning after him he never acknowledged it, ignoring their pathetic pleading glances as he strode confidently through the halls. The boys, on the other hand, seemed to give both Edward and his brother a wide berth. I had hoped to find out why but the school was oddly mum.

As the weeks passed, I melted into the crowd – the quiet girl with the iPod permanently affixed to her person. I preferred it that way. I was just another girl in another school. Invisible. It was a comforting feeling - one I was intimate with.

One Saturday afternoon, the sky dark and muddy, I decided to take a trip to Port Angeles. A band that I considered a favorite was playing at a local legion hall in the area. For the first time in nearly two and half months since I'd been living with Charlie, I felt free, happy, and I immersed myself in the music, reveling in the loudness of it all. The music was hard, fast and angry and I jostled and shoved with the rest of the crowd, screaming along with the lyrics. It was such a relief, a release, as all the tension rolled from my body and dissipated into the writhing deluge of people . By the time the band was finished, I spilled onto the street with the rest of the mob, drinking in the cool crisp air. Most of my hair had fallen out of its rubber band and clung sticky to my forehead and neck. Sighing, I pulled the rest free, running my hands through the tangles, shaking my head as I plucked at my drenched t-shirt, trying to cool down.

"Hey!" a voice called. I turned to see a man walking towards me. He was handsome, older than I was; I recognized him from the show.

"Hey," I returned the greeting warily.

"That was some fucking show, huh?" He smiled widely at me, his brown eyes polite but sparkling with left over adrenaline from the show.

"Yeah, it was great. They always play an amazing show," I added lamely. Awkwardly, I twisted my hair back into a messy ponytail, and wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans.

"You've seen them a bunch of times?" he seemed impressed.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "They used to play around a lot when I lived in Phoenix."

"Rock on." He glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, some buddies and I are getting some drinks at the pub down the street. Want to come?"

"Er, I'm not twenty one," I flushed, as if my age was something to be embarrassed of.

"No biggie. We'll get you in." He squinted at me, a little suspiciously. "You're… eighteen, right?"

"Uh huh." I was a terrible liar but I nodded enthusiastically, suddenly intrigued by the prospect of sneaking into a bar. This was a new opportunity and one I didn't want to miss out on.

One drink wouldn't kill me. I'd sip it slowly and hang out for awhile, maybe find out more about the music scene in Port Angeles. If I could get my fill of bands then maybe, just maybe, this place wouldn't be so bad after all.

His three friends came up to us then and introductions were made. Obediently, I followed them down the street, making small talk as we walked. I was so involved in my conversation I didn't hear someone calling my name until the guy, James, nudged me. I turned and sucked in my breath angrily.

"Bella Swan!" Edward walked purposefully toward me and I cringed, silently praying he wouldn't make a scene in front of the older boys.

"Edward," I said tightly.

"Where are you going?" he demanded, his arms folded imperiously across his broad chest. The older boys were watching, mildly curious. Edward looked ridiculously out of place among them. They wore plain white t-shirts and jeans, wet with sweat and exertion, some stained, others torn. All four of them had shaved heads and a slightly menacing demeanor. Edward was wearing some kind of expensive looking button-down shirt, his hair perfectly tousled as always, his jeans fitting in all the right places. He looked like he just stepped out of a J. Crew ad. If I hadn't been so concerned about what he was up to, I would have laughed.

"None of your business."

"Hey, is this your boyfriend?" James gestured toward Edward, eying him up with an inscrutable expression, a slow smile spreading on his face. Edward didn't even look at him, just kept his eyes trained on me.

"No!" I vehemently protested.

His friend tugged on his arm. "C'mon, man. Ditch the girl and let's go. I need to get my drink on! Petey's Pub is waiting for us, dude!"

"A bar?" Edward turned his attention to the men, cocking his brow. "You were going to take a seventeen year old girl to a bar?"

I wanted to murder him right then and there. Rage crashed in my ears, drowning out the conversation around me. With one last dirty look in my direction, the men left me standing alone on the sidewalk with Edward, who was smiling at me triumphantly. _Die, die, die my darling…_

My mouth worked soundlessly as the fury consumed me and his smug grin grew. I was perilously close to punching him and I knew no good would come of it. Instead, I turned and stalked away. Edward laughed behind me.

"Bella, stop!" he commanded. I ignored him, cutting down an alleyway toward my car.

"Bella!" He grabbed my arm roughly. "I said stop."

"I don't care what you said!" I exploded, flinging him from me. "I can't believe you just did that!"

His grin returned. "I was helping you out."

"Help-helping me out?!" I stuttered over my anger, "what a load of bullshit!" I turned to go but he blocked my way. I pushed. Edward pushed back and the rage roared inside me, taking over. I shoved him as hard as I could, and then aimed a small fist into his gut. He gave a surprised 'oomph' and stumbled back. Before I could even cock my fist back again, I found myself up against the wall, my hands held painfully behind my back and Edward's face a mere inch from mine.

"Knock it off," he growled, "and listen to me. Stupid girl. What were you thinking? Did you think those boys were going to buy you a drink and let you go on your merry way?" His lips twisted in annoyance.

"You're hurting me!" I hissed, struggling. He pressed his body closer to mine.

"Good!" he spat, "I'm not hurting you nearly as much as they could have." He released me and I rubbed my wrists, glaring. When I started to leave, Edward blocked me again.

"Admit it," he demanded. I stared at him, incredulous and confused. His eyes flashing, he crossed his arms over his chest, legs akimbo, clearly not ready to let me leave.

"Admit what?"

"That I helped you."

I tried to push against him, cautiously. He wouldn't budge. I bit back the frustrated noise growing in my throat.

"No. I didn't ask for your help and I certainly don't need it."

Edward sighed, "I won't let you leave until you do."

"You're so annoying," I told him. He only smiled.

"Admit it," he insisted, "admit that I helped you."

"I don't get you," I huffed peevishly, "but, fine. You helped me. Okay? Now will you leave me alone?" I gave him another tentative push and he let me aside. His footsteps fell into line with mine.

"Didn't it occur to you that those men might have ulterior motives?" his voice was quieter now.

"They were just being friendly." I rubbed my wrists and looked down. My knuckles were scraped from the brick of the building. "Do you always feel the need to manhandle girls?"

Edward snorted. "Only when she's about to do something really dangerous and stupid. I figured you were a little more astute than that. The only reason a guy would bring a young pretty girl into a bar is to take advantage of her."

"Whatever." I ducked my head to hide a small surprised smile at his words. "They just wanted to talk music."

"Uh huh," Edward put a soft hand on my forearm, lifting it up, frowning as he studied my scraped hand. "You're going to bruise."

"Yeah, well, that's your fault."

"What will Charlie say?"

I shrugged. "I doubt he'd notice. But if he does, I'll tell him I got it the show."

"Is that where you were?" Edward scrutinized me, surprised. "You didn't strike me as the punk rock kind of girl."

"You don't know me."

"No," he murmured, more to himself. "I suppose I don't."

* * *

Title  
Caution - Operation Ivy

Lyrics  
(sic) - Slipknot  
No Name No. 5 - Elliott Smith  
Die, Die, Die My Darling - The Misfits


	4. Wrecking Ball

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll! Oh, and violence. And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. **Eighteen and over only.**

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE – WRECKING BALL**

Monday morning arrived wet and dreary as I dragged myself down the stairs and out to the truck. Charlie was long gone, probably down at the station. I was thankful that he left before I got up – it made keeping conversation to a minimum much easier.

I couldn't help but seek out Edward's Volvo as I coaxed the truck through the parking lot. I found it, dwarfed by some monstrosity of a jeep that looked like it could run over a small tank. Jessica and Mike stood not too far from it, leaning against a blue van and chatting with some other kid whose name I couldn't be bothered to remember. As she did every morning, Jessica waved wildly, gesturing for me to come join them. I gave her an obligatory short wave back and skirted around the building, hoping to avoid any sort of conversation. The girl just couldn't take a hint - I wasn't interested.

My thoughts were still on Jessica as I climbed the steps, feeling a little hyper-conscious of the throngs of kids moving around me. _Any day now hows about getting out of this place/ Anyways/Got a lot of spare time/Some of my youth/and all of my senses on overdrive…_ I reminded myself sternly that I only had to endure this for another year before I could start my own life. High school was merely a transitory stage.

Edward came into view as he turned the corner and I looked at him, wondering if he was going to say something to me. Emmett, his brother, walked next to him, massive and intimidating. Edward glanced at me quickly, expression inscrutable, before shouldering past me and murmuring something to his brother, who laughed loudly. My cheeks flushed and I picked up my pace in the opposite direction.

So that's how it was going to be. No problem. Ignoring people was what I did best. Angrily, I twirled the lock on my locker and slammed my books inside. Then I headed to Biology with every intention of pretending like the person sitting next to me did not exist. As the late bell rang, however, Edward's seat continued to remain empty. Seething, I realized Edward must have cut class, kyboshing my plans.

I couldn't shake the annoyance as I walked absently to my truck, barely aware of climbing inside. I pushed my book bag up against the driver side door and stretched out across the bench seat, my boots resting against the passenger door, flipping idly through my iPod, unable to decide on a song to listen to. Frustrated, I gave up after twenty minutes and stomped off to English.

While part of me was relieved Edward had chosen to ignore me, another part was oddly disappointed and, as the English teacher droned on in front of the class, I mulled over this revelation, twisting it around in my head.

"Miss Swan?" The teacher's voice broke through my thoughts. '

"Er, yeah?"

Her lips twisted into a moue of disapproval. "Would you like to tell me your thoughts on this novel?"

Fuck. The class turned to watch me and I blushed hotly, especially when I realized the tiny black haired girl who was calling Edward last week was staring at me intently.

"Uh, I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't read the chapter."

"I'm afraid I'll have to mark you as a zero today then, Miss Swan." The teacher swung around to her desk and scribbled something on a pad.

"Whatever," I heaved under my breath. Her head snapped up.

"Excuse me?" Her tone was dangerous.

A brief internal battle ensued; while one part was begging me to keep my mouth shut another egged me on. As usual, the latter won.

"I said, 'whatever'," I replied in a petulant manner. That good part of me groaned and left me alone with only a devil on my shoulder.

"Is there something wrong with the novel?" The teacher took on that simpering timbre that adults do when they know a kid is going to get herself in a whole lot of trouble. As usual, I took the bait.

"I just don't see the point in reading," I glanced down at the title, "Wuthering Heights. I mean, who cares? This isn't going to help me later in life. It's just some bullshit story."

The class tittered at my language and I gathered my books together, already knowing what the teacher was about to say.

"Go to the office!" She seethed at me. I was already out the door. _This is the ballad of the young offenders/Leave no manifestos/ save graffiti in the train yard/ These legs were made to run..._

Edward smirked at me when I walked into Biology class the next day and I knew the black-haired girl had told him what happened. I dropped my textbook heavily on the desk, slumped into my chair, and waited. It didn't take long.

"How was English yesterday?" He asked casually.

"Tell your friend she has a big mouth," I replied sourly.

"Ah, ah, leave poor Alice out of it." I caught Edward's grin in my periphery. "You, dear Bella, are the talk of the school now."

"Goody for me." I turned sharply toward him. "Hey, wait. Speaking of talking - why are you talking to me?"

He seemed surprised by the question. "Why not?"

"Um, because you ignored me yesterday." I made a face at him and turned away, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face. "And anyway, I don't think I want to talk to you, either."

"Why not?"

Heaving a sigh, I frowned at him. "You're starting to sound like a broken record, you know, " I pointed out. "I don't want to talk to you because you made me look like a jerk in front of those guys on Saturday and…" I glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention and shook my bruised knuckles in his face.

Edward rolled his eyes. "You'll never see those guys again. And I am sorry that I hurt you. It wasn't my intention."

"I'll probably see those guys every time I see a band play!" I hissed. "I just hope they aren't there this Saturday."

"You're going back to that place?"

Before I could answer Mr. Banner walked in and Edward dropped the focused on our lesson, though I could tell Edward wasn't willing to let the conversation end.

As usual, Edward followed me out to my truck after class.

"Are you going back to that place this Saturday?" he asked.

"Yes."

"And you think those guys will be there?"

I rolled my eyes and bit my lip, irritated. "I can't predict the future, Edward. But, yes, probably."

"That one guy is bad news. Trouble." There was conviction in his voice.

"Your point?"

Edward regarded me thoughtfully, a small smile on his lips. "You don't need any help with trouble."

I snorted and climbed into my truck. "Don't I know it."

_____________________

Charlie's cruiser was parked in front of the house as I steered the truck into the driveway. The sound of a basketball game greeted me when I opened the door and I assumed Charlie was sitting, enrapt, in front of the TV. I was wrong.

"I got a call from your principal today."

I froze with my foot halfway on the stairs. Charlie turned around from the microwave, looking displeased.

"Oh. Yeah."

"Oh yeah?" he repeated, dark eyes flaring. I swear I saw his mustache twitch. "That's all you have to say?"

I sighed. "Look, I got a detention for it. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Okay? Is that better?"

"Is this how you treated Renee?" If Charlie was trying to guilt trip me, he had another thing coming; it wasn't going to work.

"Renee never would have cared. She was…occupied with other things."

"Three strikes, Bella." Charlie waved his spoon at me. "That's all I'm giving you. I'm the chief of police – I can't have my…" he paused, struggling to dredge up the right word, "my ward running around causing problems."

"I understand, Charlie." I muttered, my lips pursed shut. "Loud and clear, Chief."

I took the steps two at a time and slammed my bedroom door behind me. I glared at it, trying to ignore the feeling of heaviness sinking in my chest as I scrabbled for the iPod, stuffing the earplugs into my ears. Then I flopped back on the bed, kicking my book bag off with a scuffed sneaker. My ward. Whatever. I sighed as the screech of guitars drowned out my thoughts. _I'm in this prison you built for you/In this situation I don't know what to do/Always something makes me think things don't have to be so wrong/You put up walls with nothing spoken/In your weakness you're so strong…_

I knew I was mad at the wrong person and that didn't make me feel better; it made me feel worse. I _was _Charlie's ward and he was the closest thing I'd ever had to a father. Hell, he was doing more for me than my own Mother was. No matter how grudgingly he offered his home to me, it was more than my own father ever did. Charlie was helping me out. I had to remember that.

I tried to be on my best behavior for the rest of the week after my tiff with Charlie. By Friday, most of my classmates had stopped whispering every time I walked by. I might not have been in the English teacher's best graces but I kept my mouth shut and read the chapters. As I wandered absently through the halls of Forks High, my thoughts were on _Wuthering Heights_; I pondering the irony that I had actually found myself enjoying the characters when I accidentally plowed into some girl.

"Oh, crap!" I exclaimed as she spun around to face me. "I'm sorry!"

"Watch where you're going!" she retorted angrily. Her hair was short and blonde and her face was twisted into an angry grimace. Her friends stopped, watching with mild curiosity.

"Uh, yeah." A tremor of annoyance rippled through me. "That's why I said 'sorry'." I turned to walk away.

"Bitch," she muttered under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear. Someone laughed.

I froze. Willed myself to keep walking. But I couldn't.

I pivoted slowly. "What did you say?" My voice was coldly cautious and my fists seemed to clench on the their own.

"I said," the blonde took a step closer to me, "'bitch'. Gotta a problem with that?"

I sized her up, my promise to Charlie forgotten. She was taller than me and probably had me in the weight department, too – not that it made any difference.

"No. I don't have a problem," I grinned widely, baring my teeth, "but you sure do."

I slammed her against the locker before she could open her mouth, my forearm pressed into her throat as her eyes widened in fright and surprise. Adrenaline took over; it was as if I was outside of myself watching the fight unfold before me.

"What are you _doing_?! Let Lauren go!" Someone shouted behind me. "Stop it!"

A crowd quickly gathered and began yelling at us, momentarily distracting me enough that Lauren managed to wiggle free from my grip and took the opportunity to grab a fistful of my dark brown hair. Tears welled involuntarily in my eyes as she yanked and I heard myself growl with indignation. I bashed her again, hard, against the locker and she cried out hoarsely as my fist connected with her solar plexus. _You see me and you laugh out loud/ You taunt me from safe inside your crowd/My looks they must threaten you to make you act the way you do/ Red, I'm seeing red!…_

"Fight, fight, fight!" the crowd chanted behind us. I watched with grim satisfaction as Lauren went down in a heap. I was moving in again when I felt strong, muscled arms grabbing me from behind. I struggled, howling, completely focused on pummeling the girl on the ground.

"Knock it _off_, Bella," a voice rasped in my ear. "Before you get yourself in even more trouble."

Edward's emerald eyes were dark and his expression almost angry as he pulled me away from Lauren. I wrenched myself from his grasp, only to find an older male hand clamping down on my arm. Mr. Banner threw me a reproachful look as he dragged me in the direction of to the principal's office.

The cracked, plastic chair that sat outside the office was put there specifically for ingrates like myself and the fact that it was beginning to feel familiar to me didn't bode well.

I was **so **screwed. I slouched in my seat, scowling as the principal picked up the phone to inform Charlie of my transgressions. In the next room over, I could hear Lauren sobbing and her melodramatic theatrics made me want to march right in there and slap her around some more.

After a brief talk with Charlie, the principal turned to me. "You're to leave the school immediately," he said brusquely. "And not come back until the Monday after next. This suspension will go on your permanent record, Miss Swan. I don't know how they handled things in your old school, but at Forks High we take fighting very seriously."

I kind of wanted to hit him too, as he stared down his nose at me. Thinking better of it this time, I pulled myself to my feet, signed the suspension paper and stalked outside.

"Meow," a voice I immediately recognized drawled from behind me. I didn't even turn but kept walking swiftly toward my truck. "Someone's got a temper."

"Oh, bugger off, Edward, will you?" I groused. "Just leave me alone."

Edward caught up with me easily and I turned my head so I wouldn't have to look at him. I desperately wanted him to leave; I knew I was perilously close to crying and the thought of crying in front of Edward made me cringe in horror.

"You're lucky you didn't get expelled," He told me reprovingly, running a lean hand through his tousled hair.

"I don't want to talk about it," I retorted as I yanked my keys from my bag and fumbled to shove them into the lock. Edward plucked them from my hands and I sucked in a big angry breath.

"Edward!" I shouted savagely. "Give me my fucking keys! Now!"

"Relax, Bella," he said, sliding the key into the lock. "I'm not the bad guy here."

"Of course not," I snapped. "Because I am. I'm always the bad guy. The perpetual fuck up."

"That's not what I meant," he said softly as he pulled open the door and motioned me inside. I climbed into the truck and Edward nudged me over, sliding in next to me and shutting the door.

"What on earth are you doing?" I asked, mystified.

"Giving you time to calm down."

"Can't you just go away?" Even to my own ears, the words had the ring of defeat. I closed my eyes, wishing all of this could just go away. Wishing I could be back in Arizona, or anywhere else, for that matter. Anywhere but this forsaken place. _This place is a prison and these people aren't your friends… There're guards at the on ramps/ armed to be teeth/ and you may case the grounds from the Cascades to Puget Sound/ but you are not permitted to leave..._

"I don't want to," Edward stated, as if there was no argument.

I groaned. "Why? I just don't get it."

He was quiet for a moment. "You… intrigue me, I suppose."

"Thanks?" I wasn't sure if it was a complement or an insult. I leaned my head against the passenger window and sighed.

Edward paused, as if he was searching for the right words. Or was unsure of what he was about to say.

"You laughed at me," he admitted. "Most people here tend to keep their distance from me and that's the way I like it. But you… you laughed at me." Edward barked a laugh himself. "I found it… curious that you were so fearless. You're not like the other girls here. You're so… reckless. Unafraid of consequences. I just wonder what goes through your head when you do stupid shit like beating up Lauren Mallory."

My own snicker was weak. "I'm not so sure I know the answer to that one myself," I told him.

"How long are you suspended for?" Edward changed the subject abruptly.

"A week. Charlie's going to murder me. Or kick me out. I'm not sure which one is worse."

"I'm sure your Dad won't kick you out," Edward meant to be soothing but his words just stung me more.

"He's not really my Dad," I mumbled, regretting the words the moment they flew from my mouth. I did not usually volunteer personal information.

Edward arched his brows. "Really? Who is he then?"

I sighed. "Long story, Edward. Listen, I probably should go before they call the cops on me. Oh wait, they already did," I laughed bitterly at my own joke.

It seemed as though there was a question burning in Edward's eyes but he merely nodded and opened the door, exiting the truck. Just as he was about to shut it, he stopped, studying me. I raised my eyebrows at him, leaning over to reach for the door. Instead, he moved closer and caught my hand. His hand was warm and firm; the contact shocked me and all I could do was stare, perplexed.

"Will you do me a favor while you're suspended?" he asked, his voice somber but sweet.

I shrugged. "Maybe. What's the favor?"

"Don't do anything stupid, okay? You seem to like getting yourself in trouble."

I laughed. "I'll try my best, Edward. That's the best I can do."

Edward gave me a small crooked grin but there was a worried look in his eyes. "Well, be safe, then. See you when you come back."

He waited there until the Chevy grumbled to life, his arms folded across his chest, watching as I slowly made my way out of the parking lot. I glanced in the rear view mirror just before I entered the main road, and saw Edward still standing there, looking oddly alone.

Charlie was, as I expected, absolutely furious with me when I got home. The light drizzle that had persisted all day erupted into a fantastic downpour and I stood in the hallway, shivering and drenched, as he ripped in to me.

"You couldn't last one week?" he blustered angrily. "One damned week?! You promised me on Monday that you would watch yourself and yet I get a call four days later telling me you're suspended? For fighting?" He threw his hands up in disgust. "Really, Bella, I don't know what to say."

Neither did I, so I remained quiet, riding out the storm. He ranted on, his dark brows furrowing together.

"I don't know, Bella," Charlie shook his head, "this isn't what I signed on for. If Renee hadn't already moved to Jacksonville I think I would just ship you-"

My head snapped up; something cold wrapped itself around my middle, shooting up my spine. "She what?"

"Moved," he sighed. "With that ball player husband of hers. She didn't want to tell you until she was settled in."

"Are you going to send me there?" My voice was barely a whisper. Charlie shook his head.

"I can't," I heard regret in his voice but I wasn't sure if it was for him or me. "It's an adult community – no children."

"Oh," His burly form blurred in my vision – I felt like my throat was stuffed with cotton. "I see."

Charlie gave me a sympathetic look. "Bella, I –"

I cut him off. "Well, I'm sorry I've caused all this trouble, Charlie." I said in a mechanical voice. "I really am. May I be excused?"

He nodded and I trudged up the stairs, my legs wobbling, as the rest of me was suddenly too heavy to carry.

My mother wasn't coming back for me. Somehow, I think I knew that but now it seemed so… real. Something hot and wet trickled down my cheek and I angrily slapped the tears away, curling up on the bed desperately, my rain boots muddy against the comforter. My mother wasn't coming back for me. I patted the bed for my iPod, my sanctity, and turned it on as quickly as my numbed fingers would allow. _Yeah this is how it ends/ after all this time/ everything just fades away/ worn-out and empty and all alone/ with nothing left to say/oh it's all too big to make a difference/ it's all too wrong to make it right/ yeah everything is too unfair /everything too much to bear…_

I don't know how long I laid in that uncomfortable fetal position before the sorrow morphed into anger. It started slowly, almost softly, crawling through my body, heating my blood until I was boiling, pissed. I sat up in the bed and was trying to clear my head when suddenly I couldn't breathe.

My lungs were filled with coal and ash. I wheezed and doubled over, feeling as if something was constricting my airways, cutting off my air supply. I gasped, panicked, trying desperately to catch air, reminding myself firmly that there was actually nothing physically wrong with me.

I hated her. It was the hatred that was choking me, making stars dance before my eyes. I hated her all the more for making me feel this way. Quickly, I grabbed my headphones, my hands shaking as I scrolled through the music, looking for something soothing, relaxing. My breathing slowed slightly but I found nothing relaxing or soothing. I gave up and switched to a harder beat. My heart sped up to match as my emotion soared toward volcanic intensity.

My boot struck the wall across from my bed with such force it knocked an adjacent picture to the floor, the glass shattering, glittering almost prettily. _All of my fears came true/black and blue and broken bones you left me here I'm all alone/my little piggy needed something new/nothing can stop me now/I don't care anymore/nothing can stop me now…_ I stared viciously at it for a moment before launching the second boot through the air; it landed squarely on a small bookshelf, causing an eruption of paperbacks to scatter to the ground. From somewhere came the strangest sound, a guttural, high-pitched shriek that pierced through the music banging in my ears. Then the cursing started, even louder than my shrieks.

"You fucking bitch!" I screamed, decapitating a lamp with my book bag. "How could you do this to me?" I shoved a notebook off my cramped desk, it's contents scattering in a flurry of papers. "What did I do to you?!"

"BELLA!!" Charlie stood in the doorway, his eyes wide, horrified. "Bella! Stop this right now!"

"Why did she leave me?" I yelled back, kicking over a chair. "Why? What did I do? How can she fucking do this to me? What did I do, Charlie? Tell me – what did I do that was so bad they don't want me? That made her move someplace where I'm not even _allowed _to be with them? That selfish fucking asshole –"

"Bella!" Charlie took a tentative step toward me. "Calm down, please."

"Calm down?" I gave a hysterical little laugh. "My own mother wants nothing to fucking do with me and – "

"Bella, please," Charlie's voice turned soft, pleading. "You're bleeding, you've hurt yourself."

I looked down numbly at my hand; it was oozing blood but couldn't recall what I had cut it on. Then I looked up at Charlie. He was watching me with such a sad expression that I wanted to disappear between the floorboards. My fuck ups were becoming a regular thing these days. I glanced around the room I had successfully destroyed; glass shards glittered in one corner while the lamp keeled over in another, it's shade broken and smashed.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Charlie," I mumbled dully. "I'm… so sorry."

"It's okay," Charlie said too quickly, clearing his throat and looking utterly uncomfortable. "Here, let me look at your hand."

"No, Charlie," I responded thickly, even though I was trying to keep my voice even. "You don't have to worry. I've caused enough trouble. I can take care of it myself. I'm sorry." I took a step toward the door but stopped, unwilling to get too close to him. He must have sensed my hesitation because he nodded softly and stepped away.

"Ok, Bells," he said quietly, a little helplessly. "You take care of that yourself. If you want to… talk, just let me know. I'm here."

"Thanks, Charlie." My insides felt frozen; my voice sounded like a stranger's. Numbly I headed to the bathroom and locked the door. As I watched my blood swirl down the drain I felt my bile rise. Tears burned in my eyes, fighting to get out even as I tried to swallow the feelings threatening to burst out of me. But I wasn't strong enough.

The sobs came painfully, wracking through me as if some inner force was shoving them out of my body. Blindly I reached for the shower, turning it on, hoping the sound of pounding water would obliterate my cries. Charlie didn't need to hear this.

I stripped down quickly and stepped into the shower, the water hot and punishing against my skin. I knelt down, until I was sitting in the tub. I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, my head tilted down, rocking, as the water pummeled me. And I let the grief take over.

* * *

I know a few of you thought Edward was being an asshole in the last few chapters. I realize that right now neither of them are all that... likeable but I implore you, give them a chance. They'll surprise you.

Chapter Title - Wrecking Ball by Crooked Fingers

Lyrics (order of appearance - song, band)

Any Day Now - Elbow  
Young Offenders - The Constantines  
Hoboken - Operation Ivy  
Seeing Red - Minor Threat  
This Place is a Prison - Postal Service  
Numb - The Cure  
Piggy - Nine Inch Nails


	5. The World at Large

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll! Oh, and violence. And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. **Eighteen and over only.**

* * *

**Chapter Four – The World at Large**

Thankfully, Charlie didn't bring up my tantrum the next morning as I trudged down the stairs, head pounding as if I'd gone on a whiskey bender the night before. My brain slogged through thoughts that appeared to be hazy apparitions of conjecture rather than anything concrete.

"I was going to go fishing this afternoon," Charlie said, his voice careful. He was sitting at the kitchen table, shoveling a pile of scrambled eggs into his mouth, his mustache dancing above his lip with every gigantic bite. He eyed me warily, trying unsuccessfully to hide the concern that was written all over his face. I stepped cautiously inside the kitchen and forced myself to meet Charlie's eyes, drinking in the uncertainty and the helplessness I saw there.

I felt like such an asshole. Charlie had done nothing wrong and I destroyed the things he had given me. I forced him to witness something that no one should ever have seen. I despised, loathed, my weaknesses, and I was ashamed I had put Charlie through it. I felt like a monster, a Medusa of ungratefulness. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I cleared my throat, still burning from stagnant tears that huddled somewhere between my voice box and my tonsils. I suspected that lump would not dissipate anytime soon.

"Okay, Charlie," I replied. "I hope you catch some big ones."

I tried to keep my voice neutral and light. I was afraid Charlie would eventually bring up my little conniption fit. Or, even worse, Renee. I didn't want to talk about either of them.

At the thought of her name a lash of rage swirled through me. I may have wept for my mother the night before but it would be the last time. She might have given me life but I didn't ask her for it. I owed her nothing. I mourned the loss of Renee last night and was determined to move on. Still, I couldn't help being aware of the fact that it wasn't just the wound in my hand that was throbbing. _and you are so lame/you always disappoint me/it's kind of like our running joke/but it's really not funny…_

I poured some cereal into an old ceramic bowl, its country-kitchen speckled blue marred by huge white chips - war wounds from the kitchen sink. I pulled an equally battered coffee mug from the cabinet and helped myself to the last dregs of coffee in the machine.

"I can make a fresh pot, Bells," Charlie offered.

"Nah. This is fine. Thanks." I watched the steam waft lazily out of the cup before I sipped the coffee tentatively; it was bitter and scalded my throat when I swallowed. The sensation of the hot liquid was uncomfortable and I found that, in some grim way, being able to choke down the acrid liquid made me feel somehow stronger, as if I'd accomplished something.

I nibbled at the cereal, listening to the sounds of Charlie preparing for his day. As he continued to bang around in the back room it occurred to me that I had left my iPod upstairs; I felt strangely vulnerable without it. Charlie's noises seemed alien. No, it wasn't Charlie's sounds that were foreign, extraneous. It was me. I wondered detachedly why this suddenly felt like a new sensation to me. I was worried this would become a permanent state of limbo.

"You going to be okay here alone all day?" Charlie stood in the kitchen doorway, tackle box in hand; he had tugged a goofy looking fishing hat over his thick dark hair. He looked like a picture postcard for some wilderness retreat, with dark green khaki pants tucked carelessly into tall rain boots. The fishing vest bowed around his belly, the result of too many nights alone with only the sports on TV and a can of Rainier to keep him company.

"Yeah, Charlie." I gave him a wan smile. "I'll be fine."

He looked wary, uncertain. "Okay, Bells. Call if you need anything."

"Okay." I pushed the cereal around the bowl, suddenly not very hungry.

The house was eerily silent after Charlie left. I sat motionless in the kitchen, staring blankly out the window, feeling strangely numb, as if I didn't exist myself. The thoughts that had been battering me all last night as I tossed and turned in my little bed had disappeared completely, leaving an uneasy quiet in their wake.

With a sigh, I washed my breakfast dishes in the minuscule sink and headed back up to my room, resigned to clean up the carnage from the night before.

There wasn't much to do. Charlie must have cleaned the broken glass and righted the paperbacks while I was in the shower and only a few lone piles of my affects were in disarray. Still, I worked diligently to remove any vestiges of my meltdown, being very careful not to think at all about it.

I picked up a notebook that was lying haphazardly on the ground near my desk and something fluttered out of it. The paper was pink and pretty, folded neatly in half. It was the note my mother had included when she gave me iPod all those months ago.

_Bella, I know how much you love to listen to your music. This is something you can take with you, no matter where you go. I love you and will always be there for you! Love, Mom_

I stared at her childish scrawl, dimly aware that I should have felt frightened about the fact that I felt nothing. Numbly, I stood and rummaged through the shelves above the desk, looking for a picture I had placed up there when I first moved in with Charlie. I pushed aside some of Charlie's knickknacks – he had offered to box them up when I moved in but I had refused, not wanting to get any more comfortable than necessary. I found the picture nestled between a wooden carving of a bow-legged fisherman and a small postcard depicting a Native American in a wolf headdress. My hands shook as I pulled it from the shelf.

It was a photograph of Renee and me at some amusement park. It was one of those automatic pictures that are taken when you're in a roller coaster, hurtling breakneck down the peak. We were sitting side by side, the harnesses bulky around us. My hands were up, my mouth wide in an exultant scream, though my eyes were squinched tightly shut. Renee was as close to a fetal position as the harnesses would allow, her face slack with fear, except for her eyes, which were wide open, looking triumphant.

I crushed the picture in my fist and threw it on the bed, along with the note. I began to inspect all of my belongings, methodically collecting anything that had Renee's print on it - cards, pictures and any trinkets she might have given me as a consolation prize for pawning me off on other people. Even books in which Renee had left personal messages went into the pile, all of them defiled by her memory. I even considered tossing the iPod into the pile but decided to keep it; I knew I was acting childish, but I wasn't stupid. I gathered all the artifacts together in a plastic bag, yanked on my shoes and headed out for the truck. _I abandoned you and now I'm free/ I...live...for...me now/ I, I live my life, live it my own way/ forget yesterday._

I didn't know where I was going and it wasn't until I pulled out onto the main street of Forks that I finally realized what I was about to do. I drove around Forks for nearly an hour, looking for a location, the proper burial site. The temptation to drive to the ocean and throw the contents of the bag into its briny depths was strong; I wanted to watch the bag drift out on the waves, until it disappeared beyond the horizon, just as Renee had. I even considered making a bonfire and burning the artifacts but, knowing my luck, I'd probably end up burning the whole damn forest down. Finally, I gave up and pulled into the general store parking lot. I spied some commercial dumpsters in the back and, perversely, that seemed fitting to me. It was my symbolic dumping of Renee. Sometimes being poetic just doesn't cut the hurt down - but being childishly spiteful does.

A large sign boldly proclaimed that the dumpsters were the property of the store and any private dumping was illegal. Not about to let some silly law prevent me from completing my mission, I grabbed my bag and hopped out of my truck.

Flies buzzed around the dumpster and I carefully lifted the lid, momentarily overcome by the stench of garbage. With a surreptitious look around me, I gave the lid one last heave and quickly tossed the bag inside. The heavy covering slammed shut with a bang and I turned hastily, nearly tripping over my feet as I made my way back to the truck.

"Can't you read the sign?" an amused voice said behind me. I rolled my eyes and turned around.

Edward was leaning against a very fast looking red car in the parking lot. His hair shimmered in the rare sunlight, ruffling carelessly as the wind teased around him. He seemed paler in the sunlight, and sharper too; his face was all angles and planes, strong and stern. He looked both feral and sweet; his expression was friendly but he kept his hands against the red car, as if he might spring at me at any moment. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

"First fighting and now illegal dumping?" He gave me a crooked grin and I couldn't help but smile back. "Bella, you're becoming a criminal mastermind. What next, drug running?"

"I heard it's good money," I retorted, shoving my hands in my jeans pockets, hitching my shoulders. "Forks could use a kingpin."

Edward laughed and, resigned, I headed toward him.

"What were you throwing out in the dumpster?"Edward changed subjects so fast it made my head spin.

"Aren't you the nosy one," I quipped. "I pulled in to get a soda and realized I had a bag full of trash that I never threw out from when I cleaned the truck."

"Well, that's not very interesting. I was hoping for something far more exciting from Bella Swan.," Edward leaned against the car, folding his arms across his chest.

I flung my hands in the air in mock defeat. "Okay, you got me. It was Lauren Mallory's head. I finished her off last night." I sighed dramatically.

Edward roared with laughter. "Don't let anyone else hear you say that. They might actually think you're serious."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing."

"No," he replied, his tone deliberate. "It's definitely not a bad thing."

I shuffled my feet as his voice trailed off, very conscious of the fact that he was scrutinizing me intently. "And what are your plans for today? Are you grounded?"

"Surprisingly, no. At least, Charlie didn't say I was." Being grounded was definitely something that hadn't occurred to me. "I figured I would head down to Port Angeles, enjoy the relatively nice day." The lie came so smoothly I was impressed with myself.

"Port Angeles, huh?" Edward looked thoughtful. "I think I'll come with you."

Surprised, I blurted out, "I don't recall inviting you."

You didn't." Edward winked at me and I gaped. "I invited myself. Wait here while I tell Emmett."

There are few times in my life where I have been rendered speechless by another person's audacity but, as I watched Edward jog casually through the parking lot, I knew this was definitely one of them.

Slowly, I headed back to my truck and leaned against the cab, watching as Edward spoke to Emmett. I recognized his girlfriend immediately; her beauty was unrivaled in the sparsely populated high school and even I had to admit I had never seen a more gorgeous woman. The boys in school lusted after her quietly, each of them knowing they would never stand a chance of laying her but hoping desperately, anyway. I wondered how many masturbatory fantasies Rosalie Hale had been the star of, late at night when the teenage boys of Forks were alone with their feverish, dirty thoughts.

Naturally, all the girls fucking hated her.

As if reading my thoughts, Rosalie, stared at me, her unfriendly expression ruining her exquisite face. _I don't see what everybody sees in your sexy body/all I see is a shallow grave trapped inside a pretty face... _I met her eyes and challenged her gaze, breaking off only when Edward walked toward me.

"Ready?" he asked. He was totally at ease, moving comfortably around the truck as if he and I were old pals who made regular trips to Port Angeles. I wasn't sure I could ever be that comfortable around another person.

I nodded and climbed into my truck, sliding across the seat to unlock the passenger side and trying not to think about how many self imposed rules I was about to break.

"This truck is too big for you," he commented as he slammed the door. "You can barely pull yourself up."

I rolled my eyes. "Hey, beggars can't be choosers."

The truck grumbled to life and I coaxed it out of the parking spot.

"No stereo?" Edward poked a long lean finger into the gaping wound on the dashboard of the Chevy as we chugged down the main street. "I figured you of all people would at least insist on having a decent stereo in this jalopy."

I scowled and said over the wheeze of the engine, "First of all, you wouldn't be able to hear anything. Secondly, it came like that. And besides, stereos are expensive. I'm on a budget."

Edward looked out the window. "Man, this thing is slow. We'll be lucky if we get to Port Angeles by nightfall."

I brought the rumbling heap to a halt at a stop light and gave Edward a black look.

"Are you going to complain about my mode of transportation the entire time?" I inquired, irritation creeping into my words.

"No." He leaned forward and wiped imaginary dust off the dashboard, a small smile playing on his lips. "Just until we get out of Forks."

"Well, that's so kind of you," I grumbled sarcastically, stomping on the gas as the light turned green. We had barely gone ten feet when Edward spoke again.

"Hey Bella?"

I braced myself for another barrage of automotive insults, my fingers wrapping tightly around the steering wheel. "Yes, Edward?"

"Are we there yet?"

I blew a lock of hair out of my eyes, incredulous. "Are you serious? No."

"How about now?" He was teasing me, his voice light and mischievous.

I glanced out my window, watching the trees fly past and hid a smile, the truck roaring in protest as I hit the gas pedal even harder. "Yes. Get the fuck out."

Edward laughed. "Touché," he told me, grinning. "Touché."

We fell into silence for a few minutes and I could feel Edward's gaze on me once again.

"You're staring at me," I said pointedly.

"I know."

"Well, stop it."

Edward laughed. "It makes you uncomfortable?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Would you be embarrassed if I told you I thought you were pretty?" he asked, idly.

"Abso-fucking-lutely." I already felt the heat rising in my cheeks.

Edward snickered. "Fine, fine. Let's talk about something else, then. Tell me about Charlie." Edward stretched out his lanky form and rested his arm on the back of the bench seat, his hand dangling close to my head.

"Okay," I took a deep breath. "Charlie is the Chief of Police in Forks."

"That's all I'm going to get?" Edward groaned. "I take it this is a taboo subject for you?"

I gritted my teeth. I wasn't sure what his motives were for poking around my personal business but I answered anyway, hoping I wouldn't regret it in the future.

"Charlie is my mother's first husband."

"But not your father." It was a statement, not a question.

"No."

"Did you know your father?" Edward shifted so he could face me, openly curious.

"No. He wasn't interested in me. According to my mother he left months before I was even born. She met Charlie when I a year old and they split up three years later."

"Why are you living with Charlie?"

I swallowed hard. "My mother remarried," I answered, my voice brittle and tight.

"They wanted to travel."

"Will you move back with her soon?"

For a moment I thought I was going to cry as a wave of emotion washed over me and I struggled against it, blinking rapidly. To my amazement, I realized that I wanted to answer Edward's questions and the emotion settled into a tolerable, almost familiar, dull ache. "No. I'll never live with Renee again. I don't really like my mother."

I wasn't even sure where those last words came from but I felt relieved the moment they jumped from my lips, even if I wasn't entirely sure I meant them. I took a deep breath, my chest swelling for the first time since I found out Renee had moved; it was as if a giant weight had been lifted from me.

"She married this guy Phil," I told him, my words tumbling over one another in their haste to escape. "He's a ball player and needs to move around a lot. At least, that's what she told me when she sent me to live with Charlie. But I found out yesterday that they actually bought a place in Jacksonville, Florida." I snorted. "I should have known better."

Edward quietly processed the information. "I don't think," he began slowly, "I like your mother, either."

I gave him a curious look, comforted by his allegiance. "Thanks," I said softly, gratefully.

I hadn't planned on going to Port Angeles but I knew exactly what I wanted to do once we got there. Edward was in an agreeable mood, something I suspected was rare for him, and amiably followed me to the record store. When we got to the door, Edward strode ahead and pulled it open for me. I blushed, pleasantly surprised at the chivalrous gesture. He placed a soft hand on the small of back and followed me through. My blush deepened.

"Um, there are just a few CD's I've been meaning get," I told him, feeling a little unsteady. "I don't know if you want to split up or something…"

Edward lifted a brow. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

I flushed even more. "No," I said hastily, "I just don't want you to think that you have to hang around me – "

"Bella, I _want _to hang around you. That's kind of the whole point." He stepped closer to me and my breath caught in my throat. I could smell a faint lingering of soap and something almost woodsy. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my cheeks heat up even more.

"Oh." My voice cracked over the syllable.

Edward chuckled quietly. "You look adorable when you blush like that," he told me.

I gave a weak laugh and, not knowing what else to do, merely nodded and began to walk down the rows of CD's. Edward trailed after me, occasionally stopping to peruse the music himself and eventually we settled into a comfortable silence. I would peek up at him every once in awhile, my thoughts muddy and jumbled.

Edward was handsome. _Very _handsome. I don't think I really appreciated his beauty until that moment. He had removed his sweater at some point; his arms were lean but well muscled and the white t-shirt clung snugly to his broad shoulders and chest.

My own CD searching was temporarily forgotten as I watched him deftly flip through jewel cases and I wondered what it would feel like to have his arms wrapped around me. I imagined him leaning down, covering the distance between our heights to kiss me –

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

Edward's voice jolted me from my reverie and I knew my face turned scarlet. I grabbed the CD my hand had been resting on and added it to the ones I was already holding.

"Yup," I squeaked, hoping like hell he couldn't read my mind.

Edward gave me a quizzical look. "Let's pay then, shall we?"

The sun had been swallowed by gray clouds when we emerged from the record store.

"Where to next?" Edward shrugged back into his sweater and I looked at my watch.

"I probably should head home," I told him regrettably. "I don't want Charlie to get worried."

I couldn't tell if Edward was disappointed or not. "Home it is." He grabbed my bag of CD's, another thoughtful gesture that surprised me, and we started walking.

"Are you staying in tonight?" he asked as we strolled down the sidewalk toward the Chevy.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Trying to be on good behavior, you know?"

Edward smiled. "Bella, I have a feeling you and 'good' behavior go together like oil and vinegar."

"Yeah, well, at least I try, right?" I joked feebly. We were coming up the street to my truck and I was about to head for the driver's side when Edward grabbed my hand. I looked up at him, confusion all over my face.

He was staring at me, his emerald eyes serious and clouded with an emotion I couldn't decipher, his hand engulfing mine; he rested our bags on the hood of my truck and took my other hand. Then, he gave a gentle tug and I stumbled closer to him. Instinctively, I tried to put my arms out to break my fall and Edward guided my hands to his waist before putting his arms around me.

I froze, tense, my heart hammering against my ribs as my thoughts spun out of control in my head. Gingerly, I stepped a little closer, my legs rubbery beneath me. The scent that I had smelled earlier engulfed me as he tightened his arms, his sweater soft and luxurious against my cheek. I could hear his heart beating, steady and strong. Edward took a deep breath and then slowly loosened his hold so he could look at me.

"You worry me," he said, sounding a little puzzled himself.

"I'm… sorry." My voice was a breathless whisper.

Carefully, he lifted his hand and brushed it softly against my cheek, sending a volt of electricity through me. My heart picked up double time as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. His lips were soft and smooth against my flesh, his breath tickling as he turned my head to meet my lips in a gentle kiss.

"Don't be," he whispered against my mouth. I stood on my tiptoes as he stroked my cheek, his lips meeting mine again, this time more insistently; his tongue pressed against my mouth, begging for entry.

I felt dizzy as we kissed and I leaned against Edward for support, all thought gone from my mind. It was only his lips against mine.

A chuckle nearby shattered the moment and I jerked away from Edward even as he was tightening his arms around me.

James dropped the cigarette he had been smoking to the ground, his smile cold and hard.

"Hi Bella," he said, "remember me? The guy from the show? We were going to go get a drink when we were rudely interrupted." He looked at Edward, baring his teeth in a predatory grin.

I nodded stiffly, unsure of what to say but positive this was going to end badly. Edward growled deep in his chest. _I saw another beat down last night, take warning/ Who's the next to hit the ground tonight, take warning…_

"And I could have sworn you said he wasn't your boyfriend," James continued casually, taking a few steps forward, his gaze appreciative as he eyed me up and down. "But that sure _looked _like something you do with a boyfriend."

"Come on, Bella," Edward said quietly in my ear. "Let's go home."

"You know, Bella," James leered at me, "If you want to waste your time with some high school boy, that's fine. But there are benefits to being with a man. I could show you things that would make you scream with – "

Edward pulled me behind him, his eyes glittering with cold unadulterated fury. "If you know what's good for you you'll shut your mouth," he said, his voice low.

James' eyebrows arched in surprise. "Don't threaten me, you fuck wit."

Edward laughed, savagely. "It's not a threat. I promise you –"

I nudged Edward, cutting his threat short.

"Just ignore him," I said loudly. "Come on, let's go." I tugged his sleeve.

"See you around, Bella," James called to me. "And you better hope I don't see you around, pretty boy." He jerked his head toward Edward.

Edward moved so swiftly I only realized he wasn't at my side when he had James pinned to the pavement, his arm painfully bent behind him.

"Not so pretty now, am I, mother fucker?" he snarled, jerking James' arm upward. James let out a guttural yelp. "I see how you look at her, asshole. I know what you're thinking. If you so much as speak to Bella, when I see you again, I'll break your arm in so many places you'll never be able to use it again. Do you understand?"

James twisted to glare balefully at Edward. When he didn't respond, Edward yanked his arm again.

"Answer me!" Edward commanded. "Do you understand?"

"Yes!" James rasped, his voice squealing.

"Good." Edward released James and came back to me, grabbing me by the arm roughly, his face still dark with anger.

"Give me your keys," he demanded grimly, pulling my CD's from the hood of the car. I fumbled in my bag, too stunned for words and soundlessly handed him my car keys. He unlocked the passenger door and helped me inside before getting into the driver's side himself.

The truck groaned in protest as Edward floored it out of the parking lot and tore down the road. His knuckles were white as his fingers strangled the steering wheel. I sat rigidly in my seat and stared out the windshield, wondering how on earth something so amazing had just gone so horribly wrong. A terrible silence hung between us as Edward drove toward Forks.

"Did I hurt you?" Edward's angular jaw pulsed with tension. The strained taut tone of his voice cracked the silence but I couldn't turn to look at him.

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't understand what happened," I admitted, carefully. "It was like one minute you were all nice and sweet and the next… you went crazy."

Edward grimaced. "I shouldn't have lost my temper. I hated the way he was looking at you, like he wanted to do terrible things to you. And it made me so angry."

I thought of Lauren Mallory, remembered the shocked, scared look on her face when I punched her. "I understand. I can't really blame you, I guess," I sighed.

Edward gave me a small smile. "I just feel… very protective of you. I can't quite explain it."

"But Edward, I don't need any protecting," I told him softly, "I've been taking care of myself for a long time, now."

"Everyone needs some kind of protecting," he replied firmly. I opened my mouth to protest but Edward cut me off abruptly.

"I'm sorry our trip had to end on a bad note," he said.

I shrugged. "Not your fault, exactly."

"Well, I'd still like to make it up to you." Edward smiled crookedly and something warm settled in my belly. I looked away.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, but I'll think of something."

I wasn't sure what to make of that, but it sounded good to me.

Charlie wasn't home when I arrived, the house dark and empty looking. I let myself in and immediately barricaded myself in my room.

I stood in the middle of the room, thinking about Edward, how warm he felt when he had his arms around me. I remembered the thrill that coursed down my spine as he kissed me and I shivered, absently licking my lips, as if I could still taste him.  
I shook my head to dispel the memory. I was treading dangerous territory; I had to be careful. There was too much at stake for me to run into this headlong and careless.

It wasn't like Edward was the first boy I kissed. I had dated half heartedly in Phoenix, going through the rituals of movies, dinners and the awkward fumbling in the back seats of borrowed cars, or in some parents' darkened basements.

At first I found the rush of another body next to mine exciting and, while the feel of rough teenaged hands against my breasts, or inside of me, was arousing, I discovered it wasn't worth the hassle of everything else that had to go with it. I could please myself far more efficiently than any of those boys and I didn't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings, or spilling my dark secrets to a part time lover who would inevitably use them against me. I could bare my body to a boy, but my soul was off limits. This revelation frightened me enough to stop dating altogether. I didn't want to be like my mother.

I knew about heart break, too. I remembered Renee's quiet sobs, alone in her bedroom, after a failed romance. I watched TV and movies, and felt a small amount of contempt as the heroines wept and pleaded with their male lovers to stay. There was no sense in giving your heart to someone who would inevitably step all over it.

Yet, never before had I felt whatever it was I felt when Edward's lips pressed to mine. Just replaying the moment in my mind made my insides go warm and sent my brain into a dizzying tailspin. And that made him so much more dangerous to me.

Edward was ruining my carefully laid plans.

I caught my reflection in the mirror, saw my furrowed brows, my lips puckered in consternation. I was over thinking this way too much, just like always. It was necessary; otherwise someone could get hurt. Namely, me.

I groaned and shook my head, dispelling the thoughts I'd rather not be thinking. I looked around for my iPod, knowing it would distract me. _I like songs about drifters - books about the same/ They both seem to make me feel a little less insane/ Walked on off to another spot/ I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want _

It was then I remembered my purchases. I kicked off my shoes and flopped to the bed, pulling my new CD's out of the bag, running my hand over the crinkly cellophane before I began the arduous process of trying to extract the actual CD from its packaging. I was ready to throw the jewel case against the wall when I finally managed to peel the sticky silver tape that held it shut. As I leaned over to open the disc drive on my computer, I noticed my cell phone blinking.

I glanced at the 'missed call' screen and saw a number I didn't recognize, though it was a Washington state area code. There was no message, which piqued my curiosity. I pulled up a website that offered reverse telephone lookup and was informed that the number was either unlisted or did not exist. Clearly, it existed, since it was on my cell phone.

I futilely tried to convince myself it was a wrong number before giving up and snapping open the phone, but my curiosity gnawed at me. Quickly, I punched in the code that would block my number from the recipient's caller ID. Then I hit 'dial'.

The phone rang three times and I was about to hang up when I heard a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

I didn't think this far ahead. I paused, breathing stalker-style into the phone. And then I hung up.

"Real smooth, Bella," I groaned to myself, tossing the cell on the bed, where it promptly began to ring again. I lunged for it and checked the ID. Blocked. I guess I wasn't the only one who knew that trick. As the phone rang again, I also realized that it had backfired for me because, if I didn't answer it, my voicemail would. _Hi this is Bella, leave a message_. I reminded myself never to become a private investigator and reluctantly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

A chuckle crackled down the line. "Do you always call people, breathe heavily and then hang up?" Edward asked.

I scowled. "No. I didn't know who you were. You should have left a message."

"If you didn't know who it was then why did you call the number back? It could have been a wrong number." Edward was amused, which made my frown deepen.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I just wanted to see who it was."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Edward teased.

"Whatever, Edward," I replied, tossing myself onto the bed, smiling in spite of myself. "What's up?" I paused, thinking. "Wait a minute, how did you even get my number?" Now THAT was the real mystery. I realized that I never gave it to when were together earlier.

"I filched it from the office at the high school yesterday," Edward said it as casually as if he were talking about making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Get out!" I guffawed. "I don't believe you. And I'm the criminal?"

"I guess that's just something else we have in common," he answered glibly. "I went into the office to drop off something to Mrs. Cope and I saw your file lying on the counter."

Something terrible was beginning to dawn on me. "My file?" I repeated, dangerously.

"Uh huh. So, when Mrs. Cope disappeared in the back, I grabbed it and took down your phone number."

"Did you look at my file?" I demanded, angrily.

Edward laughed. "Just a little. Don't worry, I didn't see anything that would cause you any embarrassment. Though you did move around an awful lot."

"You're a nosy… fucker," I huffed lamely. "Stay out of my personal business."

"I thought you would be pleased that I wanted your number," Edward said, his voice going sour.

"You could have asked me," I retorted, wondering what could possibly be contained in my file. More than I wanted Edward, or anyone for that matter, to know; I was sure of that.

"I didn't think of it until I saw your record lying there. And I wasn't expecting to see you today."

"Oh. I see…" I was staring at my ceiling watching shadows dance across as the tree outside was whipped by the wind.

"I was calling to see if you were in any trouble for leaving the house earlier."

"Nope, not yet."

"That's good news." Humor returned to his tone. "And is the Chief Swan home tonight?"

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "I haven't been downstairs in awhile."

"Would you be allowed out?"

"Um, I'm going to go with…no," I answered, laughing shortly. "I don't want to push my luck and ask."

Edward chuckled again, almost deviously. "Who said anything about asking? What time does Charlie go to bed?"

"You want me to sneak out?"I asked incredulously. "Are you seriously trying to get me kicked out of Forks?"

"Don't be silly."

"I'm pretty sure sneaking out would not help my situation with Charlie." Even as I said it, I was at the window, gauging how far the overhanging tree was, wondering if I could jump it. Definitely not.

"Are you saying that you aren't going to sneak out, then?"

I hesitated, debating.

"Well," Edward continued to fill the silence I left behind. "I suppose if you're afraid-"

That did it. "I'm not afraid," I interrupted loudly. "Fine, I'll sneak out. Where should I meet you?"

Edward chuckled again. "Meet me? You honestly think you're going to be able to sneak out with truck of yours? I can hear you coming down the road from a mile away with that jalopy."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "So what do you propose, Edward?" I asked impatiently.

"I _prefer_ to pick you up."

"Fine," I told him. "Charlie usually goes to bed around eleven. Give him an hour to fall asleep and then I'll head out. Meet me down the street, where the main road meets mine?"

"Sounds good." I heard a voice in the background muffled.

"Where are we going, by the way?"

Edward's chuckle reverberated down the line. "I told you I needed to make up for this afternoon, didn't I?"

"You enjoy being mysterious, don't you?" I smiled into the phone.

"Perhaps," he laughed again. "See you at midnight, Bella. Oh, and wear boots."

Boots? A quiver of excitement tickled up my spine as I hung up the phone. I didn't know what Edward was up to but I couldn't wait to find out.

* * *

I have to admit this was, for some reason, a really difficult chapter for me to get out. I apologize if there is something 'off' about it. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to get Edward and Bella 'together' now or later so...

Chapter Title - World at Large - Modest Mouse

Lyrics (in order of appearance)  
Dilate - Ani Difranco  
Steps - Snapcase  
Poor Jackie - Man Man  
Take Warning - Operation Ivy  
The World at Large - Modest Mouse


	6. The Lovecats

**CHAPTER FIVE – The Lovecats**

The minutes crept by reluctantly, grudgingly turning to hours; I was sure I would go mad before midnight. _I am a patient boy/I wait, I wait, I wait/ my time is water down a drain… _Never before had three hours passed so slowly. I paced. I organized the books on my tiny bookshelf. I even did some homework – anything to not think about what I was about to do. I glanced at the clock on my computer, listening to Charlie bang around downstairs. Eight o'clock. Eight forty two. Nine fifteen. Ten forty five.

The faucet in the kitchen creaked arthritically as Charlie prepared to turn in and filled a glass of water for his night table. His footsteps thudded heavily as he trudged up the stairs, tiredly. The thumping stopped when he reached the top, followed by silence; I imagined him standing at the landing, his head cocked, unsure of whether he should check on me or just head to his own bedroom. His footfalls resumed and there was a gentle knock at my door.

"Bells?" My thin bedroom door did little to muffle his gruff, quiet voice.

Who else would it be? "Yeah, Charlie?" I called back, faking a tired voice. I stood in the center of my room, eyes wide and awake, body taut as anticipation began to grow inside.

"…you okay?"

My shoulders slumped as a little twinge of something struck me - it felt suspiciously like guilt. Charlie was asking me if I was okay as I was planning on sneaking out of his house. I was such a jerk.

"I'm fine, Charlie," I called back, wincing.

"Good night, then, Bella."

"'Night, Charlie." I held my breath as he walked away and wondered why it was so impossible for me to behave myself. The contrition grew and I worried a ragged cuticle, transfixed by the numbers on my alarm clock that reprovingly ticked away the time until the appointed hour finally arrived.

The guilt did not weigh heavily enough on my conscience to keep me from sneaking out. It was more like an annoying mosquito, buzzing disapprovingly in my ear and easy enough to ignore. I stuffed my house keys, iPod and wallet into my backpack and crept down the narrow, tiny hall. The house was eerily silent; only Charlie's grumbling snores shattered the calm. Carefully, slowly, I tested the first step with my socked foot, gently easing my weight onto it and hoping fervently it wouldn't creak. My boots dangled dangerously in my right hand as I slunk down the stairs like a thief, Charlie's snores resounding above me.

The front door groaned slightly as I eased it open and I froze, cocking my head to listen. Silence. Smiling to myself, I shut the front door, stepped into my boots and jogged down the yard to the road. _Wake your mind up/ And push your body to the door/And step off on to the porch/And into the street/And the night will have its way with you…_

Sneaking out was strangely exhilarating; the anticipation and adrenaline coursed under my skin as I tugged my hood over my hair and picked my way through the darkened streets to the meeting place. Somewhere deep inside me, amidst all the chaotic, excited thoughts racing through my brain, the good Bella of my conscience was shouting at me to get back inside, but her voice was drowned out by bad Bella, who was gleefully egging me on.

The air was chilly and unyielding; there was a dampness that clung, dank and icy, to my skin, creeping under my clothes. I shivered in my coat, hugging my arms against my chest as I waited in the appointed spot for Edward to arrive. I didn't have to wait long before the Volvo rolled soundlessly down the main road, appearing like a ghost as it sidled up beside me. No interior light came on when I opened the door but I could make out Edward's lean figure in the driver's seat, inky black against the darkness itself.

"Tsk, tsk, Miss Swan," he teased as I climbed into the car. I rolled my eyes and made a rude noise.

"I thought you were supposed to be keeping me out of trouble, not getting me into more," I shot back, shoving my hood from my head and reaching back for the seat belt.

"You're only allowed to get in trouble when you're with me." Edward made a u-turn and headed for the highway. I gulped nervously, his words making me fidget with excited nervousness.

"Well," I said lightly, pulling my hair away from my neck, freeing it from the confines of my jacket, "As long as I can still get into trouble every once in awhile. You know, I'd feel weird if I didn't."

Edward turned to me but I couldn't see his expression. "We'll have plenty of time for trouble, don't you worry," he replied wryly, his voice husky.

_That_ certainly sounded promising to me. I licked my lips and squinted out the window, the forest a murky dark blur as we sped down the highway.

"Where are we going, anyway?" I asked Edward.

"Top secret," he replied.

"You are so difficult," I groused good naturedly.

"And you're so nosy," he answered. "You have to know everything, be on top of everything."

I shrugged. "What can I say? I don't like surprises."

"You don't like not being in control."

I thought about that for a minute, furrowing my brow. "That's not true. I just want to know what's going on. At all times."

"That's called needing to be in control," Edward laughed. "And just for that I'm _definitely_ not telling you where I'm taking you."

"Fine," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest in mock annoyance. Edward chuckled and leaned forward, twirling the stereo dials.

"Did you bring your iPod?" he asked suddenly.

"Of course."

"I don't even know why I asked. I don't think I've ever seen you without it." I felt the pressure of the car speeding up as the road opened up and glanced at the speedometer, impressed that we were going ninety miles an hour and the car hadn't imploded. My old Chevy barely pushed fifty.

"I feel weird without it," I admitted a little sheepishly as I dug around my backpack and pulled it out. The headphones were a gnarled knotted mess; I yanked them from the device and tossed them carelessly back into my backpack.

"Well, plug it in." He gestured to the dash board. "I want to know what you've been listening to."

"Okay," I sighed as I stuck the iPod onto the car adapter. Its face blipped comfortingly to life. "Any requests?"

"What do you have?"

"Edward," I answered in a superior tone. "I have just about anything you could ever ask for."

"You can say that again." Edward looked at me pointedly, the rare streetlight illuminating his angular face briefly and I blushed when I realized he wasn't talking about music.

"Rock, Country, Punk, Classical," I rattled off a few genres, ignoring his innuendo.

"Rock," he replied. "Surprise me."

I scrolled through the list of artists before choosing one I was sure he had never heard of before. Eclectic sounding beats filled the car, grating jarringly in step with the wail of guitars and other various sounds: typewriters, xylophones, and telephones.

_Hey hey hey_  
_when the sky was grey_  
_and the water fell on top of us to wash us away_

_hey hey hey_  
_dirty clouds are rough_  
_and they're banging back and forth throwing lightning at us_

_hey hey hey_  
_if you wanna get struck_  
_throw the metal in the water and come dancing with us..._

"What the hell is this?" Edward wrinkled his nose in obvious distaste.

"It's called noise rock." I laughed loudly at his expression. "Just give it a chance, will you? Or," I raised an eyebrow in challenge, "you can tell me where you're taking me and I'll change it."

"No deal," Edward said sharply, though his lips curved into a smile that made my insides quiver. "I'll just have to endure it."

Edward exited from the highway onto a road that was twisting upwards into the mountains and I took pity on him and changed the music to something mellower. Eventually he turned down another road, this one barely paved, and the Volvo rolled expertly over the uneven ground.

I felt a little apprehensive as we drove deeper into the woods. "Um, I think you should tell me where we're going now," I said. "Because the whole woods thing is kind of turning creepy."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. What, do you think I'm going to murder you and bury your body in the woods or something?" Edward sounded exasperated.

"Yes."

He groaned. "Well, I'm not. A little trust, please." Edward frowned at me as he slowly pulled over and turned the car off. He pulled the key from the ignition and unbuckled his seat belt, twisting to pull something from the back seat but he stopped midway as he neared me. I could see his eyes in the moonlight. And he looked hungry.

"I don't think I mentioned this before but you're a very good kisser," he murmured, leaning toward me.

"You sound surprised," I replied breathlessly. He chuckled, nuzzling my neck, his breath hot against my skin. I shivered deliciously.

He followed my neck to my jaw, giving me small kisses as his lips trailed up my cheek, then to my lips.

It was all I could do not to wrap my arms around him but we were in the most awkward position possible. Not that it stopped me from returning his kisses gratefully.

He growled a little as I slipped my tongue into his mouth, pressing against his lips with mine. Then, he pulled away.

"Let's move somewhere more comfortable, shall we?" he asked. I glanced into the backseat.

"That's not what I meant!" Edward exclaimed, apparently offended when he realized what I was thinking. "Just up that path about thirty feet is the most beautiful cliff, with an exquisite view of the forest."

"It's pitch black, Edward."

"Not up there it isn't. It's supposed to be a clear night." He stretched his arm out and pulled out a lantern. "Plus we have this."

"Aren't there wild animals out there? You know, like bears and mountain lions and shit that could fucking kill us?"

"Bella," Edward's tone became stern, authoritative. "Stop asking questions and just follow me. I'm not going to get you eaten by a bear."

"I'm going to be pissed if I get mauled or something."

"Get out of my car." Edward flicked on the lantern and rolled his eyes. I heaved a sigh and complied.

I balked a little when we came to the trail head and Edward grabbed my hand, tugging me along with him as he held the lantern in front of him, lighting our way. He had a thick blanket thrown over one shoulder and walked confidently, as if he knew the trail by heart.

"This is like a bad after school special," I panted as I hurried to keep up with him. "You know, where the beautiful boy leads the poor naive teen into the woods for a little heavy petting and the next thing you know it's all 'Deliverance this' and 'squeal like a pig that'?"

"Bella, shut up," Edward growled, stopping suddenly to smother any further protests with his lips. "Just enjoy this, for fuck sake, will you?"

"I do enjoy _this_," I muttered teasingly against his lips. "Just don't throw my body in the water, okay? They always look really bloated and gross on TV when they come out of the water."

"You are such a pain in the ass," Edward gathered a fistful of my hair, pushing it from my face. "You always have to have the last word."

"Yup." I grinned.

He was right about the view. My mouth dropped open as I crept toward the cliff's edge, looking down onto a wide shimmering lake flanked by trees that spanned out in an endless sea of black, undulating featherlike as the wind teased them under the moonlight. I stared at the wondrous beauty until Edward gently tugged my hand again, pulling me down onto the blanket with him.

"So," I asked in a joking tone, hoping to dispel the sudden nervousness I felt. "How many other girls have you brought up here?"

"None."

I smirked disbelievingly at him. "Oh please."

"I'm serious." Edward pulled something from his coat pocket; it was a small flask and he took a nip from it before passing it to me. "This isn't exactly a first date most girls would want. I generally try to stick to dinner and a movie. That's what most women would prefer."

"But you take me out into the woods in the middle of the night?" I wondered, sniffing delicately before taking a sip. Whiskey burned hotly down my throat, warming me.

"I figured you would like this more than a boring old dinner-and-a-movie date."

"Oh." I fiddled with an errant twig that found its way onto out blanket. "Well, you're right."

Edward looked smug. "I know."

I shivered in the brisk evening air. "But next time, warn me. I would have dressed better if I'd known we'd be roughing it."

The grin Edward gave me made my stomach flip flop. He looked down at me, eyes flashing, almost hungrily. "Personally," he said casually, "I'm glad you didn't dress appropriately. I guess that means I'll just have to keep you warm. Oh, and this will help also." The lantern light glinted off the silver of a flask.

"Edward Cullen," I murmured, smiling. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Absolutely not. Just warm enough that you won't care when I take your sweater off."

I tried not to shiver at his words but failed miserably.

"What on earth makes you think I'm going to take my sweater off?" I said teasingly.

Edward bared his teeth and leaped for me. I gave a small shriek, shocked by his sudden movement as he wrapped his arms around me, pushing me down against the blanket, his body hovering slightly above mine.

"I can think of a few things, Bella." He moved closer to me and I was frozen, prey caught in the sights of a predator. "Like this, for example." His hair tickled my forehead as Edward dipped his head to kiss me deeply, his hands entwining my hair.

"That's a start," I gasped. "But I don't think a little kissing is going to get me to take off my sweater in this weather."

Edward cocked a brow. "Are challenging me, Bella Swan?"

I tried to hide my grin, my lips twitching. "Maybe."

"Silly little girl," he whispered, his lips brushing against my ear, sending another tremor down my spine. "I never back down from a challenge." He kissed my earlobe, nibbled at it and I moaned. "And I don't lose them, either."

I tried to push away but he wrapped one arm tightly around me, gently resting his body on mine. His weight was warm on top of me as he continued to kiss my face and neck. I kissed him back greedily, suddenly hungry for the taste of his skin on my tongue. His breath hissed through his teeth as I teased his ear with my tongue and I felt his cock jump a little as he pushed my legs further apart, wriggling between them to bring his body closer to mine.

A wind whispered by us and we both shivered, every sensation heightened; we became almost desperate with our mouths on each other.

Suddenly, Edward rolled to my side and yanked my sweater up a few inches, exposing the white flesh of my stomach. I gasped and tensed as the cool mountain air tickled my bare belly. He cradled my hip with his hand, his index finger making lazy circles against the soft flesh of my stomach and I couldn't help but give a soft giggle.

"Shh." Edward looked at me through hooded eyes as he trailed his fingers across my skin. "Just relax, Bella."

I opened my mouth to say something but Edward pushed himself further down, taking my hips in his hands as he kissed my stomach, dragging his teeth gently up my side, nudging my sweater over my ribcage.

My vision swam hazy as Edward continued to tease my skin until I was practically bucking against his lips.

Any thought of being cold was long gone from my mind. I could think of nothing but Edward's hand on my skin, his soft warm lips exploring me. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, his face dancing under my lids as his fingers traced circles slowly, seductively up my belly. I moaned again as he nudged my sweater up further, his fingers pushing against the underwire of my bra.

"Take off your sweater," he rasped, his voice thick with arousal.

I sputtered a laugh. "No."

"Bella," Edward growled, bringing his face near to mine. His eyes glittered in the moonlight, his hair more mussed than usual. I felt his fingers break through the barrier of my bra. "Take off your sweater."

I grinned devilishly. "Never." My voice broke as Edward's fingers found my nipple, wrenching the last syllable from my lips with a hoarse cry. He rubbed a lazy circle around my nipple as he nibbled on my neck and I rocked languidly with the rhythm, my breathing growing heavy. Then, abruptly, he stopped.

I didn't move for a moment, stunned at the sudden emptiness that Edward's lack of touch brought. My skin begged for his return and my hips bucked toward him, pleading for his touch involuntarily.

"Take off your sweater," Edward whispered in my ear, sending electric chills through my body. "I'll stop if you don't."

I groaned. "No fair," I whispered back, pushing myself greedily against him. "That's unfair advantage."

His fingers crept under my bra again. "I never said anything about playing fair."

The tips of his fingers brushed tantalizingly across my nipple again and I pushed his hands away roughly as I sat up briefly and pulled my sweater off. Edward grinned widely, pulling the blanket closely around us as I lied back down, shirtless.

"I win," he said softly, brushing a hand across my cheek. "Does that mean I can claim my prize?"

It was all I could do _not _to offer to take off the rest of my clothes, and his, when Edward unhooked my bra. My nipples tightened in the chilly air, and goose bumps broke out across my flesh.

"Mmm, you look cold." Edward brought his lips to my breast, teasing my nipple with his tongue, his lips curving into a wicked smile when I cried out, arching my back.

"You like that?"

"Oh god, yes, Edward," I gasped back, sucking in my breath as his tongue darted out again. "Very much."

"That's good," his voice reverberated delightfully against my flesh as he gently nipped at my nipple. "Because I like doing this."

I clutched at him and bent down to kiss his hair; it smelled sweet, almost like strawberries.

I looked around at our surroundings as Edward kissed and licked his way back to my belly, amazed at how the scenery heightened every kiss, every touch. The trees swayed surreally in the breeze, a soft soothing whispering melody, standing tall like sentries, protecting us as we licked and kissed each other in our meadow. Because, I realized with a small amount of wonder, that's what it was now. Ours.

The snap of the button on my jeans plunged me back to reality. Reluctantly, I found my self control in a haze of arousal and grabbed Edward's wrist.

"Uh uh." I shook my head, regretfully. "Not yet."

A look of disappointment flashed across his face and he planted a longing kiss on the zipper of my jeans. Then he stretched himself next to me and kissed me, smiling softly.

"Can't blame me for trying," he murmured, brushing his hand across my cheek.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I didn't mean to tease you or anything-"

"You didn't," he answered firmly. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. I understand."

"It's not that I don't want to –"

Edward cut me off with another kiss. "Bella, I mean it. It's fine." His lips twisted in a sexy mischievous smile. "I'll just have to make up for lost time later, that's all."

I shivered. "Is that a threat or promise?" I whispered.

Edward's hand slid across my stomach as he reached over and wrapped us tightly in the blanket. "Both."

*******************************

The sun was just beginning to peek through the darkness of night as I crept inside Charlie's house and made my way to my room, my heart pounding. Charlie's raucous snores echoed down the tiny hallway and finally breathed a sigh of relief as I closed the door softly to my bedroom.

I was too tired to even bother washing up and crawled under the blankets in nothing by my panties. The scent of Edward still lingered on my skin, like a secret that was mine to keep. I was thinking of his hands against my breasts even as my eyes were shutting of their own accord. Sighing contently, I curled myself into my blankets, succumbing to the intoxicating mix of euphoria and exhaustion as I drifted off to sleep.

And that was the first night I dreamt of Edward.

______________________________________________________

As always - the music (in order of appearance)  
**Chapter Title - **The Lovecats - The Cure  
Waiting Room - Fugazi  
Days of Being Wild - And you will know us by the trail of dead (longest band never EVER!)  
Clear Island - Liars


	7. Magic Trick

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll! Oh, and violence. And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. **Eighteen and over only.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX - MAGIC TRICK **

Charlie was talking quietly on the phone when I scurried down the stairs the next morning, finally forced from my peaceful slumber by my insistently hungry stomach. He hung up and walked over to the counter, picking up a cup of coffee and staring glumly at the dark whorls of clouds outside.

"Supposed to be a bad storm today," he remarked casually. "I'm going to head down to the Rez to catch the ball game with Harry."

"Have fun with that," I told him cheerily. Charlie looked askance.

"Do you want to come?" he asked as he pulled a twelve-pack of Rainier from the fridge. I got to work cracking a couple of eggs into a in a skillet, even though it was closer to lunchtime than breakfast. He wrinkled his nose as I gave a bottle of hot sauce a few generous shakes.

"Thanks, Charlie, but I think I'll stay in. Sports don't really interest me," I replied, smiling broadly.

Charlie narrowed his brown eyes at me. "What's wrong?" he asked suspiciously.

I frowned. "Nothing's wrong." I jerked my wrist, flipping the eggs over in the skillet with a satisfying hiss.

"You're smiling."

I slanted my eyes at Charlie, confused. "And?"

"Well, you haven't smiled like that in… well," Charlie looked a little abashed, as if he just realized he shouldn't have brought it up. "Well, since you've gotten here, I guess."

"Oh." I figured telling him that I was in high spirits thanks to a midnight make-out session with Edward Cullen would do me no good, so I kept my eyes focused on the eggs as I slid them onto a plate, their insides warm and perfectly runny. The toaster binged on the counter, releasing two pieces of toast, which I used to murder the perfection of the eggs. The yellow seeped out of the destruction and I sopped it up greedily with the bread.

"At least sit down," Charlie huffed, looking slightly disgusted as I wolfed my meal down.

"Shwoarr." I sat down and licked yolk from my fingers, ignoring Charlie's apparent disapproval of my eating habits. The truth was I rarely sat down to eat meals. Renee and I never really shared dinner together and I often ended up hunched over my laptop with a plate on the desk. Eating with Charlie was just plain uncomfortable; neither of us ever seemed to know what to say.

"What are your plans for today?"

I shrugged and swallowed a mouthful of bread. "I don't know. Maybe some homework and laundry, I guess."

Charlie nodded curtly and turned to leave. He was almost to the front door when he stopped and turned back toward the kitchen.

"Oh, Bella," he called over the distance, "Your mother called."

My good mood hovered inside of me for one short moment before it crashed into the ground and disappeared.

"What did she want?" My voice was terse, angry.

"She wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, well, it's good to want things."

Charlie paused, measuring his words. "Look, Bells, you should call her. I know you're upset but-"

"Upset doesn't quite cut it, Charlie." I stood abruptly and scraped the half-eaten eggs into the garbage, my hunger pangs replaced by something deeper, sharper. "Did you tell her I got suspended?"

"No," he replied softly. "I figured I'd leave that up to you."

I gave Charlie a small smile, grateful he kept his mouth shut, especially since I had no intention of talking to my mother, much less telling her I got into a fight at school.

"Thanks, Charlie."

"Will you call her?"

I hesitated, feeling guilty about lying to him outright. "Yeah, sure. I'll call her."

Later. Like never.

After Charlie left, I plugged into my iPod and busied myself with mundane chores, pushing Renee out of my thoughts. Unfortunately, it didn't take me as long as I had hoped to do some wash and tidy up, and soon enough I found myself with nothing to do but stare moodily out the window, the strum of guitars trickling into my ears barely registering. _I come from just the other side of nowhere/ To this big time lonesome town/ They got a lot of ice and snow here/ Half as cold as all the people I've found/ Every way I try to go here seems to bring me down/ I've seen about enough to know where I belong..._

Five o'clock found me lying on my bed, staring absently at the ceiling as a nasty tempest raged outside of Charlie's house, clamoring at the windows to get inside. The thunder was cacophonous and lightening cleaved through the thick black sky in dazzling arcs of blinding yellow-white brilliance. Boredom ate away at me; my body felt heavy, ennui sinking me deeper into the sagging mattress the longer I remained inert. I envisioned myself disappearing inch by inch until the mattress finally engulfed me, and thought of the time Renee and I had rented _A Nightmare on Elm Street_. Images of a young Johnny Depp fighting death in a sea of blood flickered past my mind's eye. I couldn't decide what was worse - getting sucked into my mattress or calling my mother. I dispelled my musings with a huff, rolled over onto my belly, and grabbed my phone. No new calls. I flipped it open anyway and the face lit up, signaling that there was nothing wrong with the phone.

I was loath to admit it to myself, but I wasn't actually bored. I was waiting, and patience had never been a strong suit of mine.

Edward hadn't called.

_The phone is a fine invention/ It allows me to talk endlessly to you/ About nothing disguising my intentions/Which I'm afraid, my friend, are wildly untrue..._ I knew there was no reason why I couldn't just pick up the phone and dial him, but my stubbornness outweighed my desire to talk to him. Barely. He had suggested sneaking out, he was the one who brought me to the woods. Edward was the first to make a move back in Port Angeles. And he would be the first one to call.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice sounded distant and small, tinny under the violent thrashing of the furor outside.

"Hi Charlie!" I scrabbled off my bed, flung open the door and thundered down the stairs. "How are you?"

He stared at me a mixture of fear and distrust, like I just admitted I murdered the old lady down the street. I grinned at him, eager to focus on something other than the fact that Edward had not called.

"All right, what on earth is going on with you?" Charlie exclaimed, throwing up his hands helplessly. I froze in my spot.

"Huh?" My mind stuttered and, with a jolt, I wondered if he discovered that I had snuck out the night before. Judging by the perplexed--but not angry--look on his face, I figured my secret was safe.

"First, this morning you were all cheerful and then tonight I come home and you come out of your room like a bat out of hell, looking very happy to see me."

I laughed. "Charlie, c'mon," I wheedled teasingly. "I just happen to be in a good mood, that's all."

"If you were any other kid, Bella," Charlie said, waving a finger at me, "I would buy that. But you're up to something and I'm going to find out what it is."

"Are you hungry?" I asked innocently.

"Don't change the subject, missy," Charlie growled back but the suspicion had vanished from his voice and he regarded me with wary, but hopeful, eyes.

"I promise I'm not up to something, Charlie." I rolled my eyes and heaved a martyred breath. "Now, are you hungry or not? I can cook a mean chicken..."

"Who are you and what have you done with the teenager who was living here before?" Charlie laughed, a soft wheeze, and followed me to the kitchen.

After dinner I shooed Charlie from the kitchen and took my time cleaning up, disinclined to head back to my room. I had purposely left my cell phone up there, so I wouldn't be tempted to look at it every fifteen minutes and wonder why Edward had not yet called.

Grease pocked the water in the sink with iridescent bubbles as I puzzled over the previous night's activities in my head. Maybe Edward thought it was a mistake and that was why he had not called. Or perhaps his parents caught him sneaking out and he was grounded. I gnawed my bottom lip anxiously, loathing the upheaval in my emotions that one absent phone call was causing.

I willed myself not to pounce on my phone the moment I stepped into my bedroom and instead busied myself on the internet, the greatest tool of procrastination ever invented. But after a half-hour of mindless web surfing, my curiosity got the better of me and I reluctantly reached for the phone.

_1 missed call._

The phone snapped open in my hand but there was no message, only Edward's name blinking at me expectantly. I pressed send.

"About time," Edward greeted me drolly. "I called almost an hour ago."

"I was downstairs having dinner with Charlie," I replied.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to call me back."

And I was beginning to think you weren't going to call at all… "It's not like I was sitting around waiting for you to call or something," I lied glibly. "I returned your call as soon as I checked my phone."

Edward chuckled. "I have to admit, I was kind of hoping I'd hear from you sooner."

"Oh." I glanced at the clock. "I guess it is kind of late. You have to get up early tomorrow for school."

"And you don't, fighter girl," Edward snickered again. "What do you plan to do with all that free time of yours?"

I twisted a lock of hair around my finger. "Oh, I don't know. Sleep late, watch some TV, maybe go to Port Angeles and hang out."

"Alone?" Edward's tone turned sharp.

I raised a brow. "Do I need a chaperone?"

"What if you run into that asshole?"

"Edward, if I run into James, I will merely walk away. What's he going to do? Beat me up?"

"Or worse."

"Oh please, Edward," I groaned. "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Besides, he's just some dumb punk. Don't worry so much."

Edward sighed. "Please don't go to Port Angeles. I'll worry whether you want me to or not."

"We'll see," I compromised. "I'll probably just stick around Forks tomorrow, anyway. Not sure if Charlie would appreciate me gallivanting around when I'm technically supposed to be punished."

"Good. Does that mean I can come by and see you after school tomorrow?"

A little tremor of elation coursed through me. "Here?"

"Yes, there."

"I'd have to ask Charlie."

"I'll come by after dinner, then."

I grinned. "Sounds like a plan, Edward."

I hung up the phone, grinning as I looked around my room, only vaguely wondering how I would tell Charlie about my impending visitor. I wasn't sure if he would care or not but that wasn't going to stop me from seeing Edward.

Edward excited me. At the same time, I felt a little calmer inside when he was around. With a small jolt of wonder, I realized I was more comfortable around him then I'd ever been with another person. I closed my eyes, conjuring up images of his crooked grin, the way his bronze hair would fall into his green eyes when he leaned down to kiss me. _What a beautiful face/ I have found in this place/ That is circling all around the sun/ What a beautiful dream/ That could flash on the screen..._

The next night, I cooked lasagna for Charlie in the hopes that it would make him a little more amiable when I talked to him about Edward.

"Hey Charlie." I leaned against the counter, shifting my eyes from him and letting my hair hide my hot cheeks. Charlie glanced up from his newspaper. "Is it okay if I have someone over tonight?"

Charlie looked pleased. "Of course, Bella. I'm glad to see you're finally making friends."

I was positive if Charlie knew how me and my 'friend' spent our time together he wouldn't be so pleased."Uh, yeah. He'll be here in a little bit, then."

"He?" Charlie's smile plummeted from his face. "Who's 'he'?"

"Edward." I shuffled under Charlie's growing glower.

"Edward Cullen?" he said darkly, the crow's feet around his eyes deepening as he scowled. "You couldn't find another boy to make friends with? A nice boy?"

"Edward is a nice boy," I defended lamely, avoiding eye contact. "He's just a little misunderstood."

Charlie scrutinized me, a look of understanding dawning on his face. "You like this boy?"

"Can we not talk about this?" I mumbled, flushing deeply. "No offense, Charlie but…"

"Fine. But you have to leave the door to your room open. I don't want any funny business going on in this house." Charlie's face flushed scarlet and he cleared his throat awkwardly, obviously as uncomfortable with the conversation as I was.

"Charlie!" I groaned. "Okay, okay. The door stays open."

"Edward Cullen," Charlie muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

The doorbell rang promptly at seven. I flew from my room and raced down the stairs, barely avoiding a collision with Charlie as he lumbered out of the living room. He smirked as he opened the door and I rolled my eyes, glaring at him.

"Good evening, Chief Swan," Edward said politely, stifling a smile as I peeked out from behind Charlie.

"Edward," Charlie responded stiffly, grudgingly moving aside to let him in. Charlie was a maladroit actor, playing his role with a good deal of unease etched on his face. Edward, on the other hand, was a smooth operator, suave and courteous. He stuck out his hand and shook Charlie's, the smallest of crooked smiles curving his lips. _Grace under pressure/ Cooling palm across my brow/ Eyes of an angel..._

"Okay, enough of that," I announced loudly, tugging at Edward's sleeve. "C'mon, let's go upstairs."

"Sure." Edward's grin grew; I detected a slight spark in his eye, that hungry expression fighting to remain under wraps as he regarded me.

"Door open, Bells," Charlie reminded me sternly.

"Charlie!" I hissed back, making a slashing motion across my neck with my hand. "Knock it off! I know."

Charlie just growled and wandered back to the television, and I led Edward to my bedroom.

"So, this is your room..." Edward peered around the tiny space. I leaned casually against the doorframe and pulled my hair off my neck, suddenly feeling a little flushed.

"It's no great shakes but it works," I answered. His presence seemed huge in my tiny room, as if his already tall frame had grown, lean and strong, right before me. His eyes raked across the old, worn rocking chair in the corner before settling on my narrow cluttered little desk.

"And this is your desk." Edward's long lean fingers traced a line on the edge of my desk.

He turned and headed for the bed. "And your bed."

"Uh, yeah." I furrowed my forehead. "So far, so good, Captain…"

Edward chuckled, a little sharply. "I'm just deciding where I'm going to fuck you when it comes to that."

My knees buckled as a lick of hot white passion whipped through me as I also imagined what he would do to me on various pieces of my bedroom furniture.

I cleared my throat. "That's… quite pervy of you," I choked out.

Edward only looked smug as he approached me. "But you liked it." He pushed a lock of hair away from my face and leaned in to kiss me. At first his lips just grazed mine, lightly. Then the kisses became more insistent, demanding, and I gasped as he roughly pulled me into his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around me.

Finally, with great reluctance, I broke the kiss. "Charlie could come up here any second," I rasped, sagging against his arms. "He'll go apeshit if he catches us."

"Charlie won't come up here," Edward replied as his finger curled into my hips. "Trust me."

"How do you know?" I doubtfully replied. "He's probably at the bottom of the stairs right now."

"Bella." Edward tugged me into my bedroom and we half waltzed until I resting against my desk. It's wooden edge bit into the tops of thighs, making me squirm. "Don't worry about it."

"I am-" I bit off my sentence with a soft sigh as Edward slipped a hand under my sweater, his fingers warm and slightly calloused against my flesh, tickling me. His other hand crept up my back, until he had wrapped a hank of my hair in his fist. He pulled on it, forcing me to raise my head and look at him. "Kiss me," he commanded, giving my tresses another sharp tug. _They're going to send us to prison, for sure/for having vague ideas of ways to turn each other on again…_

I obeyed, pushing my tongue greedily into his mouth, and his fingers bit into my skin. Edward's breath was ragged against my lips and I moaned, causing him to tighten his grip on my hair and kiss me deeply.

"Now," Edward murmured as he released my hair. "Did you put on that sexy little outfit just for me?"

I sputtered a laugh, surprised at the question. "Maybe."

Edward gathered the cloth of my black corduroy skirt in one hand, pulling it up over the heavy cotton of my stockings, his eyes hooded as he leaned in to nibble at the hollow of my neck. My own hands started working and I found the hem of his button down, curled my fingers over the waist of his jeans, the leather belt smooth against my palms. Edward's breath hitched as I traced my fingertips up over his taut belly, feeling the soft trail of hair and letting it lead my hands down to where I started.

"Bella," Edward said warningly. "You'd better behave or else."

"Or else what?" I teased, reaching up to kiss his neck. I found the belt buckle and easily undid it though I fumbled embarrassingly with the buttons on his jeans. Edward growled, guttural, feral. His hands were on my waist, lifting me so I was half sitting on the desk, balancing on my tiptoes and pushed open my thighs.

"Oh my," Edward whispered huskily, "You really are going to be the death of me."

His gaze was trained on the swath of my alabaster thighs, stark against the black of my skirt and thigh-hi stockings. He swung his gaze to the open door and grinned deliciously.

"You better hope like hell Charlie doesn't come up here." His fingers traced the edge of the edge of my panty. "Because we'll both be arrested for what I plan to do to you."

Before I could respond he grabbed me again, swinging me easily onto my bed. The tiny frame groaned as I fell back and Edward stretched out next to me, one hand going to the back of my neck while the other tugged at my panties.

"Take them off," he said hoarsely and I scrambled to comply. His fingers dipped into my cunt and I moaned, loudly.

"Shhh," Edward admonished, plunging his fingers inside me again. I bit back a groan. "Don't make a sound."

I nodded but a small whimper escaped me as he circled my clit with his thumb, keeping an even rhythm as he moved one, then two fingers in and out. My hips bucked against his hand and another small mew burst from my lips.

"Ah, ah," Edward whispered in my ear, his fingers tightening around my neck. "One more peep out of you and I'll stop."

"Oh?" I shifted slightly, his fingers still inside of me, and tugged at his jeans. "I don't think you will."

His eyes widened when I eased my hand down into his boxer shorts and wrapped around his hard cock that was trapped by his clothing. Edward lifted his hips a little and I pulled it out. Gently, I stroked him and his breath caught, his eyes closing as he sighed in pleasure.

"Told you so," I whispered, sliding my hand down the shaft toward his balls. He gasped as I cupped them, squeezing slightly.

He pulled me closer to him, roughly, and he thrust his fingers deeper, pushing into me, filling me and I groaned as loudly as I could before his mouth crushed against mine.

Our kisses deepened and grew as our hands moved in tempo across each other's bodies. A tingling pleasure coursed through me, growing, threatening to take over and I arched my back with a whimper even as my hand tightened slightly on his cock.

"Not yet," he whispered into my ear, raggedly, breath hot against my skin. I stroked the tip of his penis with my thumb and a growl rumbled through Edward's chest.

"Please," I yelped. My thighs were quivering against his forearm, begging him not to stop. Edward shuddered, his own climax growing and thumbed my clit, demanding orgasm.

I rocked against his fingers as I came, my hands curling around fistfuls of his hair, biting back the moan that was threatening to escape. Edward groaned again, his body stiffening as I quickened my strokes on his cock. It grew beneath my hand and he moaned softly again, wrapping his arms around me as he came.

For a few moments there was no sound in my bedroom except our unsteady, heavy breaths, slowly returning to normal. My heart pounded in my chest and I buried my face in Edward's neck, breathing in his mysterious woodsy scent. He stroked my hair.

"Bella," he breathed and I thrilled to hear him say it. "My god, Bella."

"Uh huh," I murmured back, hiding a pleased smile. "Me too."

Edward kissed me again and carefully adjusted my clothes. I handed him a tissue from the night table and we cleaned up in silence before I found myself being pulled back into his arms. I tipped my head back to peer into his eyes.

Their emerald color was dark and shadowed, his gaze intense as he regarded me silently.

"You are so beautiful," he said suddenly, in a muted voice. "I remember the first time I sat next to you in Biology. You had no idea just how lovely you are."

I gave a small contented yawn. "You're not so hard on the eyes yourself," I said, snuggling closer to him.

Then we fell into silence and, for the first time I could remember, I felt content." _And this is the room/ One afternoon I knew I could love you/ And from above you how I sank into your soul/ Into that secret place where no one dares to go_...

Charlie was making a fuss downstairs and his banging echoed up the hall, breaking our reverie. Reluctantly, I pushed myself up and looked at Edward, who had a small sated smile playing on his lips.

"You probably should go," I said, regret in my voice. Edward merely nodded and sat up, still staring at me.

"I'll see you soon?"

"Of course." I grinned. "I'd like that."

"Good." Edward moved toward me again and brushed his palm against my cheek.

"Come on." I tugged at his arm. "Before Charlie comes up here to investigate."

We walked quietly down the stairs together and stopped in the foyer. I peered behind me, into the living room to make sure Charlie wasn't lurking. Satisfied, I turned back to Edward. His cheeks had taken on a bit of a flush, his hair was more tousled than normal and he wore a languid, lazy crooked smile as he leaned down to kiss me.

"Have a good night, Bella Swan," he whispered, his lips brushing mine.

"Same to you," I breathed back.

"I already did." Edward's smile grew and touched my cheek softly. Then he was gone.

*********************************

I tried to ride the high of spending time with Edward as long as I could, but by Wednesday I was ready to jump off a cliff. Charlie told me that some of the Quileute boys were fond of cliff jumping and, had it not been nearing the end of winter, I probably would have joined them. Instead, I paced the confines of Charlie's house for the umpteenth time, swinging my arms rhythmically in time to the music pumping through my arms. _Oh Nothing Changes Round Here, Oh Nothing Changes Round Here/ Oh No/ Oh But I See You Now On The Outskirts Of Town/ But The Fog Gets So Heavy…_

I had been suspended once in Phoenix and it was nothing compared to the sheer torture of being suspended in Forks. Phoenix was a city, and I was free to wander it to my delight. My suspension had been nothing more than a weeklong vacation.

By comparison, time slogged to a near standstill in Forks. There was nothing to do but watch television, listen to music, or surf the internet. I debated going to the diner for lunch but knew that would only earn me curious stares. Or hostile ones, if the patrons knew what had put me out of school in the first place.

The doorbell rang, clanging dustily and I raced to the front door, eager to talk to someone, anyone. Now I knew why solitary confinement was such an effective punishment. I was certainly not a social person, but even I found isolation and lassitude intolerable.

The postman greeted me amicably, and even before he handed off the package, I knew who it was from. Before I could refuse, he dumped the box in my outstretched hands and turned away from the house, leaving me on the front stoop, staring at the parcel as if it were about to blow up in my hands.

It was perfectly square and very light, almost as if it were empty. I gave it a tentative shake and its content whispered against the box. I shook it harder, hoping to hear the tinkling of broken glass. The urge to drop kick the box across the wet yard was overwhelming but, with a sigh, I retreated back into the house and shut the door.

My hands trembled a little as I slid a knife under the packing tape and pried open the cardboard flaps. Renee's messy handwriting greeted me and my chest tightened. I raked a chair across the kitchen floor and fell into it.

A rueful giggle began to build in my stomach as I began to read the note. When I got to Renee's lament about feeling lonely in Florida and how hot the weather was, that giggle grew. It finally burst spontaneously from my lips when she gushed about the beautiful condo she and Phil were living in and how they were planning a second honeymoon to Cancun later in the year. The absurd laughter grew until tears were streaming from my cheeks and I doubled over, choking on it, appalled at how absolutely selfish and ridiculous my mother really was. The paper crumpled in my fist easily and I tossed it across the kitchen, sourly looking at my surroundings as my mirth subsided. A glutton for punishment, I peered into the package again and pulled out something soft, wrapped in cheap decorative tissue.

The mittens were knitted with soft, muted colors and I tugged one on. It was bulky, warm and traveled easily to my elbow. I stared at my covered hand, feeling tears prick the back of my eyelids, hot and irritating. Carefully, I counted out my breaths, focused on pushing back the surge of emotion that was grumbling inside of me.

And then, nothing. The wool mitten was smooth as I slid it from my hand and chucked it back into the box, interlocked the flaps.

I retreated to my room and stood in the middle of the small, cramped space, holding the box out at arm's length. I remained still, until my shoulders and arms began to protest their position. My fingers seemed so white and fragile against the grainy cardboard; I didn't like how dry it felt against my skin. Almost of their own accord, my hands released the box and it fell to the ground with a soft whoosh, the faint wind of acceleration touching my face. With a swift kick, I sent the box scuttling across the carpet, where it came to rest beneath my bed, peeking out just a little.

I wanted to call Renee and tell her to stay out of my life, tell her that I didn't need her, but I couldn't. I knew if I heard her voice I would not be able to contain all the thoughts that were threatening to converge and engulf me. I leaned over and grabbed my cell phone, cradling it in my palm, staring at the glossy, blank and empty face. It gave a click as I flipped it open and the face came alive as I scrolled through the contacts. It didn't take long to go through the pitifully short list. _I'm on my own now/ you've gone and left me/ I bet you don't know/ how you've upset me…_

I erased my mother's name and shut the phone.

And screamed when it instantly began to ring.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"You sound like you just finished running a marathon," Edward chuckled.

"Oh. Yeah, something like that." There was no point in discussing the gift with anyone, I reasoned. It will be as if it never existed.

"How was school?" I asked.

"Boring. Dull. Tedious. And very lonely without you," he replied. The phone gave a scuffling sound as Edward settled himself. "How was suspension?"

"Boring, dull, tedious," I laughed but it sounded off. "The usual."

"What did you do today?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing," Edward repeated dubiously. "You sat around and did nothing all day?"

I sighed. "I cleaned up a little bit. Took a shower. Did some laundry." Irritation rang down the line. "That's about it."

"What's your problem?" Edward asked me, annoyed.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus. I imagined Edward kissing me, his warm arms heavy around my body, pulling me in. I wanted him to soothe me, kiss away the strange empty hollowness that always seemed on the brink of consuming me.

"Nothing," I answered lightly instead. "Sorry, I'm just cranky from being bored all day. Tell me something that happened in school today." I tried to steer the subject from me.

Edward hesitated. "Nothing happened today, I already told you that. What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know," I sighed as I fell onto my bed, narrowing my eyes to study the ends of a thick lock of hair. They were split, a little, and surprisingly redder than I thought my hair was. "Being on good behavior, I guess."

"Sounds… fun."

"Not in the least." I rolled over, squashing the phone between my ear and a pillow.

Edward's voice sounded muffled and far away. "Well, you're doing nothing and I'm doing nothing so I think we should do nothing together."

"Um, I saw you Monday." I twisted again. "And I'm not so sure I want to tell Charlie that I'm seeing you again. He might think things."

I pulled the phone from my ear as Edward's angry voice resonated through it."What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Talk about temper.

"What do you mean 'what do I mean'?" I retorted. "I mean, I don't want him getting any funny ideas."

"About what?" Edward's tone was dangerous.

"I don't know!" I pressed my palms to my forehead and closed my eyes as a hint of a headache started to form. "Listen, I don't know what I'm saying. Never mind."

"Tell me what you were going to say," Edward demanded. "I'm serious Bella, I'm starting to get really pissed off."

I groaned. "Edward, just drop it. I'm just being stupid, that's all."

"You don't want Charlie to know that we're together?"

"No!"

"Well, fine then." I could practically feel the anger emanating through the phone.

"Wait, that's not what I meant!" I moaned, rolling my eyes, frustrated. "I don't care if he knows, Edward. I just don't know how to tell him yet."

"We are together, right?" Edward asked, apparently mollified by explanation.

If my emotions weren't spinning out of control, I would have been elated. Instead, I just felt confused. But I said, with as much happiness as I could muster, "Of course, Edward."

But I didn't know how to feel. I liked Edward, very much. But no one I had ever loved seemed to stick around very long.

I wanted to tell Edward why I was really upset but I couldn't. It seemed so inconsequential somehow, from an outside point of view. So I said nothing, not to Edward, not to Charlie.

But it gnawed me to the bone.

The next day Charlie gave me a worried when he came home from work.

"How was your day?" he asked cautiously, hanging up his gun belt. Clearly, he'd hoped my cheery mood would last longer than a few days. The disappointment was evident in the way he crinkled his eyes at me.

"It was good," I replied lightly. "How was yours?" I was going to have to get better at making small talk if I was going to keep up this "how was your day?" talk for long. It was getting redundant and stale. Fast.

"The usual." The door on the fridge groaned open and Charlie peered inside. "Hey, what say you and I go to the diner and get some dinner? My treat."

The offer surprised me; I knew Charlie often went to the diner for lunch but this was the first time he'd offer to go out to eat with me. "Sure. That sounds good."

The short ride from Charlie's to the diner was filled with awkward silence and both of us tumbled from the car, eager to get inside where the humdrum of other people would distract us from each other.

"Chief," the waitress smiled warmly at him and put two menus down. Her light blond hair was pulled back in a messy chignon at her neck and her tall willowy frame reminded me of a ballerina's. She looked familiar, though I was certain I had never met her before. It did not escape my attention that she didn't even look my way and my mood darkened.

"Evening, Annie." Charlie smiled back absently, not bothering to look at the menu. "I'll have the usual."

"Sure thing." The waitress hesitated, shifting her weight from foot to foot before she finally addressed me, her tone noticeably cooler. "And for you?"

Your head on a platter, I thought mutinously. I took a little longer than I needed to make a decision. "Veggie burger. With fries."

Her pen hovered over her order pad for a moment before she looked back at me. "I think we may be out of veggie burgers. Let me go check..."

She turned from our table before I could reply and disappeared through the two swinging doors that led to the kitchen. I was perusing the menu for a back-up plan when she returned less than a minute later, the slightest hint of a malicious smirk seeming to dance across the corners of her lips.

"Okay, hon, I set aside the last veggie burger - we'll make it special for you." Her tone seemed suspiciously more friendly than necessary. Where did I know her from? I was obviously missing something…

And then it hit me: Annie, Lauren Mallory's older sister. They shared the same sharp features and white blond hair. I narrowed my eyes at her.

Without giving me a chance to respond, she snapped up the menus. "Comin' right up." She called over her shoulder as she trounced off back to the kitchen, the doors flapping helplessly on their hinges after her.

"That bitch is going to spit in my food," I grumbled. "She knows I beat up her sister."

"Bella!" Charlie hissed, scandalized. "Watch your mouth."

"Did you see how she barely looked at me? What was all that???" I defended ferociously, our voices hovering in curt whispers. "She looked at me like I was some kind of freak –"

"Listen to me, and listen to me good." Charlie's voice grew in volume, taking on an authoritative tone he rarely used on me. "You need to learn to accept the consequences for your actions. You attacked her sister! Did you think Annie was going to be nice about that?"

I threw up my hands. "Oh, that's just swell, Charlie," I exclaimed loudly. A few people shifted in their seats to look at us; I glowered back. "She's not just going to spit in my food. I can't imagine what she's going to do. No, scratch that, I can but I'd rather not."

"She isn't going to do anything to your food! For god sake, she's an adult!"

"I'm not eating here." I shoved the chair back and Charlie grabbed my hand.

"Now wait one minute!" he told me angrily. "I'm trying to have a nice dinner with you. Why do you always have to ruin everything?"

I wrenched my wrist from his grasp and stood sharply. By now everyone was staring at us, clearly enjoying the show.

"You're right, Chief Swan," I answered loudly, so everyone could hear. "That's what I always end up doing. I ruin everything."

Lauren's sister was edging toward our table with two glasses of water, confused and wary.

"Hey, you," I called to her. "Sorry I kicked your sister's ass. But she asked for it."

"Bella!" Charlie slammed his fist on the table, his face burning red in anger and embarrassment. "Stop this right now!"

I stared at him coldly. "Fine. Everything's already ruined anyway." I sneered and kicked back the chair as I whirled and ran out of the diner.

Night had fallen and a chill whip of air slapped my face as I jumped over the three stairs and hit the streets at a full run. I didn't know where I was going to go. And I didn't care.

Cars zipped past me on the road, sometimes so close I could feel the pressure of movement swirling around me in a mix of cold wet wind and exhaust fumes. My hoodie hid my face from passersby as I continued down the street at a loping jog, cursing myself for leaving my iPod at home. I hummed tunelessly, forcing myself not to think about the awkward scene I had left for Charlie to deal with at the diner.

A screech of tires against asphalt startled me; I jerked my head up, instinctively scurrying further away from the road, in case some vehicle was careening toward me. Instead, I saw a shiny silver Volvo pulling over. Edward looked curiously at me through the rear view mirror as I trotted up to the passenger door and slid inside.

"Just drive," I told him dourly. "Please."

"Where to?"

A sigh escaped me as I stared unseeingly out the window and realized that I didn't know where I wanted to go. _And tonight those graves are mine/ take 'em with me to county mile/ between the lovers and the small towns I've fled/it's hard to think when you're driving fast… _

There was no place else for me to go.

* * *

As always, if you have any questions, criticisms, ego strokes or hate comments - post 'em if you got 'em!

Title - Magic Trick - M. Ward  
**Lyrics**  
Just the Other Side of Nowhere - Kris Kristofferson  
You are What You Love - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins  
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel  
Grace Under Pressure - Elbow  
Guest Room - The National  
King of Carrot Flowers - Neutral Milk Hotel  
Nothing Changes Around Here - The Thrills  
Nothing Left - Buzzcocks  
Song for a Dry State - Roadside Graves


	8. No One's Ever Gonna Love You

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

Disclaimers - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll! Oh, and violence. And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. **Eighteen and over only.**

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN - NO ONE'S GONNA LOVE YOU**

"Are you going to tell me what your fucking problem is?" Edward glanced at me as he pulled the Volvo into a driveway that belonged to the biggest house I had ever seen. The Cullen residence. It was square and modern, sharp and elegant all at once. And very, very intimidating. If my mood hadn't been so foul I probably would have been impressed.

"No," I mumbled for the umpteenth time. "Is there anyone home?" I jerked my head toward the house and made a feeble attempt to pull the knots out of my hair.

"Probably just Emmett. Carlisle is at the hospital and… I'm not sure where my mother is." Edward pushed open his door and stepped out, ducking back into the car when he realized I was still rooted to my seat. He ran a hand through his tousled bronze hair, obviously exasperated. "Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah, I'm coming." Slowly I emerged from the warmth of the Volvo and squinted up at the house as the cool mist of rain coated my face, the tiny droplets feeling heavy against my lashes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward studying me, jade eyes sharp.

"What?" I asked, a little sourly.

"Nothing." Edward shoved his hands into his jeans pocket and I thought I saw the corner of his mouth curve crookedly into a smile before he turned away from me and headed toward the house.

Emmett was indeed home when we entered the house, his booming laughter echoing throughout large open rooms. Another voice, droll and feminine, answered his laughter but was too quiet for us to make out what she said.

"Oh, and Rosalie, too," Edward told me with narrowed eyes. "Those two are fucking joined at the hip."

I sighed. "Great."

Edward led me past a state-of-the-art looking kitchen and down a small staircase, Emmett's voice growing louder with each step. My dread was swelling as well, and I suddenly wished that I had just told Edward to take me home.

Home. Oh, shit.

"Um," I coughed softly to cover up my nervousness. "You know what, I probably should call Charlie and let him know I'm okay, since I just took off and all."

"Took off?" Edward frowned at me. "What do you mean?"

I kept my eyes averted as I fumbled around for my cell phone, fishing it out of one of the many pockets on my jacket. "Long story."

"What the fuck happened, Bella?" I could tell by the tone of his voice he wasn't going to drop this. He edged closer, cornering me, and I took a step back, bumping into the wall behind me. He plucked a lock of hair and tugged on it gently, insistently.

"We were at the diner and we got in a fight and I got mad so I left," I explained rapidly, shrugging my shoulders like it was no big deal.

"So, you were running away when I picked you up?" Edward was mad for some reason, his words seething, lips pulled tight in a disapproving line.

"Not exactly," I replied. "I was just trying to clear my head."

"Go call you father," Edward sighed and shook his head. "Before he arrests me for kidnapping or something."

"He's not my Dad," I reminded him sternly.

"Whatever." Edward turned and disappeared into the next room and I retreated down the hall to make my phone call.

_Don't be home, don't be home, don't be home_, I chanted silently to myself. My breath left in a whoosh of relief when the answering machine finally picked up.

"Hi Charlie," I said breathlessly into the phone. "It's Bella. I'm okay, I'm sorry about what I did and I know you're probably going to kill me so I'm just going to give you some time to calm down and I'll be home in, like, an hour, okay?" I paused and took a deep breath, biting my lip, "And Charlie… I'm really sorry."

I flipped the phone shut with shaking hands, filled my tight chest with as much oxygen as possible and followed Emmett's voice into the living room.

Rosalie's ice-blue eyes swept over my damp and dark figure, her lip curling slightly, the roll of her eye almost imperceptible.

"How suitable," she said to Edward. "You two are made for each other."

"Shut your mouth, Rose," Edward snapped. My steps faltered at the hard tone of Edward's voice, the warning in it unmistakable, even though I had no idea what exactly that warning was.

"Bella, since I'm sure you've never been formally introduced - this is my brother Emmett and Rosalie." Edward motioned for me to sit next to him on a plush looking couch. I fell into the cushions, my small frame nearly swallowed by their softness and Edward gave a chuckle, but it was laced with tension. His fingers tickled along my knee closest to him and finally came to rest on my thigh. The heat from his hand burned through my jeans and I felt a little uncomfortable at the public display.

There was a video game console on the table and we sat in silence for awhile, absently watching Rose and Emmett battle each other on a wide screen TV.

"What did Charlie say?" Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear. His breath sent shivers down my spine and stray hairs brushed my cheek before settling down again.

"I left a message," I replied, just as quietly. Rosalie watched as from the corner of her eye, her lip pulled in between her teeth as she mashed at the controller, torn between eavesdropping and beating Emmett at the video game. I captured her gaze with my cold one and her eyes hardened. Emmett suddenly threw his arms up in a triumphant yell. Rosalie tossed her controller on the couch and turned on toward Emmett.

"Rematch," she hissed acidly, leaning over to pause the game. I glanced at the cartoon characters on the screen, frozen in their ridiculous fighting poses, and the game finally registered in my brain.

"Soul Calibur?" I asked as I leaned closer toward Edward. "Nice choice."

Edward arched his brows at me. "You didn't strike me as the gaming type."

I shrugged. "Well, I really only like the fighting games."

Rosalie snorted indelicately and Edward threw her another warning glance, his square jaw clenched. Rosalie only glowered back and irritation rippled through me. The silent glaring match played out for a few more seconds before I decided to interrupt.

"Is there something I should know about?" I looked at Edward expectantly and Rose made another choking sound in her throat.

"No. Rosalie is just being a bitch," Edward practically growled the word, his gaze dark and furious, focused on the stunning blonde sitting across from him. "Emmett, control your girlfriend."

Emmett sighed and nudged Rosalie, who turned her vicious glance on him. "C'mon, Rose knock it off. And Edward," he added, his normally cheerful expression sliding from his face. "Don't call my girlfriend a bitch."

I watched the whole scenario slightly disinterested, still too focused on the diner incident. Something in my gut told me to pay attention, as if whatever warning Edward was silently conveying to Rosalie could pertain to me but my fight with Charlie left me shallow and brittle.

"I probably should go," I said suddenly. Rosalie smirked at me, pleased that I was leaving. Standing abruptly, I glanced down at Edward's bronze hair and he slowly looked up to meet my gaze.

"Will you take me home?" I asked.

"Let's go." Edward threw one last angry glance at Rose, grabbed me roughly by the wrist and practically dragged me from the room.

"What the fuck was that about?" I asked once we settled inside the Volvo. Edward gunned the engine and it roared angrily as he peeled out of the driveway and onto the wet, slick roads.

"It's nothing," Edward replied grimly, eyes trained on the road. I could feel the anger rolling from him in violent waves.

"I dunno, it sure seemed like something."

"Drop it."

"You looked like you were going to slap the shit out of Rosalie," I told him with a sharp laugh. "I mean, not that I would have minded or anything but…"

His jaw pulsed and his fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I suggest you let it go, Bella."

"Why are you so pissed off?" I crossed my arms petulantly, annoyed that Edward wouldn't tell me what was going on.

"I'm not pissed."

"Yes, you are," I insisted.

"Bella, just shut the fuck up!" Edward exploded, turning to face me, his green eyes glittering in anger.

I reeled as my brain absorbed not only his words but the hateful tone of his voice. I tried to tell myself that he was just misdirecting anger from Rosalie to me, but it didn't help; my fuse was still smoldering from my argument with Charlie and at Edward's words it reignited.

"Oh, don't give me shit, Edward," I snapped back. "I've had a fucked day and I'm not in the mood to hear it from you."

"Just shut your fucking mouth," Edward hissed, his eyes slanting angrily in my direction. "I told you to fucking drop the subject but you have to keep pushing and it's starting to annoy the fuck out of me."

I was speechless. The temptation to punch Edward right in his perfect nose was overwhelming but I wasn't so sure it would be worth the consequences. As the anger rolled from Edward in waves, I realized that maybe, just maybe, hitting him would be a really bad idea.

"Pull the car over." I reached for the door handle and heard the electronic lock snick shut.

Edward laughed bitterly. "I'm not letting you of this car."

"Pull over!" I demanded, pulling at the handle. "You're being an asshole!"

"If you keep yanking at that thing you're going to break it and I'm going to be really, really pissed and trust me, you don't want that. It's called a child proof lock which, given your behavior right now, seems very suitable."

"Fuck you." It was such a lame comeback but I was fresh out of witticisms. My head pounded, my blood felt thick in my veins and every part of my body ached. I wished the seat would just swallow me whole as I scowled down at my hands, which were curled tightly in my lap.

The car slowed and I looked up, surprised we had reached Charlie's house so quickly.

Edward glared at me and released the lock. "Get out."

A bubble of panic grew inside of me. "Listen," I said suddenly. "I'm sorry, okay? I just had a really bad day and -"

Edward leaned over me and I thought he was going to kiss me, tell me everything was okay and that he wasn't mad. Instead, he flung open the passenger door. _But someone/ they should have warned you/ when thing start splitting at the seams and now/ the whole thing's tumbling down... _

"I mean it, Bella," he told me in a flat cold voice. "Get out."

I laughed blackly, heart thudding. "Just like that, huh?"

"Yeah. Just like that."

I swallowed my hurt and quickly unbuckled my seat belt. "See around town, then. Asshole." With all the force I could muster I slammed the door. I caught a glimpse of Edward's face twisting angrily as I turned on my heel and stalked inside.

Charlie was waiting to pounce when I opened the door and I couldn't have cared less.

"What is your problem?" he shrieked, so furious he was practically shaking. "If you EVER pull a stunt like that again, so help me Bella, I'll ground you for life."

"Oooh," I shot back insolently. "I'm so scared now."

"What has gotten into you?"Charlie launched into his rant, building an angry momentum. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? Do you know what people are going to think?"

"I don't care what people-"

"I DO!" he thundered. "What are they going to say if the police chief can't even control his own child?"

"I'm NOT your child!" I yelled back. "And you're not my father!"

"I am the closest thing you have to a family, Bella." Charlie glared at me. "In fact, right now, I am your family. You've thrown everything I've done for you in my face. You've spit on every act of kindness. You're an ungrateful, selfish little brat, do you know that?"

"Oh fuck you," I snarled. A small part of me was recoiling in horror, screaming at me to stop what I was doing but the sound was drowned out by the violent waves crashing inside me.

Charlie moved suddenly and for a moment I thought he was going to smack me. Some part of me wished he would. Instead, he pointed at the stairs.

"Go to your room," he told me in a terrifyingly calm voice. "I can't look at you anymore. I'm disgusted with you."

I didn't need to be told twice.

Door slamming was becoming a specialty of mine and the house shook as I flung my bedroom shut. I found my iPod and flounced on my bed, curling up into myself.

I don't know how long I was in that position when I heard Charlie leave. I refused to move, even as my muscles ached and begged at me to. I remained still, focusing on each cramped limb as song after song trailed by in my head. _And this is where it began/shot through a shatter lens/ and there is virtue in loneliness /in vacant lots and florescent malls/in one room coffins and crowded halls…_ The pain was satisfying.

I could not allow myself to think. Not about Charlie and certainly not about Edward. Because if I did, my world would surely come crashing spectacularly around me and I wasn't sure I could handle another explosion like that.

I kept my static position, rooted to my bed until my bladder threatened to burst. Slowly I uncurled my legs, the muscles screaming in a mixture of relief and reproof at the motion. My back burned as I pushed myself to my feet and trudged to the bathroom.

Charlie had still not returned when I crept downstairs for a glass of water. Two slightly crushed cans of Rainier lingered on the countertop and gave me an idea.

Charlie kept a constant supply of beer in the house. There were always at least six cans cooling in the refrigerator and a couple of cases in the basement. Cautiously, I headed to the basement, straining for any sound of Charlie's arrival. I grabbed two cans of Rainier and swiftly headed back to the kitchen, where I swapped them for two cold ones. Contraband safely hidden under the bulk of my sweatshirt, just in case Charlie burst through the front door, I made my way back to my room.

The top popped open with a satisfying hiss and I licked at the bubbling froth delicately. It was watery, a little bit bitter but somehow bland at the same time. Beer did not warm the throat and belly like the whiskey Edward and I shared but it would do the trick. Tipping my head back, I guzzled the entire can until it dribbled from mouth and down my chin.

My head swam from the alcohol and the effort and I laid back against the headboard, gasping a little. Lazily, the beer began to warm my insides. I smiled, nestling further into the pillows and opened the other can.

"Fuck you, world. And fuck you, Renee and Charlie. Oh And you too, Edward." I held up the can in a salute before chugging it down. Turning up the volume on my iPod, I let myself sink into an intoxicated, peaceful emptiness. _What a beautiful dream/that could flash on the screen/ ion a blink of an eye and be gone from me…_.

The tranquility of my alcohol induced sleep did not last long and my dreams that night were no more comforting than the day had been. In fact, they were even worse. Faceless creatures crept around me as I lay, frozen in my bed, their dark, ethereal forms transmogrifying from lizard-like to human. They slithered along the ceiling and walls as I helplessly looked on, getting closer and closer, hisses exploding menacingly from their snouts and I knew, somehow, that those angry, irate beasts were there to suck my breath out, to take away my life. I thrashed futilely, hoping to suck in one last breath to scream.

Then they were gone and I found myself standing alone on the side of the road. Edward's Volvo was idling nearby and I hurried over to it, still shaking from the previous dream. My mother's face greeted me from the passenger seat, mutated by the fog and moisture of the window and she waved, grinning happily, as they tore off down the road, leaving me standing there as a great rainfall began. Suddenly, the earth opened up beneath my feet and I tumbled into the blackness, my hands flying out, scrabbling to stop myself from falling but catching only nothingness.

I awoke with a startled yelp nestled between my lips, my hair tangling across my face, covering my eyes. Trembling, I swatted a lock of hair away and stood up, slowly. A faint light was moving slowly over the horizon, its potential beauty deadened by a persistent fog hanging in the early morning air. A chill wavered by the window as I peered out of it, swallowing thickly, my mind benumbed.

I don't know how long I stood like that, shivering in an old t-shirt and sweats, when I realized Charlie was moving around outside my bedroom. It was Friday, my last day of suspension and Charlie was getting ready for work. I didn't hear him come in last night and I wondered how much sleep he'd gotten, feeling a little guilty, as if I might have been the reason for his absence the night before.

His police issue shoes squeaked on the pocked hardwood floor near my door and I braced myself for a knock at my door. Instead, Charlie's footsteps faded down the stairs, where he shuffled around for a bit before finally leaving. I stayed by the icy window until I heard the roar of his cruiser fading away into the distance.

Yawning, I headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, hoping it would negate the fuzzy headache that was pulsing at my temples. Hot brew in hand, I slumped onto a kitchen chair and sipped it, wondering vaguely how I would ever atone for the harsh words I'd said to Charlie.

In the bleakness of early morning our fight seemed like a looming obstacle that I would not be able to overcome and part of me wanted to just say fuck it and act like it never happened. But even if he would let me off the hook that easily, which I doubted, I couldn't do that to Charlie.

Everything he'd said was right. I had thrown all his kindness back at him; getting in trouble at school, sneaking out and, most importantly, pitching a fit that would put any two year old to shame. I was a selfish brat and I wanted to make it up to him but I wasn't sure how. My mind reeled at the mess I had made.

By the time I finished my cup of coffee, I knew what I would do. I would clean the house and prepare a nice dinner for Charlie, my silent way of apologizing. I only hoped he would accept it.

Once the decision was made, I threw myself into my tasks with a diligent gusto. I wasn't sure the last time Charlie had given the house a thorough cleaning, but it had certainly been awhile. A light sheen of dust clung softly to the flat screen and covered his various knick knacks, most of which were hokey and country-ish. I kept my eyes averted when I got to the shelf where he kept his pictures, in case there was one of my mother nestled somewhere between the numerous photos of Charlie holding up fish, his face triumphant.

Despite my best efforts, my gaze was drawn to a particular photograph. It was of Charlie and his friend from the Quileute reservation, Billy Black. Billy's son was with them as well, his darkly tanned face sliced by a wide, friendly grin. It wasn't Jacob that caught my attention, though.

It was Charlie's eyes. Billy's black eyes glittered and danced in the photo and Jacob's seemed full of light. Charlie's smile cracked through the black of his mustache but it didn't reach his eyes, which were tinged with a murky depth of sadness that was always present, though I only just realized it now.

Poor Charlie. I wondered if he still pined for my mother, spending all these years living alone in his little house, going through the motions of life. Was he content with his lonesome existence?

I shook my head and dismissed the thought as I ran the duster brusquely across the photo's surface, and wished I could wipe more than just the dust from Charlie's face.

The house reeked of lemon and Pine Sol by the time I had finished my tasks. Quickly, I showered, suddenly feeling the urge to flee the house that no longer seemed familiar without its usual scent lingering in the air.

Clouds pregnant with the possibility of the rain hung over head as I climbed into my truck; the air inside was cold and clammy, my fingers sticky as they damply curved around the steering wheel. I glanced at the clock and realized it was only one o'clock, which would explain why the road was nearly vacant of other cars as I guided the truck onto the highway and headed for the meadow.

It seemed silly to want to go there, now that Edward and I were in limbo. Or maybe even over.

Over before we'd ever even really started. Great.

I flipped on my iPod before errant thoughts of Edward could fill my mind and focused on driving instead. _You were right about the end/ it didn't make a difference/ everything I can remember/ I remember wrong…_

I found the trailhead easily enough and I grabbed the knapsack I had packed before I left the house from the passenger seat and slammed the door.

The silence was the first thing I became aware of as I headed deeper into the dense lush forest. Moss crawled along the trunks of Red Cedars and covered Hemlocks and Spruces, nearly obscuring the bark with a lush bright green-ish yellow, sometimes fading into an almost sickly red-orange. A moist fog hung in the air as I picked my way along the path, between the tall, stern trees as Deer and Maidenhair ferns reached out their soft, featherlike tendrils and brushed against my jeans, leaving thin wispy trails of moisture in their wake.

I continued to hike for about ten minutes; the forest had thinned out a little, abandoning the viridian and moss as the foliage thinned out, revealing dirt and craggy rocks, a signal that I was heading above tree-line, where the air was thinner and only the most robust of plant life would survive. I paused briefly to pull a water bottle from my sack, drinking swiftly, before I began my ascent.

It had been dark when Edward took me to the meadow and I wasn't sure how high we had climbed but the hike seemed much further without him. I was just starting to think I missed it when suddenly the path opened beyond some wiry bushes and I stumbled through.

If it had been breathtaking under to the cover of inky darkness and silver moonlight, the meadow was beyond that now. The trees below, with their glorious emerald boughs swaying gently, rose up from an endless depth and spread out below me as far as I could see, swathing the mountains that jutted out of the earth around me. I looked beyond them to a tall peak, it's tip absent of color, sharply grey and rocky.

My eyes shifted downward again to the small lake below, a beautiful shimmering blue-gray, icy and undulating. Wind rippled its surface as I blindly pulled at my pack, too taken by the visions before me to avert my eyes to the task at hand.

I pulled an old army blanket I found in the linen closet from the pack. It was scratchy and stiff; I spread the blanket on the relatively flat surface and tried not to think that this is where Edward had taken off my sweater that night. I sat down, pulling my legs Indian style and stared in awe all around me for a minute before I put my headphones on.

It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen and it washed over me. I had never felt so calm or relaxed.

Or so insignificant and lonely.

All the thoughts I'd been trying to keep at bay crashed through suddenly and violently, drowning out the music in my headphones and I shrank against their assault. My chest cracked, broke open and I bit my lip hard to keep the sobs from erupting. Instead, tears pooled in my eyes and overflowed, trembling down my cheeks and disappearing onto the blanket below me. I sat stiff and unmoving as I tried to let go of everything and everyone. I remained motionless up on that mountain long after my tears had stopped and the emptiness crept in and I knew what I had to do. _They say love ain't nothing but a sore/ I don't even know what love is/ too many tears have had to fall/ don't you know I'm so tired of it all…_

I wanted to be alone. Being alone meant no one could hurt you, betray you or lie to you. It meant that my heart could stay intact, inside of me, and as long as I didn't share it with anyone, then it could no longer get broken. That had been my plan all along.

Until Edward came along and ruined it.

With a sigh, I stared down at the forest beneath me. Then I gathered up the blanket and stuffed it back in my pack. The hike back to my truck was easy and fast, once my decision was made. I felt light in my new emptiness. It seemed so easy to be numb. I had forgotten what it was like.

I was home long before Charlie got off of work and if he noticed anything different about me he said nothing. The steak I had prepared for him was ready the moment he walked through the door and he eyed me cautiously, still obviously unwilling to forgive me. I didn't even bother to sit with him but pretended to still be cooking my own dinner. I'm sure he knew it was a ploy but he didn't stop me. He didn't want to sit with me, either. I didn't blame him.

Charlie was snoring on the couch as I cleaned up the dishes from dinner. He was cordial but cold to me and I expected it, but it still left me a little breathless. I would make amends with Charlie, somehow.

I quietly shut the door to my room and sat down on the rickety chair, staring blankly at my computer. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a red light blinking on my cell phone and my heart froze. Slowly, I picked it up, my brain registering Edward's missed call.

_Let me know when it's all gone/ can I just put the headphones on/yeah/ you disappeared/you were never there/ just say so long/ and take care…_

I turned the phone off and went to take a shower. I didn't turn it on for the rest of the weekend.

The sun shone brightly Monday morning, mocking me in my bitterness as I drove glumly toward Forks High. People stared as I navigated the behemoth truck through the parking lot and it was clear that the fight and my suspension had obviously been a hot topic. I caught a glimpse of Lauren's silver blond hair in the sunlight and knew she was watching me as I hopped out of my truck and strode purposefully into the school. I had to pass her crew and I heard her whisper something as I walked by, followed by snickers. I sucked in my irritation and turned up my iPod, ignoring everyone around me.

It felt like my first day all over again. Possibly worse.

I hurried towards homeroom and dimly heard someone calling my name. I turned around to find Edward bearing down on me, his eyes narrowed and angry. I hurried away from him but he caught up to me easily.

"You turned your phone off," he accused me, reaching over to pull an earbud from my ear. I flinched back, out of his grasp and his hand froze in midair.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"I wanted to talk to you," Edward said softly. "I tried calling. I left messages."

"I know," I sighed. I had seen five voicemails this morning but felt too tired to listen to them. I wasn't sure if he called to apologize or yell at me and I couldn't muster the energy to brace myself for either possibility so I took the cowardly route and simply didn't listen to them. The constant blinking reminder on my cell phone was a technological Chinese water torture. "Look, I have to get to class."

"Bella." Edward planted himself in front of me. "We need to talk."

I didn't want to look at him, I knew if I saw his beautiful green eyes I would cave in so I kept my gaze trained on the scuffed linoleum under my sneakers. "There is nothing to say."

Edward growled. "Don't be like this – "

"Be like what?" I challenged. "I'm supposed to be okay with you kicking me out of your car? You were –"

Edward pushed me against my locker, surprising me and I looked up into his eyes, full of frustration.

"Will you fucking listen to me?" he hissed into my ear. I shivered despite myself and my resolved faltered. "I'm trying to apologize."

I took a deep breath and tried to shove him away from me but he only pinned me closer, putting his hands against the locker on either side of my head. I didn't want to look at him and my eyes scurried around, trying to focus on the scenery behind his head. I settled on a poster for cheerleader tryouts. "There is no need to apologize. I get it."

"What? Get what?"

"I have to go to class." I ignored his question and tried to slide out from under him. Suddenly, there was a thunderous crack next to my head, the sound of fist meeting metal and I turned, staring at the dent Edward had made in the locker next to me before I slowly looked back to him, the shock in my eyes echoing the expression in his.

He stepped aside and I fled, pushing past the throngs of curious onlookers as I ran to my first period class.

Edward didn't try to talk to me in Biology and I pretended not to notice his bandaged hand. I longed to ask him if he was okay but I kept my mouth firmly shut. I could feel his eyes on me; it made it nearly impossible to listen to Mr. Banner's lecture and I was relieved that he didn't call on me to answer any questions. The second the bell rang, and before my resolve had a chance to slip any further, I stuffed my earplugs back in and raced toward my truck.

Edward beat me to it. He was leaning against the rusted flank as I approached, warily. His arms were crossed resolutely across his chest and his head snapped up when he heard me getting near, green eyes dark and hard. As he met my gaze, something in my expression softened his and he almost looked sad.

"I want to talk, Bella," he said. I shrugged.

"Fine." I unlocked the truck door and stepped aside so Edward could climb into the cab.

"I don't know what happened on Thursday," he started, his voice rough and husky. "But I'm sorry. I was an asshole."

"Yeah," I agreed softly, studying the tassel on my sweatshirt intently. "You kinda were. But, I guess I was being a fucking jerk, too."

"Bella, I like you. I missed you this weekend. I don't want to fight." Edward leaned over and pulled my hand into his, forcing me to stop fidgeting with my clothing. I peeked up at him.

"I don't know what to say," I whispered. The knowledge frightened me just a little. Part of me wanted to scream at him, tell him to fuck off and go away. Another part of me wanted to crawl into his lap just so I could feel the delicious heat from his body and smell his sexy scent.

"You don't have to say anything," he offered. "Just kiss me."

I had spent almost seventy two hours convincing myself that I didn't need anyone, especially Edward, in my life.

Three fucking days and it was all about to come undone as his fingers stroked my chin, guiding my lips to his. In the mere seconds that passed before his lips reached mine, all of the resolve I'd vowed to maintain evaporated into thin air.

"It's too bad you just got back to school," Edward murmured as his lips ghosted across my cheek.

"Why is that?" I asked, a little confused.

"Because I would totally cut class and take you home with me." He nibbled my earlobe and I shivered. "But I'm pretty sure they'd kick you out of school if you got into any more trouble. And you'll be in enough trouble once I get you alone in my bedroom. I can't wait to play with you again."

His words ignited something deep in my belly and I growled softly, narrowing my eyes.

"Edward," I mumbled into his hair. "I'm going to kill you for this. I can't believe you suggested that. You are such a fucking tease."

Edward laughed and pulled me tightly into his arms. "I'll make it up to you. Promise."

* * *

Title - No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses

**Lyrics**  
No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses  
Relative Ways - And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead  
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel  
Daughter of the SoHo Riots - The National  
If Ever I feel Better - Phoenix  
Headphones - Illinois

And thank you VitaminR aka my West Coast Research Guru - Muhwa!!

Okay folks, there you have it! Please leave your comments/criticisms/hate mail, whatever.


	9. Run, Devil, Run

15 Step is going to be posted chapter by chapter. I don't intend on it being too long but... we'll see. This story is Bella's POV. Everyone is a human. I did attempt to keep a decent amount of the original stories in this tale.

**Disclaimers** - The characters, naturally, are Stephenie Meyer's and I've just warped 'em a little to suit our, er, "needs." The titles of the chapters and anything in italics do not belong to me, either. The titles are actually song titles and the italicized bits are pieces of lyrics that I've pulled from songs.

And, this goes without saying, these stories are intended for mature, adult readers. Well, adult, at least. **Eighteen and over only.**

And thank you everyone for being so patient (and for the encouraging emails and comments reminding me that not ALL of you are all that patient).

**Chapter Eight – Run, Devil, Run**

Something changed in Edward after our fight. It was so imperceptible I didn't even notice it at first. Occasionally I would catch him watching me with a curious expression, one that shifted between almost confused and something much darker, but it disappeared the moment he knew I was looking at him. The argument seemed to have awakened something--sparked a new emotion inside of him-- but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't even sure if it was a result of our fight or just the natural progression of our relationship. I just knew something was different.

And that's what it was now: a relationship. In the weeks following our argument, we moved from 'casually dating' to 'boyfriend and girlfriend' seamlessly and unconsciously. Neither of us ever said anything about it and I didn't want to admit that I wasn't entirely comfortable with the change in status. I felt a little out of control, like I might lose myself in the situation.

I liked Edward. A lot. Even if I wanted to bail, to protect myself, I wasn't so sure I would be able to anymore. I kept trying to reign myself in, remind myself to be careful. To keep myself safe. There was just something about us that seemed to just make sense, albeit abstractly but I still wasn't sure being with him was a good idea. _Honey, I'm a prize and you're a catch/ and we're a perfect match/like two bitter strangers/ and now I see the long and short of it/ and I could make it last..._

But I couldn't stay away.

I just wasn't _girlfriend _material- it was a role I didn't know how to play and the concept trampled all my self-imposed rules into the ground, yet I couldn't stop myself. Edward was a strong force I felt drawn to, whether I wanted to or not. Despite my best efforts to keep my own struggle tucked neatly away, I sometimes wondered if he could my sense my uncertainty. There was a desperation to his kisses now, his caresses more demanding, almost possessive.

Every morning Edward would be waiting for me in the parking lot at school and we would walk to homeroom together. He seemed to have this _need _to touch me, whether it was pushing an errant lock of hair behind my ear or resting his hand against the small of my back as we walked. The public display of affection, no matter how subtle, was still vexing for me and I felt uneasy. But, when night fell and I was restless in my bed, I let my hands wander and remembered each and every one of Edward's caresses until I finally drifted, happy and sated, to sleep.

Edward's affections, unfortunately, also drew the attention of others to me. If Lauren and her clique hated me before, they definitely thirsted for my blood now. The first time we passed them in the hall Lauren's jaw dropped and Jessica's eyes narrowed to reptilian slits. I couldn't help but give them a small smug smile every once in awhile. I tried not to think about how ironic it was that I was more worried about someone liking me than hating me.

Lauren Mallory and her ilk weren't the only ones who disliked me. Edward insisted that I eat lunch with him and his friends, which included Rosalie. She vacillated between completely ignoring my presence to making snide comments, and it was all I could do to keep from lunging over the table and throttling her. Instead, I kept up my role of Edward's girlfriend and tried not to snarl at Rosalie often but sometimes it was just exhausting. It helped that everyone else seemed to be fine with me sitting with them and, while it was nice, I wished that I could have escaped to the familiar, comfortable confines of my truck instead.

"So, Bella, any exciting plans for the weekend?" Alice asked me one day as she nibbled delicately on a carrot stick. Her inky black hair was sticking out in every direction, shocking against her alabaster skin. Her boyfriend, Jasper, had his arm slung lazily over the back of her chair, sucking Dr. Pepper through a straw, looking content as always. His eyelids were at half mast, with only a little blue sparkling through. Emmett and Rosalie had been whispering to each other but stopped when Alice spoke.

"I'm going to Port Angeles," I replied, picking at my sandwich. "There's a band I want to see."

Edward stiffened next to me and frowned.

"I like live music!" Alice chirped. Her eyes were the color of topaz and glittered almost eerily under the harsh fluorescent lighting. "What are they called? Maybe we could all go."

I hid a tight smile, squashing down images of poor sweet Alice getting pummeled in a mosh pit. Alice was nice and I liked her but I couldn't help myself. "You wouldn't recognize the name. It's a hardcore band. You know, rough. Sort of like punk."  
"Sounds… mean." She studied another carrot stick before popping it in her mouth. "It doesn't sound like something I would like."

"It's not for everyone," I agreed, wryly.

"You didn't tell me you wanted to go to Port Angeles," Edward grumbled angrily in my ear.

I looked at him, surprised. "I didn't know I had to."

"Is that asshole going to be there?"

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. "Don't know and don't care."

"I'll go with you."

"You don't need to," I shot back. "I don't need you to babysit me and I know you don't like that kind of music."

"You do need babysitting," Edward retorted, running a hand through his chestnut hair, exasperated. I could see the sharp line of his jaw pulse as he spoke. "You have an uncanny ability to get into… trouble."

"And by "trouble" he means "fights"," Rosalie interrupted, a little gleefully. I ignored her.

"I'm going to the show," I told Edward firmly. "You can't tell me what I can and cannot do."

"I'm not trying to!" he protested, his brows coming together, irritated. "I'm just trying to keep you out of trouble."

I dropped the bread I had been playing with onto the tray and glared at him. "Edward, I am a big girl. What are you going to do if people start moshing around or something? Beat up everyone in a ten foot radius?"

Rosalie laughed. "He'd probably like that."

"Rose, shut up," Edward snapped. The azure of Rosalie's eyes frosted over and she huffed, shifting a perfect wave of corn silk hair behind her shoulder as she looked at Emmett, silently demanding he step in. Emmett frowned at his brother.

"Edward –" Emmett cut in warningly. "You promised not to be a dick to Rosie anymore."  
"Then tell her not to be such a bitch."

Another exasperated huff slipped from her lips and I quickly shoved some scattered notebooks into my bag before I slid my chair away from the table and stood up. Everyone looked at me, surprised. I wasn't in the mood for the Rosalie & Edward Show. Even Jasper's eyes widened a little. He shot me a small smile, like he didn't blame me for fleeing. _Why can't anything be easy?/ (why can't everything be easy?)/ You wanted out, 'fore you/ Get pulled, right the fuck back...  
_  
"I'll be in my truck," I said to Edward and gave Rosalie a pointed stare. "I'd like to relax for a few minutes before History and this… bickering isn't exactly making me feel all Zen and shit."

Edward called after me as I stormed away and I saw Lauren and Jessica exchange a triumphant glance a few tables over. Annoyance rippled through me and I gritted my teeth, throwing the heavy lunchroom doors open viciously, stuffing my earbuds into my ears as I headed to the parking lot. _Take all your reasons and take them away/ To the middle of nowhere, and on your way home/ Throw from your window your record collection/  
They all run together and never make sense._

Fifteen minutes and five songs later I was finally beginning to relax. The air inside the cab was chilly and I tugged my hood over my knotted hair, drawing it over my eyes, comforted by the darkness as I wriggled my back against the driver side door, stretching my legs across the bench seat. I didn't want to go back inside the school and debated just cutting for the rest of the day but knew I couldn't. Charlie would kill me.

Charlie still hadn't forgiven me for my outburst at the diner and I was worried that the icy silence between us would continue until I finally graduated and moved out. I hoped if I kept up my good behavior he would warm up to me again but, as one week slid into the next without me getting in trouble, I was starting to have my doubts.

A movement disrupted my thoughts and it took me a split second to understand that I was the thing that was moving. I realized I was falling backward before I heard the screech of the door hinges. Blinded by my hood, I threw my arms out, scrabbling to catch on to something before I tumbled out of the truck and onto my head. A startled shriek burst from my lips even as strong arms were wrapping around me, stopping my fall.

"The fuck?!" I yelled, yanking my hood off. Edward looked down at me, faintly amused.

"I should have known you'd have those stupid ear plugs in," he said, helping me right myself. "I assumed you heard me knocking on the window."

I glowered at him. "If I had heard you knocking I would have sat up."

Edward grinned. "I guess I didn't think that far ahead."

"Uh huh. You totally did that on purpose."

"Maybe," he agreed, his voice mischievous. "Anyway, I came to get you so you're not late to class."

"Thanks, I guess." I grabbed my knapsack and hopped out of the truck. A chilly light drizzle was falling, icy pricks against any exposed flesh. I shivered and pulled my hood up again.

Edward was silent until we entered the school, his fingers drumming against my wrist. I noticed that he never really held my hand. Instead, he just kept a steady touch, or curled his fingers lightly around my wrist. I was going to call him out on it when he stopped and turned to me, his expression serious.

"I want you to know that I'm not trying to tell you what to do and I'm sorry you feel that way. There is just something about that guy that makes me uncomfortable. I swear he's up to no good. It was like I could read his mind, that first day I ran into you in Port Angeles. It makes me nervous." Edward licked his lips and I momentarily lost my train of thought as it shifted to ideas of other things Edward could lick. I shook my head, dispelling the mental image.

I sighed and gave him a wan smile. "Edward, I appreciate the concern but I'm going to that show, whether you want me to or not. I wish you wouldn't worry so much."

"I'd like to come."

"You aren't going to have a good time."

"I might." He arched his eyebrows at me, a small smile on his lips. "You never know."

"Fine," I grumbled. Edward grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"Have fun in History," he called as he sauntered away. I laughed, surreptitiously glancing down at my hand, where I could still feel the warmth of his lips.

I carried that thought with me as I sat down, spreading my books on my desk and ignoring the daggers Lauren was glaring in my direction. I wasn't uncomfortable under her gaze and I didn't even care that she talked about me behind my back. If she said it to my face, however, that was a different story.

_And fear is not respect/ Correct/ But it's the best you're gonna get/ Sharp blow to the bridge of the nose/ Sharp blow and anything goes (Elbow – Little Beast)_.I knew what they all said about me. Most of the rumors were crazy or outlandish. I'd heard that I'd been in jail or a mental institution. It was whispered that I was sent to Charlie after viciously attacking my mom and putting her in the hospital. I was on drugs. Others were more simple, like I was just really mean. Which wasn't exactly rumor when you thought about it.

The rumors and whispers were actually helpful and I saw no need to dispel them. If there was one thing that I learned from being the perpetual New Girl it was that kids are not nice. At all. Being the new kid is like going to prison for the first time. The best way to survive is to go up to biggest and baddest guy on the cell block and punch him in the eye. At least, that's what I saw on TV.

High school is a lot like prison. The scarier you are, the more people will leave you alone. And I liked being left alone.

My thoughts faded in and out as the teacher droned on about the Revolutionary War and I absently doodled on my notebook. By the time the bell ran the margin of my paper was covered with intricate, even curlicues.

Edward was waiting for me after class, leaning against a row of lockers. A freshman hovered nearby, obviously trying to get into a locker that Edward was blocking but apparently too scared to ask. Edward eyed the younger boy up and bared his teeth in a predatory grin.

"Problem?" he asked, cocking his head lazily at the boy--he couldn't have been older than fourteen. His tone was calm but cold, dangerous. The kid shook his head and bolted.

"What was that about?" I asked as he put his arm across my shoulders.

Edward shrugged. "All he had to do was say 'excuse me,' but since he was a chicken shit he didn't. I couldn't help myself. I can't stand pussies."

I snorted. "I was just thinking about how mean people can be and that was fucking malicious," I told him. "I mean, shit, I know I'm a total jerk but I wouldn't go around harassing kids for no reason."

"Oh well." Edward seemed absolutely unperturbed by his behavior. Before I could say anything, he stopped and kissed my cheek. I looked through the double doors that led into gymnasium and groaned.

"Ugh, gym," I griped. "My favorite. At least it's floor hockey today."

"Well, don't get into any fights," Edward replied, that same crooked smile playing on his face.

I laughed. "Don't jinx me."

As much as I hated gym, I did like hockey. It had always been a favorite of mine. There was something very empowering about running around with a giant stick.

In Phoenix, floor hockey was separated by gender, and boys and girls did not play against each other. Forks just threw us all into together and, more often than not, the girls cowered against the wall as the boys beat the shit out of each other on the floor. As I headed out of the locker room, I noticed that both Jessica and Lauren were inching their way across the gym, looking for a safe refuge as the boys banged their sticks on the ground and called out taunts to each other. I grinned and took my place on the floor.

"Okay kids," Coach Clapp hollered over the din of chatter. "Play fair and NO excessive physical contact. Understood?"

Everyone grumbled their agreement and he blew the whistle. Immediately, the puck whizzed past my face and I spun and raced after it. I caught up quickly and swept my stick across the floor, sending the puck in the other direction. Tyler Crowley on the opposing team blocked it and spun the puck right back in my direction. I lunged, catching control of it once again and passed it to Mike Newton, my breath heaving.

"Nice, Swan!" Mike yelled at me as he agilely got control of the puck and ran down toward the opposing team's goal. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lauren and Jess whispering as I sprinted by them, my focus on the game.

Out of nowhere, I saw a hockey stick moving, tripping up my feet. My momentum was too much and I hit the floor like a ton of bricks, sliding across it painfully on my shoulder, my teeth clacking together from the impact. Over the din of female guffawing I heard the Coach blow the whistle.

"Swan!" he yelled, over to me from across the gym. "You okay?"

I gritted my teeth against the pain and got to my feet as I retrieved the stick from the ground. Jessica and Lauren were still giggling in their corner and I wanted to wipe Lauren's smirk right off her pretty little face. With my hockey stick.

"You wanna play games, Lauren?" I asked in a deadly voice. They stopped laughing, their faces going white as I approached, brandishing my hockey stick. "I've got a game for you."

"Bella, don't!" A familiar female voice said in my ear. I felt a cool hand grip my wrist and I tried to yank away, turning and finding myself face to face with Rosalie. She jerked on my wrist again and I hissed. Rosalie's eyes flashed.

"Why are you going to get yourself expelled over two cunts?" she asked loudly.

"Hey!" Jessica yelped, offended.

"You're fucking stupid to even be messing with her, Stanley. Don't think I'm doing this for you." Rosalie looked back to me and lowered her voice. "Seriously, Bella, is it worth it? What the fuck is the point? Who the fuck cares about those vacuous twits. Don't be stupid."

I stared at her for a moment as her words processed and I realized that she wasn't in gym clothes. That was all I needed to snap out of it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked her curiously, eyeing up her tight jeans and expensive looking sweater."And why are you to help me out?"

Rosalie shrugged. "Dropping some papers off for the Coach. I have office duty this period." She didn't respond to my second question and I could tell by her expression she wasn't planning to.

"Oh."

"You're welcome," she said pointedly, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. A few people were staring at us but Lauren had gotten brave again and was whining to the Coach about how I had tried to assault her. Thankfully, the Coach didn't see anything and brushed her off.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"You and Edward with your tempers," Rosalie sighed dramatically. "I can't wait to see how this relationship turns out. I sure hope you don't crash and burn. Or kill each other, for that matter." Then she turned and walked away, leaving me standing there alone, clutching a hockey stick and wearing a stupefied expression.

"Rosalie said you tried to decapitate Lauren in gym class."

I laughed and rolled over on my bed to look at Edward. He was sitting in my computer chair, his feet up on the rickety old desk, grinning at me.

"I wasn't going to decapitate her," I retorted, returning his smile and patting my bedspread, motioning for him to join me. "I was just going to knock a few teeth out."

"Rose is lucky you didn't knock her teeth out." Edward crawled into my bed and pulled me to him, shifting so he was lying down and I was on top of him. I propped my weight on my elbows and leaned in to nuzzle his nose.

"Mmm," I murmured. "That she is." Then I remembered what Rose had said. "She also said you and I had tempers and that she hoped we didn't crash and burn." I left out the part about us killing each other.

Edward froze beneath me. "She what?" he asked in a scathing voice.

"It's nothing. Just ignore her." I kissed his lips but he didn't respond. Frowning, I looked at him. "Now what's your problem?" I huffed. "Forget about Rosalie."

Edward hesitated and I took the opportunity to nibble at his neck, giving him small, slow kisses until I felt his body relax again.

"You're right," he whispered, reaching up and caressing my hair. "I have far more important things to think about. Like you."

I smiled and he pulled me down into a kiss.

"Ahem," a gruff voice coughed from the door way. I flipped off of Edward, nearly falling off the bed in the process as Edward hurriedly sat up. Charlie was standing by my partially open door, looking quietly mutinous.

"Bella, your mother is on the phone," he said, his disapproving gaze sliding from me to Edward and hardening. Edward had enough grace to look chagrined.

"I don't want to talk to her," I told him in a pleading voice. "Can you just tell her I'm not here? Or in the shower?"

Charlie sighed. "No. Go downstairs and talk to her. You can't keep avoiding her calls."

I tried to keep my features calm and neutral as I stood and stomped out of the room.

Charlie and Edward followed me to the kitchen and I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I said dully.

"Bella!" My mother's shrill voice pierced my ear and I brought the phone away from it, wincing. I knew both Edward and Charlie were eavesdropping and I didn't care.

"What?"

"How are you, darling? Did you get my present?" Renee was oblivious to the chill of my voice.

"Yes. Thanks."

"Oh, good! Oh, before I forget - Charlie says you have a boyfriend now! I'm so surprised!"

I eyed Charlie, one brow raised and he coughed and looked away. "Oh, he said that, did he? Well, I suppose I do."

Renee completely ignored my response and launched into something banal, blabbering on about how wonderful life was in Florida and I just stood there like a statue, focusing on breathing, trying not to listen to her words. Edward watched in silence, his eyes dark.

"That's great, Mom," I said through clenched teeth. "Um, listen I have to go so – "

"Okay, Bella," Renee interrupted, sounding distracted. "I bet you probably want to get your homework done so you can see that new boy. Just listen to me, honey, and be careful. Use protection! God knows you don't want to make the same mistake I did."

Charlie's eyes widened and a small groan escaped his lips.

A sharp, painful sensation encased my body and my fingers curled tightly around the receiver of the phone in a stranglehold.

"Mistake?" I laughed bitterly into the phone. "Did you actually just call me a mistake?"

"Er, honey, that's not-"

"Why are you calling me, Mom?" the word was drenched in acidic sarcasm. "To tell me how wonderful your life is? To remind me how much better off you are now that I'm not around? How fucking happy you are that I'm not your problem anymore?" My voice rose in volume and turned frosty. With a pained look in his eyes, Charlie tried to shush me but I turned away, my whole body trembling.

"Bella!" Renee admonished. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," I sneered. "It's none of your fucking business, you fucking bitch."

"That's enough." Charlie tried to grab the phone from me and I ducked out of his reach. My mother said something but I couldn't listen to her anymore. I wanted to reach through the phone and slap her.

"Don't call me again, Renee," I yelled into the phone. "Just do me one last fucking favor and never talk to me again." _No matter which way you go/ No matter which way you stay/ You're out of my mind, out of my mind/ Out of my mind, out of my mind/ I was walking with a ghost..._

Charlie finally wrestled the phone out of my hand and motioned for me to go sit in the living room. Edward reached out toward me but I shook him off and flounced over to the couch.

"Jesus Christ, Renee, what were you thinking?" I heard Charlie hiss into the phone. "I knew you were selfish but…" a pause, then Charlie's voice got louder. "She's a teenager, for Chrissakes! She needs a parent!... I did not poison her against you!" I strained to hear Renee's voice but couldn't.

Then Charlie's tone iced over completely. "That is her choice, Renee. You've left me in charge of her. When you called you told me you needed me to take in Bella because you were in between jobs and didn't have enough money. You lied to me, Renee but what you've done to your daughter is even worse." The phone gave one last feeble chirp before Charlie slammed it down.

"You." He pointed at Edward then jerked his thumb toward the door. "Go home."

Then he looked at me. "Don't move. We need to talk."

"Why am I in trouble for this?" I snarled. "She's a bitch and I told you I didn't want to talk to her."

I crossed my arms over my chest, biting my lower lip to keep from screaming at Charlie. My body was still shaking but I felt scarily calm. Numb. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, however, Renee's words came back to me. Her cheery voice as she described how happy she and Phil were in hot, sunny Florida. I looked out the bay window of the living room, into the dark gloom and green wetness of Forks and another surge of hatred coursed through me. Charlie was watching me cautiously and I shot him a black look. I opened my mouth to say something but he made a rude noise at me.

"Bella, be quiet for one goddamned second. Please." Charlie rubbed his face tiredly. "You're not in trouble."

"Bella, I'll call you in a little bit, okay?" Edward stood awkwardly and leaned over to kiss my cheek, ignoring the low growl that came from Charlie. I didn't pull away but I wanted to, which made me feel even worse. My skin prickled uncomfortably and I shivered a little, wrapping my arms around myself. Nothing felt right. _There's a war inside of me/ Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song/ Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground/ I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me/ Well I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound..._

"'Kay," I replied, still glowering at Charlie as he ushered Edward out the door. He stood there for a few moments even after the door had shut behind Edward. With a heavy sigh, Charlie finally came back and slumped into his favorite armchair.

"Bella," he began and I opened my mouth to interrupt. He held up his finger. "Listen to me for just one second.

"If you don't want to talk to your Mother ever again that is your prerogative. I won't interfere. If she calls I'll tell her your unavailable. However, I will also let you know each time she tries to contact you and leave the choice up to you."

"I'm never talking to her again," I spat.

Charlie looked at me, sadly. "When you were a baby you were so… stubborn. Just like you are now. But you were a lot happier back then, I guess. I wish I had done things differently for you, Bella. Maybe if I had stepped in, maybe if I had tried to convince Renee to leave you with me everything would have turned out differently. Better."

"Convince?"

"When your mother left me, I offered to take you. I could tell Renee was restless, I saw how quickly she lost interest in… everything. First it was art class, then yoga, then guitar lessons. Then me." Charlie's eyes clouded over and he was silent for a second, lost in his own memories. "Renee called me about a year and a half after she left. You were probably about six and she asked me to take you in, just for a little bit. I said no.

"I learned later that she had left you with some neighbors for six months."

"The McKays," I whispered. "They had a son my age."

Charlie sighed again. "Listen, kid. I don't regret much in my life, but there isn't a day that goes by that I wish I had agreed. I know I'm not your Dad, but that doesn't mean I don't love you like you're my own."

I couldn't breathe. I just stared at Charlie in shock. Finally, my brain shifted gears and I choked out a weak, "Thanks, Charlie. That means a lot to me."

A dreadful awkward silence ensued. I shuffled my feet for a moment before hopping up from the couch. Charlie was still leaning against the door frame, watching me with a sad but wary expression. I approached him, intent on sliding past him when I changed my mind. Impulsively, I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him.

Charlie returned the hug and sighed. "You're a good kid, Bells, even if you are a damn trouble maker. I just wish I knew how to take some of your anger away."

"It's okay," I mumbled into his flannel shirt. "I'll figure it out somehow."

Before Charlie could say another word, I released him and raced up to my bedroom. Along the way, I tried to remember the last time Renee told me she loved me.

I couldn't.

**_______________________________________________**

Author's Notes:

Dear Snarkier Than You - thanks as always for reading this shit. And making me write it. Love you!

Hey kids! Sorry, no lemons. I blow, I know.

Don't worry, Edward and Bella are going to have a little more, ahem, "alone time" in the next chapter. And quite possibly some explosions... in more ways than one. ;)

Please feel free to leave comments!

*******************************

**Title** - Run, Devil, Run - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins

**Lyrics**  
Spit on a Stranger - Pavement  
Easy Eats or Dirty Doctor Galapagos - Man Man  
Looking for Astronauts - The National  
Walking with a Ghost - Tegan & Sara  
You wouldn't like me - Tegan & Sara


	10. Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues

These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrowed them to play with for awhile. This story is from Bella's POV. As always, 18+ please. Story contains sex, drugs and rock & Roll

Please note that the chapter is a song title and anything in italics are lyrics from songs. The will be listed after the chapter.

**Chapter 9 – Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues **

"What time does the band start tomorrow?" Edward's voice faded through the phone for a moment before it came back, loud and strong.

"You don't have to go, you know," I replied as I rolled over on my bed and reached over for my laptop.

"That wasn't an answer to my question."

I sighed and pulled up the link to the band website. I still wasn't sure I even wanted Edward there. I was used to going to shows alone and didn't feel like sharing the experience with anyone. "Doors open at seven. They're headlining and there are three bands so… ten, I guess?"

"So I'll pick you up at five and we can get dinner beforehand."

It wasn't a question. "Okay, that's fine."

"You okay?" Edward's tone was concerned and I sighed softly again, being careful not to let him hear. He'd been asking me if I was okay for three whole days and it was starting to get irritating. I knew he wanted to know what Charlie and I talked about the day Renee had called, but I couldn't tell him. It was too personal, too private.

"I'm fine," I replied, rolling my eyes and trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice. "Honest."

"I wish I could see you tonight," Edward replied. "But I promised Emmett and Jasper I would hang out."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I told him. Then I grinned as I realized something. "Hey, Edward," I said in a singsong voice.

"What?"

"Maybe you should come over a little earlier tomorrow."

"Oh?" Edward's voice became lilting also. "Now, why is that Bella?"

"Well," I began, biting my lip, my insides quivering even as I spoke. "Charlie's working a shift at the station tomorrow and I'll be alone all day. I thought maybe you could keep me company. _Cold light/hot night/be my heater/be my lover/so we can do it to each other… _

I could have sworn Edward gave a small growl as he answered, "I'll be there at noon."

"Promise?"

"Oh, I promise," he replied. I laughed as we said good night and signed off. Carelessly, I tossed the phone onto my bed and reached over for my iPod when there was a knock at my door. My heart dropped to my knees.

"Hello?" I called out, panicked. What if Charlie had been at my door, listening?

"It's Friday night, Bells," he said through the door. "Aren't you going out?"

"Nah," I replied, pushing myself up from my bed and opening the door. Charlie was standing there, his arms at his sides, looking awkward as always. It was almost endearing. "I'm going to Port Angeles tomorrow so I figured I'd stay in tonight."

Charlie frowned and the gesture reminded me of Edward a little. "Port Angeles? What for?"

"I'm going to see a band." I twisted the wire of my headphones absently around my finger and wondered why Charlie was suddenly so interested in what I was up to. Part of me was touched but another part of me was concerned he would forbid me to go and then we'd have to fight all over again because there was nothing that was going to keep me from seeing that band.

"Oh." Charlie looked a little lost as our conversation trailed off. He eyed my iPod. "You have their music in there?"

I nodded, furrowing my brow. "Uh huh."

"I'd like to listen to them."

Laughter bubbled from my lips before I could choke it back. "I'm pretty sure they aren't your style, Charlie."

Charlie looked a little rueful. "Yeah, probably not, I guess. What are they? Rap? Britney Spears?"

I snorted derisively. "Nope. Not even close. They're-- hey Charlie," I interrupted myself. "What kind of music _do_ you listen to?" I suddenly realized that I had never heard Charlie listen to anything other than the television. I tried to remember if there was even a stereo in the living room.

"Nothing, really. I guess I just never got into the habit." He looked thoughtful and it gave me an idea. I turned quickly and snatched my laptop off my desk as Charlie watched me, his expression confused.

"C'mon," I told him firmly, "You're about to get schooled in music. I think I'll start you out with some of the older stuff. That might be more up your alley. You know, like Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson. I think you'll like that. Oh, and definitely Tom Waits. Maybe Leonard Cohen, too." I was talking rapidly as I skirted around Charlie and headed down the stairs. His heavy footsteps followed me as I continued. "Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? He doesn't really sing – it's more like poetry put to music - but his lyrics are amazing. Totally haunting. And…" I paused when I caught Charlie staring at me with a peculiar expression. "What?"

"I have never heard you talk so much before," he told me softly.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't be," Charlie said quickly. "Let me just grab a beer and we'll sit down."

"Can you get me one, too?" I yelled half-jokingly as he disappeared around the corner.

"Over my dead body, kid," he hollered back.

"Can't blame me for trying!"

"Don't forget I have a breathalyzer in the cruiser!"

Well, fuck. That never actually even crossed my mind. Regardless, that wasn't exactly relevant to my plan to filch a few brews once Charlie went to bed.

We sat around for a while and I played him various songs from my iPod. He frowned at a lot of them, grimacing when a singer would spew a string of expletives, and it soon became clear to me that Charlie's love was sports or fishing and not heavy metal or punk. To my surprise and delight, Charlie actually loved Tom Waits and I promised to make a CD for him to bring to work before moving on to another band.

"How can you even understand a word they are saying?" he asked over the guttural screaming of a hardcore band. "It sounds like he's in pain."

"Well," I admitted, "I actually had to look up the lyrics to this one. But I like the fast guitar riffs and the double bass drum. It's pretty cool that a bunch of people can come up with this shit, ya know? And make it sound good? I mean, the lyrics are really angry and dark and violent. It's like I can _feel_ his rage when I listen to it. And when you listen to them live it's even more insane. It's like the bass drum is trying to compete with your own heartbeat or something. It's inside of you. That's why I like to listen to it when I'm all pissed off." I shrugged and spun the dial on my iPod. "It's like they understand how I feel, I guess."

"I can see that," Charlie murmured, his mustache turning up into a small smile. He glanced up at the clock. "Damn, kid, I got to hit the sack. It's past my bedtime."

"All right, Charlie." I grinned at him. "Have a good night."

"You too, Bells." Charlie grinned back, his dark eyes twinkling. "Hey, I had a good time tonight. Maybe we can do this again?"

"Sure thing, Charlie," I told him. "Do you like death metal?"

Charlie rolled his eyes and stood. "Be good, kid."

"Will do," I chirped. Charlie sighed and headed upstairs. I listened from the couch as he performed his nightly ablutions and, when the noise finally died down I tiptoed my way into the kitchen and snatched a couple of Rainiers.

I snuck upstairs as quietly as could, holding my laptop to shield the cans from Charlie just in case he decided to poke his head out of his bedroom door. Once safely nestled in my bedroom I popped the top and sank into my computer chair. My cell phone gave a muffled beep from my bed.

I couldn't help but grin as I saw the alert for a new text message. It could only be one person.

**What are you doing?**

I sighed and wrote back, **you're a nosy motherfucker**_._

The cell snapped closed and I opened my laptop. The homepage was still loading up when my cell phone beeped again.

**You're up to no good, aren't you?**

Laughing, I punched in another message. **Of course. I have a reputation to keep.**

I took another swig of beer and nearly choked on it as an idea came to me. Grabbing the phone, I turned on the camera, held the can up to my face and snapped a picture. Then I forwarded it to Edward. _Now a lady can't do nothin'/ without folks' tongues waggin'/ Is this blood on the tree/ or is it Autumn's red blaze/ When the ground's soft for diggin'/ and the rain will bring all this gloom/ There's nothing wrong with a lady/ drinkin' alone in her room…_

Another beep and I giggled, reading the message.

**Underage drinking is illegal. I'll have to punish you for that tomorrow.**

My fingers flew across the keypad. **I'd like to see you try.**

**Are you challenging me?**

**Perhaps. **

**Silly Bella. You really shouldn't have done that. Good night.**

An excited shiver tickled down my spine at Edward's threat. There was something thrilling about knowing Edward had a dark streak in him.

I woke early on Saturday, excitement bubbling through me, and I couldn't decide what I was looking forward to more, the band or spending a few hours alone with Edward. It was a tough call. Singing softly to myself, I made a cup of coffee and headed to my bedroom. I tidied it up, making sure there wasn't any dirty underwear lying around where Edward might find them before I made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up for Edward's arrival.

By the time I was done taking care of everything, I had about an hour to kill. I plugged my iPod into my laptop and adjusted the speakers, making them as loud as possible without distorting the sound and set it on the kitchen table. I sang along loudly as I cleaned up the kitchen, dancing to the country twang that blared from the tiny speakers.

_Huff paint, cocaine, playin' chicken with a train  
Smack dab, Meth lab, mellow out, rehab  
Percocet, cigarette, I don't need no more of that  
just gimmie some down home Dixie fried homegrown  
Alabama high test... _

_  
_I put away a couple of mugs and slammed the cabinet shut, rocking my hips, my voice competing with the singer, sounding loud over the whine of the fiddle.

_Drug bust, disgust, plead with the circuit judge  
"Son don't be coy, send you up the river Boy"  
Jump suit, chain gang, shackles on my feet and hands  
Standin' on I-65 wishin' I was rolling by with  
Alabama high test…_

I spun around so quickly my hair whipped against my face and grabbed the broom that was resting against the wall, sweeping in time to the bass drum, as I imagined a man stuck on a chain gang, looking wistfully at the cars that were speeding by.

A dark shadow crossed the threshold of the kitchen and I froze, gripping the broom tightly for a moment before I leaned over and turned off the music.

"Hello?" I called. I heard nothing but my own increasingly panicky breaths.

"Charlie?"

Silence.

I lifted the broom slightly and held it out in front me, hoping to use it as a weapon if I needed to. I was afraid to turn my back on the hallway to grab a knife.

"Listen, fucker," I said loudly, my voice shaky, "I'm standing in a kitchen with a shitload of knives. If there is anyone out there, they're going to get a big ass butcher knife right in the heart."

Silence.

Carefully, as quietly as I could, I crept forward. The hallway was empty and the front door was shut. My breathing returned to normal and I scolded myself for being such a scaredy-cat. Forks was making me soft.

Then I saw another blur out of the corner of my eye. Before I could even react, strong, muscular arms wrapped around me, trapping me in an iron grip and the broom clattered to the ground, useless, as I let out an ear-shattering scream. My hair was everywhere, in my face, blinding me and I was just gearing up to deliver a sharp kick to my assailant's shin when I heard a very familiar chuckle.

"Fuck you, Edward!" I bellowed, struggling against him. He released me, laughing even harder, and I whipped around, shoving him with all my might. He stumbled back a step and doubled over, still laughing.

"Your face," he gasped, "was fucking priceless! I thought you were going to piss yourself."

"You almost gave me a heart attack!" I yelled back, shoving him again. He grabbed my outstretched hands and pulled me tightly to him, ignoring my protests.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself." Edward kissed the top of my head and I harrumphed, still angry at him for frightening me.

"I've got a shitload of knives," he teased me, his voice falsetto and mocking. "Oh Bella! Always acting like the tough guy."

"Fuck you," I muttered. "You're lucky I didn't kick you in the nuts or something."

"I thought about that," he admitted, releasing me, still grinning. "But that's what you get for leaving a spare key in the most obvious place ever." Edward reached into his pocket and handed me the silver key. "I mean, practically everyone hides their key on the top of the door frame. You'd think Chief Swan would be a little smarter than that."

I shoved the key in my pocket and glared at him. "This is Forks. It's not like its New York City."

I felt Edward's eyes on me as I bent to retrieve the broom and stomped into the kitchen.

"By the way," he remarked casually, pulling out a chair and folding himself into it. "I liked watching you dance. Your singing, on the other hand, could use a little work."

I flushed, the heat creeping into my cheeks as Edward drummed his long, lean fingers on the pocked surface of Charlie's kitchen table.

"How long were you watching me?" I asked tersely. I wasn't sure if I was pleased he liked my dancing or annoyed that he had violated my privacy.

"Long enough." Edward's eyes followed my movements intently. "Didn't know people danced like that to… country music. It was quite sexy."

"You think a song about cocaine and meth was sexy?" I raised a brow at him.

"No, I thought you dancing to a song about cocaine and meth was sexy."

Awkwardly, I huffed, a little uncomfortable with the complement and moved forward to turn on some music when suddenly Edward shoved his chair out, a sinister looking smile on his face.

"Come here," he demanded, patting his lap.

I shook my head, pouting, pretending to still be mad at him. "No."

He lunged for me and I was too taken aback to move out of the way. Everything happened so quickly and the next thing I knew I was roughly upended over Edward's lap with my ass sticking up awkwardly over his knees.

This was a very, very dangerous position, I realized.

"Hey!" My protest was accompanied by an uncharacteristic nervous giggle. "Let me up right now!"

"Now," Edward smacked his lips appreciatively, "this is most definitely very, very sexy."

"Hardy har," I groused, struggling a little bit, my face burning from embarrassment. Edward placed his hands lightly on my ass.

"Bella Swan, you have a very nice ass," he said conversationally. "Do you know that?"

"Um, no," I answered. I rested my palms on the kitchen floor and tried to get up but Edward pushed me back down.

"Do you recall our little texting session last night?"

"No." Oh shit, yes, I did. Edward Cullen never backs down from a challenge. And I challenged him. I gave another nervous giggle. "Edward, let me up. I mean it."

"No can do." He gave my ass a gentle pat. "What did I tell you last night?"

"Don't remember," I replied grimly, resorting to total denial as my face burned with embarrassment and anticipation. His hand left my rear for a brief moment and he shifted, bringing his leg over both of mine, effectively trapping me. I struggled harder.

"Yes you do. Say it." Edward was enjoying himself immensely.

"No!"

I heard the slap a split second before I felt it and I yelped. The predicament was strangely confusing to me. I was generally quick to take the offensive in situations where there was the possibility of someone hitting me, yet I was lying in a very vulnerable position and Edward had just hit me. I should have killed him. Or at least wanted to… but I didn't. I didn't understand it.

"Edward!" I half-shrieked, half-laughed. "Stop!"

"What did I say to you last night?" He brought his hand down on my ass again. Hard.

I bit my lip and said nothing. My body involuntarily stiffened as Edward brought his palm down against my rear end, which was starting to feel a little… warm.

I growled. "Fine! You said underage drinking was illegal and…" I trailed off, too mortified to continue. It didn't help that I was also getting incredibly aroused and the contradiction in my emotions was confusing me.

I didn't have a chance to work through it before he smacked me again and I gave another little mew of discomfort despite my effort to remain silent.

"Say it. Out loud!" he commanded sternly. "I won't stop spanking you until you do."

I squealed as Edward spanked me again, twice in quick succession.

"You said you were going to punish me for it!" I cried out, bucking.

"That's right," Edward crowed triumphantly. "And now you're going to be punished. I hope a nice good spanking will teach you a lesson."

He began to spank in me earnest, ignoring my yelps and cries. My ass was starting to feel like it was on fire and I thrashed harder against him.

"Edward," I whined. "You're hurting me. Stop!"

"It's supposed to hurt." He delivered a particularly painful slap to my right cheek. "That's why it's a punishment. Have you learned your lesson, Bella Swan?"

"Yes!" I stopped struggling against him, wincing as he gave me a few more swats. I wondered vaguely if my ass was as red as my face and decided it was probably redder.

I also wondered how on earth I was going to get back at him without ending up in this situation again.

"There." Edward moved his leg, releasing me and helped me sit up in his lap.

"Ow." I squirmed on my sore ass, pushing my disheveled hair out of my face and narrowed my eyes at Edward.

He was watching me, intensely, his eyes dark and hungry, his lips curving into a dangerous smile.

"Did you like that?" he asked me softly. I ducked my head, embarrassed, and nodded minutely.

"I did too." His lips suddenly crashed against my and he stood, scooping me into his arms. My back hit the kitchen wall and I wrapped my legs around Edward's waist, greedily kissing him as he grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling slightly.

"Let's take this upstairs, shall we?" he whispered as he nipped at my neck. I moaned my agreement and he quickly headed for the stairs, kissing my neck as we stumbled down the hall.

Edward didn't even bother to shut the door when we reached my room. Instead he dropped me on my bed, staring at me with a terrifying expression.

"Take off your pants," he demanded imperiously, pulling his shirt off. I was momentarily stunned at the sight of Edward bare-chested. Despite our many petting sessions, I had never seen him with his shirt off. He was magnificent, lean and muscular. Hastily, I stripped out of my jeans. Dimly, I wondered why I was being so obedient and couldn't decide if it was because of the spanking, Edward half-naked or the fact that there was a very good chance we were going to have sex. Or all of them combined.

"And your shirt." Edward crouched at the end the bed, looking like he was preparing to pounce and I obeyed, quickly.

Dark emerald eyes traveled up and down my figure as I leaned back, half-sitting, and rested on my forearms. "Fucking gorgeous," he breathed. "Oh, Bella. You are in so much fucking trouble."

Before I could open my mouth he was pushing me down on the bed, covering the length of my body with his. His belt buckle dug into my stomach and I let out a whimper.

"Take off your pants," I whispered.

Edward grinned wickedly. "Are you sure?"

I knew what his question really meant and I met his gaze and nodded. "Very sure."

Quickly he pulled off his jeans and I tried not to laugh when they became entangled around his ankles. With a frustrated grunt, he finally freed himself and turned back to me.

His hands slid up my hips to my waist as he lightly nibbled at my flesh. My breath hitched when his lips found my breast, his breath warming me through the flimsy cloth of my bra. I weaved my fingers through his unruly hair, arching my back, forcing my nipple to greet his lips. I watched as his lean fingers tugged the bra away and his tongue made slow, lazy circles that sent a fire straight from my nipple to my cunt.

I moaned loudly and felt a pinch as Edward bit down delicately. The fire between my legs increased in intensity and a very unladylike grunt burst from my lips.

"You like that." Edward murmured, peering up at me through his eyelashes. He brought his teeth to my flesh again and I gasped, bucking.

"Yes!" I hissed through my teeth. Edward grinned and continued his slow assault on my breasts until I could barely lay still. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, the throbbing was becoming unbearable. I pushed at his hands and shifted positions. His brow furrowed as I looked at him, grinning.

"My turn," I told him slyly, pushing him onto his back. I straddled his waist, leaning back a little as I drank in his body. Thick but lean, muscles rippling beneath the skin of his belly as I purposefully brought my panty-clad pussy against his erection. I liked the way I could see his Adam's apple bob in the hollow of his neck in response; it let me know he wasn't as calm as he was trying to be.

"Let me play," I murmured huskily. "Just relax."

He complied, relaxing as he allowed me to explore his body. I took my time kissing him, first on the mouth, then his neck. Edward sucked in a breath and groaned loudly as I nibbled at his earlobes and I made mental note. Slowly, I made my way down to his chest, breathing in his delicious scent, enjoying the slightly salty taste of his skin, the way his chest hair tickled my cheek as I licked at his nipple. Edward sighed, contentedly, his eyes watching my every move. They widened as I dipped my head even lower, past his navel. I could feel his erection against my breasts and I paused for a moment, leaning even lower and capturing his cock between my breasts. I felt his erection grow and it pushed insistently against me. I narrowed my eyes as I brushed my fingers over the top of his boxers, still kissing his taut belly and hid my grin as I dipped my fingers past his waistband and heard his breathing pick up pace.

Then, abruptly, I stopped. Edward's expression fell into confusion and, I noted with a small amount of alarm, outrage.

"That's what you get for spanking me," I told him, pursing my lips.

His face darkened and he let out a guttural roar as he sat up to grab me and we tumbled back down, Edward on top of me. He gathered my wrists in one hand and pinned them over my head.

"You fucking tease," he snarled. I shivered under his mock angry gaze and grinned, moving my head so I could kiss him.

"Just kidding," I whispered.

Edward's eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. "I should fuck you hard for that," he told me.

I nearly exploded at his words.

"You'll have a hard time doing that if you're holding my hands."

Edward released me and I felt him yank at my panties. I lifted my hips off the bed so he could take them off. He leaned over and pulled a condom out of the pocket of his crumpled jeans.

He was just about to tear through the foil when he stopped and looked at me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "You promise to play nice?" I asked coyly.

Edward deftly rolled on the condom and pushed himself between my legs. He stroked my cheek and kissed me softly.

"After that stunt you just pulled?" he said sweetly. I felt his cock nudge against my entrance, insistently. "Absolutely not."

He thrust so quickly that I nearly shrieked as he filled me. My hips bucked against him as pleasure rolled over me in waves. He didn't pull out right away, instead moving slightly, pushing himself even deeper inside me.

"Okay?" he asked softly, pulling out slowly, eyes heavy with want. I nodded and he pushed back into me, firm yet gentle.

"Fuck, Bella, you feel fucking fantastic. So tight." Edward's fingers wove through my hair and he bent his head to kiss me deeply as he moved inside of me.

I arched my back as Edward picked up the pace, his breathing harsh in my ear and he grunted loudly as I lifted my legs and pulled me knees into my chest, allowing him to drive his cock even deeper.

"Oh, fuck!" I gasped, my arms wrapped around him tightly and he gripped my ass, lifting me slightly and I moaned, feeling my belly pull tight as the tension mounted. It was amazing. My body was taut and aware, tense, my muscles coiling for a grand release and I sighed heavily, pushing myself against Edward's pelvis, driving him even deeper.

A dark chuckled sounded in my ear. "That's what I'm doing, Bella."

"Oh god, yes," I hissed and he suddenly pulled out, leaving me feeling suddenly, violently empty. For a horrifying moment I thought he was paying me back for the stunt I had pulled earlier and I nearly howled in protest.

"Get on top of me," Edward demanded and I straddled him, grabbing on to the headboard of my bed to maintain my balance. Slowly, I lowered myself onto his cock, groaning as it filled me. Edward watched me with an almost rapt expression and he grabbed my hips. I raised myself just as slowly and Edward sighed.

"You're torturing me," he moaned.

"I am?" I said in a teasing voice. I angled my hips and started to move faster, feeling powerful as Edward's breathing picked up speed, getting ragged. His hands trailed up my torso and came to rest on my breasts. The tension in my belly tightened as he rolled my nipples between his fingers, plucking them roughly, the pain delicious as it threatened to push me over the edge. I closed my eyes.

"I love watching you ride me," he growled, sliding one hand to my ass while the other continued to pinch my nipple. "You are so fucking beautiful."

He raked the tips of his fingers across the sore flesh of my ass and I groaned, seething with pleasure.

"The next time I spank you I'm going to fuck you from behind right afterward."

My eyes flew open as the first wave of orgasm washed over me and Edward grabbed my hips roughly and thrust himself deeply inside me. I wailed in pleasure and Edward gave a rough groan, holding me even tighter as his own climax moved through him.

"Holy fuck," Edward breathed, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Holy fuck."

"Uh huh," I mumbled into his neck, pleasantly spent. Carefully, I shifted so I was lying next to Edward and he nuzzled my cheek with his nose.

I was slowly drifting off when suddenly Edward spoke.

"I've never done that before," Edward said softly. My head rested on his chest, his fingers gently stroking through my hair.

"You've never had sex before?" I asked, teasingly.

He grunted. "I was talking about punishing you. I've never done that before to another girl."

I blushed. "Well, I've never had anyone do that to me before."

"It was incredibly hot, watching you struggle and cry out." Edward's expert fingers traced my jaw.

"Mmm," I agreed. "In a slightly painful kind of way, I suppose."

"I'm going to do that every time you do something stupid or dangerous." His tone was full of conviction and I frowned.

"Maybe," I replied.

"Maybe?" Edward fingers tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze and there was tenderness in his eyes.

"What time is it?" I changed the subject and reached over him to grab my cell phone off the nightstand. "It's almost four. We probably should get going."

Edward sighed and rolled over. I stood up and looked around my room for my t-shirt before discreetly opening a drawer and pulling out a new pair of underwear and tugged them on.

"You ready?" I asked once we were fully clothed. Edward leaned down and kissed me tenderly.

"Whenever you are," he replied, rubbing his nose against mine.

I slid my hand, almost shyly, into his. "Let's go."

We walked out to Edward's car hand in hand and I smiled when he opened my car door.

"Give me your iPod." Edward held out his hand and I fished it from my backpack. Every time we were in his car he asked me for it. Sometimes he requested that I put on an album I wanted to listen but mostly he put the device on shuffle, giving us a very eclectic mixture of background music.

He plugged it into his car and hit play, obviously wanting to hear what I had been listening to last. Strange, almost demented sounding circus-esqe music filled the Volvo.

"Well, this is fucking weird," he remarked as we hit the highway and headed toward Port Angeles. "Why do you like this stuff?"

I smiled to myself, recalling my music session with Charlie. "Well, first of all, they are really talented musicians. I like the craziness of their sound. I mean, it's really dramatic and kind of over the top and peppy but it's also kind of sinister, too. The lyrics are a contradiction to the sound. They're dark and kind of bitter. They sing about heartbreak and lost love and stuff."

Leaning over, I turned up the volume and the car filled with pianos, bells, flutes, and the lilting sound of xylophones. It was insanely, maniacally chipper and cacophonic. "Listen to the lyrics," I told Edward.

_Am I supposed to close my eyes as you walk away from me  
Am I supposed to blind myself so I'll never have to see  
you walking side by side with a different kind of man  
who'll redefine your body in ways I know I..  
what if I don't want to go now  
will you come and put these eyes out for me..._

"It kind of makes me uncomfortable," Edward admitted. "It's sort of… jarring."

"It is," I agreed. "But I like things that make me uncomfortable, I guess."

Edward grinned devilishly at me. "Yes, you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

The drive passed quickly as Edward and I bantered back and forth, occasionally throwing out good-natured insults and teasing one another. We showed up to the legion hall and there was already a crowd of kids lingering around the parking lot. A few eyebrows raised as Edward navigated his Volvo between a rusty old station wagon and a truck that looked even more decrepit than mine. I realized that Edward would stick out like a sore thumb. His designer jeans clung to his hips and his t-shirt was ridiculously expensive looking, even though it was simple. He just looked _rich_. Hardcore kids and rich kids, in general, weren't a very good mix. _Rich kid, rich kid, get outta my hair (get out of my way, get out of my way)/ I'll sing what I sing/ I'll wear what I what I wear… _

"You know," Edward said quietly to me, grabbing my hand. "I was a little insulted when I showed up today and you were wearing a pair of jeans and a Forks High t-shirt. But I see why now."

I chuckled a little. "Edward, it's not like I'm going to wear a prom dress. It's going to be hot and stuffy in there. People are going to mosh and sweat. No sense in dressing up."

"People are looking at us."

"No," I corrected. "People are looking at you. You're not exactly second-hand store chic. Don't worry about it. Fuck them. We're here for the music, not the crowd."

Edward looked down at me and smiled in a way that made me melt. "This is so important to you, isn't it?"

I nodded as we dodged around a group of kids that were arguing back and forth about politics.

"And you only come here for the music, not to make friends or hang out with people."

"It's all about the music," I explained simply. "Why would you go to see a live band if you didn't want to see the music? I mean, who cares about the other people."

Edward stopped me, suddenly. "Bella, have you ever had friends? Besides your iPod?"

I bristled and ignored his question. "Look," I said harshly. "This is what makes me happier than anything in the world. I have never taken someone to a show before. So you either shut up with your little analysis of all of this and enjoy it or you can leave me here and I'll find a way home. Capisce?"

His dark eyes smoldered and I noticed his shoulders tighten. I expected an outburst from him but instead, he simply took up my hand again and simply said, "Okay, Bella. Let's go."

I tuned Edward out a little as we stepped into line. He seemed to sense that I wanted a little space and, though he held my hand, he was silent, watching me.

This was my time. I wanted to tell him that he must mean something to me if I was taking him to a show but I couldn't. I didn't know how to articulate what I felt. So I stopped thinking about it. _We dance to all the wrong songs/ we enjoy all the wrong moves/ we dance to all the wrong songs/ we're not… leading… _

I was so excited to get inside I could barely contain it. I bounced from one foot to another, impatiently waiting as the line shuffled ahead, trading seven dollars for a stamp on the back of the hand. Though the crowd was mostly teenagers or twenty-somethings, a few older folks milled about as the crew raced around on the makeshift stage, setting up for the band.

Edward raised an eyebrow when we entered the building, scanning the dimly lit, packed room.

"I'm going to go up front when my band goes on," I informed him. "I'll stay back here with you for the opening bands, but I'm pretty sure you're not going to want to come up front with me."

"Why is that?"

"Well," I tried to explain. "It's kind of crazy in the pit – you know, people pushing and shoving or riding the crowd. If you're not used to it, you can get hurt."

"And you're going to participate?" Edward asked, incredulous. "Bella, you're half the size of most of the people in this room."

"Edward, I like to be up front," I replied quietly, almost imploringly. "I want to be up there and I don't want to be worrying that you're up there, getting hurt. Or worse."

Edward sighed and it looked like he wanted to put up an argument, but thought better of it. "Fine."

We barely spoke as the bands came on and occasionally I'd peek up at Edward to try to observe his reaction. He watched not just the band, but also the crowd, very intently, his eyes bright and curious. Every once in awhile he would tap his foot in time to the music and I knew he was getting into it. When the second band came on, I felt his arm snake around my waist.

"Since you're going to ditch me soon, I figured I might as well take advantage of your close proximity," he said into my ear as he pulled me closer to him. "Plus, I want every fucking guy in this place to know you belong to me."

"I am not an object to possess," I protested vehemently, a little insulted.

Edward's hand tightened around my waist, a little painfully and he kissed my cheek. "You are the object of my affection and I am very possessive of what I care about," he answered, his voice dark.

"Shut up and watch the band," I retorted. Edward rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the stage.

The moment the second band was finished, I stood on my tiptoes, gave Edward a very deep kiss and disappeared into the thick crowd before he could protest. It took me about five minutes to push my way through the throngs of people but finally, as the lights dimmed, I had managed to make my way to the stage and was squished between two burly boys.

I tapped my foot anxiously, waiting for the band to start, feeling my heart pound and rattle inside my chest, frenetic with excitement and anticipation. I lived for this. Everything else in my life disappeared the moment I heard the screech of guitar, or the pounding of drum. It was all around me, next to me, inside of me. At that moment I was no longer Bella Swan, but a part of something so much bigger. I belonged to the music and the music belonged to me. I could feel the hum of the amplifiers in my chest and knew it would only increase when the drummer started playing. I couldn't wait – and I didn't have long.

The room exploded when the band started to play and I kept my forearm in front of me to protect myself from any errant hands or feet that might come my way. We sang along with the song, throwing our fists in the air as adrenaline and excitement coursed through me, leaving me feeling light and breathless.

_Did you really fall for this again?  
Did you believe that he was a man?  
Did you think there was something real  
In the things we've said.  
Just to be a lord over you (in bed)  
He'll tell you everything  
You'll ever want to hear  
Cause he wants to be your most dear  
He wants to be the reason for your tear  
And the music that's playing in your ear  
He wants to be your reservoir of pleasure  
And wants to be your heart's only treasure  
Your everything, your only-thing  
Your god, he wants to be your god_

How far you fall for it – how far you fall

My throat protested as I screamed along with crowd, pounding my foot on the floor in time to the heavy drum beat, shifting and undulating, an ocean of people, organized chaos. As the band launched into the chorus, something hit me violently; it felt as if a fire exploded in my face. For a split second the world went black and silent, with only the pain accompanying me. The next thing I knew many hands were reaching down to pull me up off the floor. I gazed around me, trying to convey my thanks to the boys who had formed a protective circle around me so I didn't get trampled by the moshing crowd.

A torturous throbbing pulsed through me. I almost marveled that my body could feel something so terrible. Then I looked down, dumbly, as I pulled my cupped hands away from my nose and saw a little puddle of blood in them. For the first time in my life, I swooned.

A lanky man with a shaved head and multiple tattoos helped propel me through the crowds, his arm protectively around me as he led me toward the back of the room. Once he ascertained I was in no danger of getting clocked in the face again, he disappeared back into the melee as the band played on. Someone else shoved a wad of paper towels into my hands and I pressed it gingerly against my nose, suddenly aware of the tears of pain that were streaming down my cheeks. My god, it _hurt_.

"Bella!" Over the cacophony of the music, I heard Edward's voice, wild with panic. His face was twisted with concern but also fury and for a moment I thought he was mad at me. Then his form blurred as tears distorted my vision. I clutched at the paper towels that were rapidly turning a bright red.

"What the fuck happened?" Edward came to a halt in front of me. "Jesus Christ, Bella. Someone hit you?"

"No one hit me, Edward," I mumbled, my voice sounding nasally. I jerked my head toward the door and Edward followed me out.

The cool air hit my sweaty face and I stumbled, dazed and dizzy. The smell of blood was overpowering and I almost sank to the sidewalk but Edward grabbed me and led me to a bench.

"You need to go to a hospital."

"No I fucking don't," I replied. "It's just a bloody nose. It'll stop soon."

"Who hit you?" Edward looked venomously angry.

"No one hit me, Edward," I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose gingerly, wincing as pain coursed through it. "I don't know what hit me. Maybe a boot from someone crowd surfing. Maybe an elbow? I don't know. That's just how it is. It's nobody's fault."

"I should have gone up there with you," Edward muttered, more to himself than me.

"Why? So you could see me get punched in the face?" I was starting to get pissed off. "Look, it's not a big deal, forget it."

"You're going to see my father."

I frowned. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "He's a doctor. He can take a look at your nose."

"Be real, Edward," I snapped. "You're going to introduce me for the first time to your father when I'm covered in blood?" I plucked at my Forks High t-shirt, now smattered with blood. "No way."

"No arguing," Edward told me firmly. "Come on, let's go-"

"Well, well, if it isn't Bella and her pretty boy," a cold voice interrupted Edward and inwardly I groaned. James sauntered over to us, surrounded by three other men and a woman with fiery red hair. He grinned at us.

"Fuck," I hissed under my breath. I knew why James was looking so pleased with himself and by the taut set of Edward's jaw, he knew as well. We were outnumbered.

"What happened, Bella?" James asked innocently. "Got a little too rough in there for you? Pretty boy couldn't take care of you, huh?"

"Shut up, you fucker," Edward snarled. I hopped up from the bench and stood in front of him. He was glowering at James and his friends, fists clenching and unclenching.

"Edward," I kept my voice low. "Don't even play into it. I'm serious."

"Better listen to your bitch," the red headed woman said.

I was in pain, still bleeding, and immensely annoyed that there was a good chance a fight was about to break out. I needed to diffuse the situation and quickly.

"Let's go, Edward," I said, tugging at his arm. He complied, still shooting daggers at James. "I think my nose is broken. I probably need to go to the ER."

I hoped that James wouldn't do anything to delay my medical attention and it worked. They let us pass through. At the least minute, I turned back and saw James watching me.

"See you around, Bella," he called after me. "Maybe I'll stop by and visit one of these days."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "Good luck finding me. Asshole."

"I have a good idea where to look," James replied, laughing. "And when I do find you, we're going to have a fun time together."

I glowered at him but said nothing. Instead, I slipped my hand into Edward's.

Edward looked down at me and I was startled by his expression. His eyes were wide, glittering with something akin to anger but tinged with an emotion I couldn't quite decipher.

His expression unnerved me. "My nose isn't bleeding anymore," I offered. He was still staring at me, panicked. "What? Don't listen to that fucker. It's not like he fucking knows where I live or anything."

"Bella," he whispered. "Look at your shirt."

"What?" I peered down and froze, finally understanding Edward's consternation as the mascot of Forks High School stared right back at me.

I stared up at Edward and swallowed thickly. "Huh. That's not good, is it?"

* * *

Title  
Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues - McClusky (these dudes are fucking great)

Lyrics  
Cold Night - Yeah Yeah Yeahs  
Murder in the Red Barn - Tom Waits  
Alabama High Test - Old Crow Medicine Show  
Ice Dogs - Man Man  
Get Outta My Way - Rancid  
New Noise - Refused  
Woman - 108

Author's notes - Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave comments or criticisms! I had mentioned, via twitter that I was thinking about peppering this story with some EPOV so let me know your thoughts. I also apologize for taking so long in between chapters but I will try to update more regularly.


	11. Puny Human

Hai there! I know it's taken me FOREVER to update this fic and I do apologize. Real life has been fucking with me these days.

Anyhoo - just the usual reminders. I don't own these characters, I just like to fuck with them. And occasionally have them fuck each other.

This story contains strong language, sex, drugs, violence and Rock N Roll. Though not necessarily in every chapter. 18 and older, please.

As always, thanks to the ever lovely, sometimes bitchy Snarkier Than You for proofing my story!! Mwah!

Without further ado...

****

Chapter 10 - Puny Human 

A stony silence permeated the Volvo as Edward sped toward Forks, the trees along the highway a dark blur outside the windows. I glanced over at him, still clutching the bloodied paper towels in my hands. His jaw was a hard line, pulsing slightly, his eyes were narrowed and tight. I knew this was not a good sign.

"My nose isn't bleeding anymore, Edward," I said softly, cautiously. "I probably don't need to have your Dad take a look at it."

His cheeks hollowed as he sucked in his breath but said nothing.

"You had a good time at the show, didn't you?" I tried to spark a conversation that wouldn't end up involving our altercation with James.

"Yes. But not afterward," he replied grimly and it was my turn to suck in an irritated breath. At the sound, Edward's fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel as if he was trying to strangle it.

"No, not after," I agreed. "But don't worry about him."

Edward barked a laugh, slanting his angry gaze in my direction. "Oh, no?" he answered dangerously. "I shouldn't worry about a guy who just threatened you?"

"Edward, seriously, he's just full of shit. I know guys like that. He's all talk." I gripped the wad of paper, rolling it around in my fist, wondering how I could talk Edward out of whatever he was thinking. I honestly didn't know what the big deal was about James. He was an arrogant prick who tried to toss his weight around, whether because he was older than us or because he had somehow deluded himself into thinking he was important, I didn't know. And I didn't care. At the end of the day, I was sure that James was nothing more than a loud mouth full of bravado. _This bog is thick and easy to get lost in/ when you're a stupid,dumb ass, belligerent fucker/I hope it sucks you down... _

"You don't know that." Clearly, Edward disagreed.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm pretty sure I do." I returned flippantly.

"You know, Bella," Edward's tone hardened and dipped in temperature. "For someone who is so mistrustful of people in general, you really can be fucking naïve. You're like a fucking magnet for danger."

My stomach tightened as the all-too-familiar anger slowly unfurled itself in my belly, stretching like a beast after a long hibernation. "I am not naïve!" I brushed one hand roughly through my knotted hair as my other one clutched the soiled paper towels. I smelled like my blood and other people's sweat and I was sure I looked like someone had dredged me up from a cesspool. Edward, of course, was still casually, stylishly rumpled. He was probably the only person at the entire show who hadn't produced an ounce of sweat and, for some reason, this irritated me further and I scowled darkly at him.

The Volvo sped past street lights on the highway and Edward's lean profile blocked the fluorescence with its sharp angles. "You just had to get the last word in," Edward shot back. "You just couldn't walk away from that prick. Instead, you continued to provoke him."

"Are you saying this is my fault?" My nose throbbed and I bit back a groan.

Edward's lips twisted a grimace. "I'm not saying it's anyone's fault. All I'm saying is you walk around like you're fucking invincible and end up doing really stupid things."

"I do not!" I retorted hotly. "What was I supposed to do? Run away and cower behind you like a scared little girl? I can take care of myself, Edward." I groaned again as the aching began to spread and I rubbed at my temples.

Edward sighed and hesitantly reached out to me. "It still hurts?"

I recoiled from his touch. "Whatever."

"Bella, stop being so stubborn all the time!" Edward's shoulders hitched in frustration and he gripped the steering wheel again. "You know I'm right. You should have just walked away but you didn't."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling very much like a child who had just been scolded and, as much as I hated to admit it, Edward was probably right.

An image swept past my mind's eye of James, his eyes a glacial blue, calculating and wicked. My stomach knotted a little as I replayed his words, recalled the cruel smile curving on his sharp, hawkish features. Yes, I had dismissed James and, with a pang of alarm, I wondered how many others I had disregarded, how many other situations I had put myself in that could have turned out very badly. All those times I had wandered around the streets of Phoenix by myself, late at night, when Renee was nowhere to be found and boredom drove me from our small apartment. I wasn't a danger magnet. I had a death wish. _You burn too bright/ You live too fast/ This can't go on too long/ You're a tragedy starting to happen_...

I had no intention of enlightening Edward with my revelation and we fell into an uncomfortable silence, both of us lost in our thoughts.

Then Edward spoke up. "Are you mad at me?" There was a tentativeness in his tone that I had never heard before, marring the confidence I usually heard in his honeyed timbre.

"No," I answered, surprised. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just… frustrated with the situation."

"I know," he sighed. "Me too. I know that guy is up to no good, Bella. He's not going to let it go, I saw it in his eyes. It's like a game to him--you have to believe me."

"I believe you," I replied honestly. Edward just nodded curtly as he navigated the car down the Cullen's long, winding driveway.

"Oh shit, the whole crew is here," Edward grumbled. I looked out the window as the Cullen residence loomed in front of us and saw Rosalie's very expensive looking red convertible, along with a yellow Porsche, better known as "Alice's baby".

"Great." I didn't even bother to hide the displeasure in my voice as I opened the car door and stepped out, reluctantly following Edward toward the massive house. Our footsteps crunched beneath us, sounding loud compared to the soft soothing rustle of a late night wind that caressed the heavy foliage surrounding the driveway. Large leaves and fronds whispered out to me as we found the slate pathway and I wished I could sink down into their feathery folds, rather than head into what was probably going to be one of the most awkward situations of my life. There is nothing that screams "bad first impression" like a bloody and possibly broken nose when you're about to be introduced to your boyfriend's father. _Oh baby, why am I worried now?/ Did someone make a fool of me/ Before I could show them how it's done? _

Edward was oblivious to my consternation, kicking open the heavy wooden door that looked as if it would take an army and a few battering rams to break through.

"Carlisle!" he yelled, his voice echoing off the high ceilings. We were in the foyer and I hastily wiped my feet on the doormat, lest I get a single speck of dirt on the shining, spotless ceramic tile. A simple dark wooden bench sat like a sentry next to the door, sleek and modern with razor straight edges and a simple latticework back. Edward tugged at my frayed, stained gray backpack, which I was clutching to my chest like a security blanket, and threw it carelessly onto the leather cushion of the bench. A large, ancient-looking cross rested ominously near the foot of the stairs, stark against the light airy crispness of the house. He smiled sweetly at me, catching something in my expression that made him laugh faintly.

"Don't worry so much," he whispered. I opened my mouth, fully prepared to beg that he not take me upstairs in my state of disrepair, when I was cut off.

"Edward!" Emmett's deep, booming voice bellowed back. "Dad's in his study. Come play Wii with us."

I could hear the chatter of Alice's animated voice in the distance, followed by a quiet chuckle that clearly belonged to Jasper, and I suddenly wanted to go home. I was tired and in pain and wasn't sure if I could muster the energy needed to play nice.

The sharp click of heels against the floor grew louder as Rosalie rounded the corner and I stood there, frozen, wishing like hell it was anyone else but her. She glanced up at the last minute, her blue eyes widening in shock as she drank in my bedraggled appearance. In one split moment a flutter of emotion flickered across her face before she swung her gaze toward Edward, venom in her eyes.

"What did you do to her?" she demanded, stalking up to Edward. I stepped away, momentarily stunned as Rosalie straightened to her full height, looking both beautiful and menacing.

"I didn't do it!" Edward replied, offended. "What the fuck, Rosalie?"

"Emmett!" she shouted. "Come here! You need to check this out." Her full lips were drawn in a tight line and one curvy hip jutted our sharply as she placed her hands on her waist. It was a position that was both sexy and aggressive and only someone with ample curves could pull off. If I had done that, I would have looked like I was about to fall over sideways. For once, Edward said nothing and crossed his arms across his chest, meeting Rosalie's gaze unflinchingly.

I just stood there like an idiot, vaguely wondering why Rosalie was wearing four inch stilettos to play Wii at her boyfriend's house on a Saturday night and wishing I could disappear through the floor. Normally, I would have had some kind of sarcastic response to fling at her but my mind was a blank. I mulled over the possibility of a concussion.

A stampede of footsteps clambered down the hall and the next thing I knew Emmett was standing there, flanked by Alice and Jasper and every single one of them was staring at me with a horrified expression. Alice slapped a slender hand over her mouth, which had dropped open, her eyes wide. Even Jasper's eyes were completely open, rather than their usual half-mast, his lips quirked up into a bemused expression as he absently mussed his own unruly blond curls.

"What the fuck is going on?" Emmett's confused gaze volleyed between Edward and I, his eyes growing large. "And what happened to you?" he asked me.

"As I was trying to explain to your girlfriend before she jumped to conclusions," Edward glared at Rosalie, who returned it, "Bella got hurt at the show. I was taking her to Dad to have her checked out."

"Yeah, sure, that's what happened." Rosalie rolled her eyes haughtily and pointed her finger at Edward accusingly. "You sure that little ol' temper of yours didn't 'happen'?"

Suddenly it dawned on me what Rosalie was insinuating and I started to laugh. She looked at me incredulously.

"Do you honestly think Edward would be standing here with his testicles intact if he had hit me?" I asked bluntly. "I was in the pit and someone hit me. Or kicked me, I'm not sure really…" I trailed off as they continued to stare. "I look really bad, don't I?"

My explanation appeared to temporarily mollify Rosalie and she relaxed slightly, though she was still staring intently at me as if she was looking for some sign that I was lying. Edward took me gently by the elbow. "Let's get you cleaned up and looked at, shall we? I think this Spanish Inquisition is over."

I gave Rosalie a pointed look before I let Edward lead me up a winding set of stairs to the second floor. He said nothing as he rapped his knuckles against a closed door and pushed it open without waiting for a response.

"Carlisle," he said with a small smile, his fingers tightening a little when I balked. "Can you please take a look at Bella's nose? There was an... accident tonight."

An incredibly handsome man sat behind a exquisite antique mahogany desk that was scattered with papers and x-ray charts. His hair was blond and slightly tousled, a more dignified version of Edward's hair, though they looked nothing alike. His eyes twinkled with friendliness as he looked up with a pleased grin on his face...which disappeared immediately when he took in my appearance.

"Hi," I said weakly, feeling the heat burn my cheeks.

Immediately, Carlisle switched into "doctor mode." "What happened?" he asked as he strode over and sat me down in a chair. He didn't look up from me as he gave Edward orders. "And go get a towel and some warm soapy water. We need to wash the blood off."

It was at that point I decided it was a good time to look at myself in the decorative mirror that was hanging on the wall. My hair was in gnarled tangles, tendrils still somehow stuck to the sides of my neck, where they had dried, mingled with sweat. My nose and mouth were smeared with dried blood and a smattering of blood trickled down my neck. My shirt had large, darkly ominous stains on the front. A bruise was already starting across the bridge of my nose and my right eye was swelling, obscuring the chocolate color of my iris beneath the pink, angry flesh.

"Holy shit!" I gasped at my reflection in horror. Then I realized that I just swore in the presence of Edward's father and clapped my hand over my nose and mouth, sending a shooting pain through my face and very nearly swearing again. Instead I uttered a garbled yelp.

"It's okay, Bella," Carlisle laughed. "Both of my sons have said far worse than that. Now, let's take a look at this nose, shall we?"

"Thanks, Dr. Cullen," I muttered. Edward returned shortly afterward, an elegant ceramic bowl filled with water in his hands a cloth draped over his forearm.

"You can call me Carlisle." He smiled at me as he took the bowl and cloth from Edward and carefully began wiping the blood from my face. His hands were warm and soft against my damaged skin and, though he was very gentle, I held my breath, waiting for the pain to strike me when he began to poke and prod at my nose. It never did and slowly, I began to relax.

"It isn't broken but you are going to have one nasty bruise for a few days," Carlisle announced when he was done with his examination. He glanced up at Edward, who was hovering behind me, a meaningful look in his eyes. "Anyone care to explain to me exactly what you mean by 'accident'?"

I recounted the story to Dr. Cullen, flushing a little as I explained exactly what I was doing flailing around in a crowd of rowdy boys. Unlike Rosalie, Carlisle seemed to accept my version of the story and, after he suggested I put some ice on my nose and take some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling, we were dismissed.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Edward asked as he rubbed my back. We were walking down the stairs, Edward one step behind me. His voice was soft but concerned.

"Do you have any whiskey?" I joked. "You know, to help with the pain."

We hit the landing and I followed Edward into the state-of-the-art kitchen. He pulled out a sleek chrome stool and I climbed onto it, smiling a little as he brushed my hair back and, very delicately, kissed my cheek.

"That can be arranged," he murmured lightly, his breath tickling my skin. "But first I'll get you some ice for your nose."

I groaned. "I can't believe how terrible it looks. The rumor mill is going to burst into flames on Monday at school."

"I wonder how long it will take Lauren to start telling people she punched you," Edward chuckled as he opened a black and chrome refrigerator and filled a baggie with crushed ice. After wrapping it in a very expensive looking dish towel, he handed it to me and I rested it gingerly against my nose.

"I'm pretty sure she'll be talking by second period," I replied, my voice muffled under the cloth. "And then I'll have to punch _her_ in the nose for lying."

"Judging by that bruise, I actually think you weren't punched." Edward scraped the stool next to me out from the counter and folded his lanky body into it. "I think you were probably kicked. Or got a serious elbow. I've been punched in the face quite a few times and I've never bruised like that."

This was news to me. "Punched in the face quite a few times?" I repeated, incredulous. "You? I don't believe it."

A transformation swept across Edward's regal features. His eyes iced and hardened, his expression became shuttered, closed down, even as his jaw pulsed with tension. Edward's long lean fingers, which had been drumming the marble countertop were now curled into a fist.

"Believe what you want," he said tightly, his voice emotionless. "But it's the truth."

I was moving into unchartered territory and knew I had the tread carefully. "Fights at school?"

Edward snorted. "Something like that."

I paused, then brought the ice away from my face and placed it on the counter. Slowly, I coaxed Edward's fist open and weaved my cold fingers through his. His hand closed tightly over mine but he still wasn't looking at me; his gaze was trained somewhere far away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked hesitantly, unsure if I even wanted to listen.

"It was a long time ago."

"Oh." I didn't know how to respond and we both floundered in the heavy silence around us. _What's your story?/ I want to listen/ I can't fake pity/ I may not sympathize/ Twilights tailing/ Try my lies for size_...

"Bella," Edward said cautiously, finally turning to look at me. "I'm sorry. It's a long story and I don't feel like going into it now."

"That's okay," I assured him. "I understand."

Edward smiled sadly and I reached out with my free hand to stroke his cheek. He dipped his head to meet my touch and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

"I knew you would," he whispered, warmth creeping back into his voice. He opened his eyes and studied me before releasing my hand and picking up the ice pack.

"Keep this on your nose," he told me firmly. "Why don't you go into the family room with the rest of the guys and I'll get us some drinks."

My heart dropped a little at the thought of walking into that room and having everyone staring at me and asking questions. "I'll wait."

"You should just go in there and get comfortable." Edward looked perplexed. "I'll be right there. Give me two minutes."

"Well," I countered, "I can wait two minutes."

"Bella –" Edward's mossy eyes narrowed but his lips curved up into a smirk. "Wait a minute. Are you afraid to go in there by yourself?"

"No!" I exclaimed, grimacing as my the outburst sent a tremor of pain through my nose. "I just don't… want to."

"Why?"

I shuffled my feet. "I want to wait for you."

"You _are_ afraid!"

"No, I'm not! I just don't want to talk to them. I don't know what to say."

Edward walked over to me and kissed my pouting lips. "You fucking kill me, girl. You have no problem being in a crowd of guys throwing random punches at each other. You're totally fine with beating up Lauren, or cursing people out that you don't even know but you don't want to go into a room full of friends?"

"They're your friends."

"Bella, they're your friends, too. They aren't going to bite."

"Fine," I grumbled. Edward smiled and helped me out of the stool.

Slowly, grudgingly, I made my way into the family room, feeling like a lamb going to slaughter. _I had seven faces/ Thought I knew which one to wear/ But I'm sick of spending these lonely nights/ Training myself not to care..._

Emmett and Jasper were standing in the middle of the room, clutching Wii remotes and staring intently at the huge flatscreen TV. Suddenly, Jasper made a motion like he was swinging a tennis racket, narrowly missing Emmett's head, who backpedaled and flailed his arm, yelping.

"Fuck!" he bellowed and the girls laughed.

"You absolutely suck at tennis, lovey," Rosalie chirped, grinning widely, her blue eyes twinkling. I lingered by the doorway and watched them for a moment. She was watching Emmett proudly, her full, luscious lips tilting upwards as she swept her golden locks from her her shoulder and they fell obediently, and beautifully, across her back in a flaxen wave. For the first time, I could really see just how beautiful Rosalie was when she looked at happy. Then she caught my gaze and her smile faded a little and she was back to regular stand-offish bitch Rosalie.

"Hey." My voice grated over the syllable and I mentally cursed myself as I sidled past Jasper, letting the ice pack dangle uselessly in my hand. "Um, Edward told me to come in here."

"How's the nose?" Emmett asked, his eyes trained on the game. He whipped his arm again and the character on the TV mimicked the movement, connecting the with tennis ball and vaulting back into Jasper's character's court.

"Uh, it's fine, thanks." There were two couches in the room caddy cornered against the wall, as well as a leather recliner. I sat down stiffly in one of the oversized couches, as far away from the guys as possible, in case another errant elbow came my way. I could only handle one pummeling a day.

"Where's Edward?" Alice twisted from her position on the other couch, next to Rosalie and smiled broadly at me.

"He's getting drinks."

"He better be getting drinks for all of us," grumbled Emmett. Then, he yelled, "EDWARD, GET ME A FUCKING DRINK!!!"

"Christ, Emmett," Edward's droll voice rang through the doorway. "Can you yell a little louder?"

"Yes!" the others replied in unison.

I laughed as Edward rolled his eyes and came through the doorway with a tray full of glasses and Coca Cola cans. He put them down on a side table and Alice clapped her hands excitedly.

"You don't happen to have anything along the lines of, say, alcohol, do you?" she asked, peering up at Edward with her wide, doe-like eyes.

Edward smirked as he placed the tray on an ottoman off to the corner and produced a flask from the back pocket of his jeans. I recognized it from our night in the meadow and knew it was probably full of whiskey. "Of course, dear Alice."

"I knew it!" she crowed, sliding off the couch and deftly ducking as Jasper took another swing of the remote. "Who wants one?"

When Edward first started bringing me around his friends, I dismissed Alice as a perpetually cheerful, ultra girly goody two shoes. Then one day Edward and I arrived at his house and found Jasper and Alice lounging on the hood of a Mercedes, giggling crazily and smoking a very large joint. Apparently, I'm not a very good judge of character.

"I do!" everyone replied. Alice swiftly poured the whiskey from the flask and began filling the glasses up with Coke. Rose leaned over and grabbed one, wrinkling her nose a little at the strong scent of alcohol.

I pulled myself from the comfort of the couch and picked my way between Emmett and Jasper, whose controllers dangled safely from their wrists. I was reaching for my own glass when there was a noise from the hallway and Alice grabbed the flask before bouncing back to the couch, where she shoved it between the two cushions and settled her body over it.

A very pretty, sweet looking woman entered the room, light honey-brown curls framing her heart-shaped face. She was small and slender but shared Emmett's brown, friendly eyes. My heart picked up speed and I straightened quickly, trying to step away from the contraband drink but there was no where to go. We were busted, I was sure of it. I wondered if she would call Charlie and rat me out.

"I heard there is a new addition to the gang," she said, her voice a lilting contralto.

"Mom, this is Bella," Edward introduced us and I quickly swapped the ice pack I had been holding from my right to left hand in order to shake her hand.

"Hi," I mumbled. "Nice to meet you. Um, sorry about the cold hand."

"Bella, call me Esme." Her smile grew impossibly wide, the corners of her eyes crinkling up. "It's so nice to finally meet you. How are you feeling?"

I stared dumbly at her for a moment before I realized she was talking about my nose and not the fact that I was standing in front of my boyfriend's mother for the first time wearing a blood-stained t-shirt, not to mention the whiskey and Coke next to me.

"It's okay... Esme," I replied as politely as I could, my face burning with mortification. "A bit sore, but Dr. Cullen says it will be fine."

An awkward second ticked by and I chewed my lip nervously as I shifted my weight from foot to foot. I felt the fake smile plastered on my face but couldn't find a way to make it go away.

Alice slid up next to me, grinning at Esme. "Esme, did you get the new Anthropologie catalog this week?" she asked, apparently taking pity on me and deflecting Esme's attentions. I mouthed a silent thank you as Esme focused on Alice.

"I did!" she exclaimed. "Did you see that sweater with the beautiful lace pattern down the back?"

"I loved it!" Alice chirped back, swinging her arms and looking extremely innocent. "Do you have the catalog? There was something I want to show you..." Her voice trailed off as she hooked arms with Esme and they both disappeared from the room.

"Alice is a clothes whore and so is my mother," Edward explained as I stared, confused, at their retreating figures.

"Oh," I answered. "I thought they were talking about science or something. You know, like digging up dinosaurs."

Jasper guffawed. "No, it's some really expensive store that sells strange frilly girly crap that Alice loves."

I shrugged. "Sounds... well, sounds like Alice." I grabbed a drink and was making my way back to the couch when Emmett stuck out his hand and offered me the Wii controller.

"Hey, Bella do you want to play?"

"No thanks, Emmett," I told him, sipping my drink and plopping back down into the couch. "I think I've done enough damage to myself for one day. I'm going to stay away from swinging arms for the rest of the night."

Emmett chuckled. "Fair enough. I don't blame you."

A few minutes later, Alice came back into the room, looking very pleased with herself.

"You're welcome, everyone," she said, winking at me as she dropped onto the couch next to Rosalie. "I think I deserve some props for running parental interference tonight."

Rosalie stared at her, one perfectly sculpted brow cocked. "Do you want a fucking cookie?" she asked, her voice sharp but teasing.

"Nope. But you can massage my feet." Alice moved swiftly and let one bare foot fall into Rosalie's lap. Rosalie's eyes widened in horror and she grimaced, staring at Alice's foot as if it were a rotting, dismembered appendage.

"Ew!" Rosalie shrieked, slapping at Alice's shin. "Get your filthy fucking feet off of me, you bitch!"

Alice only laughed as Rosalie tried to squirm away from her foot.

The couch dipped under Edward's weight as he sat down and he smiled at me.

"Rosalie hates feet," he explained. "She totally freaks out. It's really funny."

At that moment Rosalie jumped up from the couch, her face red, her features twisted with disgust. "Mary Alice Brandon you're such a cuntface sometimes. I swear to God!" She gave a shiver and turned to face Edward and I.

"Move," she demanded as she sat down next to Edward, who gave a grunt of complaint as she squished herself between his body and the arm of the couch.

Alice drank deeply from her glass and stretched her tiny body across the space that Rosalie had occupied moments before, smirking.

"Jasper, can I play winner?" she asked sweetly, lifting her leg in the air and wiggling her toes. Her tiny little ballet shoes were abandoned on the floor and Alice had a huge Cheshire grin on her face, which grew even bigger as Rosalie growled.

"Stop it, Brandon," Rosalie warned. Alice wriggled her toes again, stretching a little as she swung her leg out, her bare foot hovering a few feet away from us. The cuff of her jeans rose slightly, revealing a narrow ankle that had a delicate silver chain wrapped around it.

"Rosalie," Alice could barely keep the mirth out of her voice and failed at making a serious face. "It's time you conquered your irrational fear of feet. I'm helping you, just think of it that way."

"I'm not afraid of feet, you ass-clown!" Rosalie snarled, shrinking back into the couch as far as she could go. "I just think they're disgusting and ugly."

"Darlin', stop harassing Rose," Jasper finally cut in, trying to restore the peace. His soft, mellow voice was comforting and he was grinning lazily at his girlfriend, who smiled back.

I'm just trying to help," Alice repeated, innocently.

"The next time you help I'm going to put MY foot up your ass," Rosalie threatened.

Edward snorted. "I think we may have finally found Rose's Kryptonite, folks."

"You stay out of it, Cullen." Rosalie turned her scowl on Edward.

"Be nice to me or I'll make you rub _my_ feet. Alice's feet are adorable compared to mine." Edward grinned widely and Emmett chuckled.

"Trust me, baby, Edward really does have some nasty ass feet. Seriously ugly," Emmett told Rosalie.

"So they look just like his face," Rosalie retorted.

"Watch it, Rosalie," Edward shot back. I laughed quietly and downed the rest of my drink. My face was still aching, my one swollen eye tearing slightly. I reclined my head and closed my eyes, listening to their chatter and wishing I could jump in. Slowly, the pain in my nose began to fade and I sighed.

I must have drifted off because the next thing I felt was Edward's breath against my cheek, tickling slightly.

"Hey, Bella," he whispered. "It's getting late and you look pretty tired. Why don't I take you home."

"'Kay," I mumbled back, yawning. When I finally opened my eyes I realized that we alone. Edward kissed me gently, careful not to nudge my nose.

"Charlie is going to flip when he sees you," Edward mused as he pulled me to my feet, enveloping me in his warm arms, stroking my tangled locks with one hand.

"Nah," I sighed, tiredly. "He'll get over it."

"Come on, kid." Edward ushered me out of the living room and helped me into my coat, which I had left on the bench by the front door, along with my backpack. Before I could grab it, Edward scooped it up and led me to the car.

The air had grown chilly and damp and as we trudged our way to the Volvo, I yawned tiredly again. Once Edward was satisfied I was safely ensconsed in the vehicle, he slammed the door, walked around to the drivers side and folded himself in. It took a few minutes for the car to warm up enough to put the heat on, but once it was working, Edward tilted the vents in my direction and we headed back to Charlie's.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked as he drove. My iPod was still humming contentedly in the background, soothingly.

"Sure," I replied. "But are you sure you want to? I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm going to look fucking scary tomorrow."

"Bella, you will always look beautiful to me," Edward admonished and I blushed. "I was watching you tonight at the show, you know. It was hard to see you in that crowd but you looked amazing out there. So sexy. And happy."

"Mmm." I leaned my head against the window, smiling. "I was most definitely happy tonight. Well, before I got a boot to the face. That part didn't make me happy."

Edward gave a sad chuckle. "I wish I could make you that happy," he mumured.

I stared at him in silence, processing his words. "You know what Edward?" I said slowly, surprise ringing with each word. "I think you do."

_____________________________________  
As always, thanks for reading! It looks like Bella is starting to realize she doesn't always have to be her own island, though she's definitely not very comfortable with 'the crew.'

As always, lyrics (song, artist)

Title - Puny Human - Deadguy

Swamp Song - Tool  
Red - Elbow  
Middle Cyclone - Neko Case  
Can't Stop - Elbow  
NYC - Interpol


	12. Author's Note

Hey all! I know, I know, it's only a sucky author's note and not an actual update. I sincerely apologize for that. The truth is, RL has been kicking my ass pretty hard these days. I was debating putting 15 Step on a permanent hiatus but your emails and comments asking me, demanding me, begging me to update already! have made me rethink that decision. And deep down, I really didn't want to stop writing the story anyway.

I'm beyond flattered that all of you feel so strongly about my story. I love every comment and enjoy reading everyone's reaction to Edward and Bella's shenanigans. Like all of you, I really want to see what happens to these two kids – even I'm not sure!

That being said, I've decided to keep writing this story. I'll apologize in advance but posting will probably be sporadic, though I truly hope I won't be absent for as long as I have this time. Tentatively, I'd like to say the next chapter will be up within the next two weeks, possibly even sooner!

Thank you again for all your love and support!!

3 Jenny


	13. I Feel it All

A rare sunlight filtered through the yellow lace curtains that hung limply over my bedroom window, it's warmth nudging me from my slumber. I groaned and stretched, trying to coax my muscles to awaken as I lazily kicked at the quilt that was wrapped around my legs. With a huge yawn, I scrubbed my face with my hands and hissed in pain as I made contact with my bruised skin. Memories of the day before flooded my sleep-logged brain and another disgruntled groan escaped me as I dragged myself from the comfort of my tiny bed and stared at my appearance in the mirror.

The bruising wasn't nearly as bad as I expected but it was still prominent, a bluish-purple haze ghosting across the bridge of my nose, darkening into plum as it traveled down the right side and spread out underneath my eye, which was still puffy. My hair was tangled and gnarled from restless sleep and there was a stain on my wife-beater.

I looked like a crazy homeless person.

"Fuck you," I told my expression, sticking my tongue out. I knew from experience that any feeble attempt to cover it up would only make it more obvious so I rolled my eyes, grabbed my hoodie and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

Charlie was in the kitchen when I padded down the stairs, still slightly disheveled looking but clean and dressed in my favorite Minor Threat t-shirt, jeans and ratty old Converse, with my faded black hoodie thrown over the whole ensemble. They were my comfort clothes, the kind of outfit I would feel at home in no matter where I was or what I was doing. After last night, between my altercation with someone's boot _and_ James, I wanted to feel comfortable.

"Morning, Charlie," I said, sliding behind his bulky frame and keeping my face averted. He was pulling hamburger patties out of the refrigerator and staring at them suspiciously, like they might suddenly leap up and attack his face.

"Morning?" Charlie snorted, looking at his watch. "More like late afternoon - it's three o'clock! What time did you get in last night, Bella? I stayed up until about 11 o'clock but you never showed up."

"Umm," I hedged, because I really had no idea when I had gotten home. "I think I got home around midnight. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Charlie muttered, leaning forward to sniff the patties. "Just call me next time so I know you're alive."

"Sure thing," I agreed, reaching for a coffee cup. I turned to watch him study the meat. "Charlie, are you gonna stare at those all day or cook them?"

Charlie chuckled and looked at me. Then he gasped. "Jesus Christ, Bella! What the hell happened to your face?!"

"Calm down, Charlie." I put my hands up and backed away as far as the tiny kitchen would allow me as Charlie continued to stare with a mixture of shock and concern. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Charlie thundered. "You have a black eye!" Suddenly, Charlie's expression changed from shock to dread. "Oh Lord. What did you do to her? Is she in the hospital? I take it they haven't reported you to the police yet. It's okay --"

"Hey!" I interrupted, my voice cracking, offended by his assumption. "What makes you think I beat someone up?"

He gave me a withered look. "You'd give Muhammad Ali a run for his money, Bells, what with all the fighting you seem to do. I can't imagine you letting someone take a pot shot and walking away."

I mulled over Charlie's point with a small amount of chagrin followed by a larger dose of pride. "It wasn't like that," I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee. "I was at a show and I got... hit. By something."

"I don't understand." Charlie dropped the package of hamburger meat to the counter and crossed his arms over his barrel chest, obviously waiting for an explanation. So I told him about the show and the pit.

"Can't you like clothes and shopping like other girls?" he groaned when I finished. "Why must you insist on playing rough with a bunch of young, angry, men? You're like a lamb running with a pack of wolves, Bella."

_And I am sorry/ I'm not a maiden fair/ I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere..._ I swallowed the urge to call him a chauvinist, figuring that was a fight for another day. "I can take care of myself," I retorted as I took a slug of coffee, wincing as the hot, acidic liquid burned my throat. It was a phrase I seemed to be repeating frequently these days. "Look, I do this stuff all the time and I almost never get hurt."

Charlie sized me up and sighed, a small, wry smile playing on his lips. "Bella, you really are one of a kind."

Grinning, I answered, "You make that sound like a bad thing."

"I just worry about you, Bells, that's all."

I patted his arm awkwardly as I walked past him and grabbed the hamburger package. "Thanks, Charlie. Now, are you planning on cooking these or just staring at them?"

"I think they're expired."

I leaned in and took a big whiff. A funky, sweet rotting smell assaulted my olfactory senses and I choked, hurriedly chucking them in the garbage. Charlie chuckled again.

"Most definitely expired," I told him, swallowing thickly. "I think there is some chicken in the fridge. Why don't we eat that instead?"

"Damn." Charlie looked woefully at the garbage can. "I really was hoping for a burger. Hey, why don't we go to the diner?"

I threw him an incredulous look and pointed to my injured face. "Um, no offense, but I'm not going anywhere looking like this. It's going to be bad enough at school tomorrow. I don't need the whole town talking about me. Besides, I think Edward is going to come over in a little while."

Charlie regarded me with a guarded, curious expression. "You two seem to be hanging out an awful lot lately," he commented, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. "Speaking of Edward, where was he when you got... kicked... or punched in the smosh pit?"

"_Mosh_ pit," I corrected as I sliced open the package of chicken. "And Edward was in the back of the room. He didn't want to go up front with me. I mean, this kind of stuff isn't exactly his thing." It wasn't a total lie, but I didn't want to voice that I didn't trust Edward to not throw more than a few punches himself. Charlie tolerated Edward's presence, barely. There was no sense in giving him any ammunition.

I grabbed a cutting board and started to wash the chicken.

"Hey, Charlie," I said, my back to him. "You want me to call you when I'm done cooking? I was thinking of trying out a new recipe."

"Sounds good," he said in a tone that implied it wasn't. Charlie was a steak and potatoes kind of guy and balked at my more interesting recipes. "I'll just be in the living room, watching TV." He started to walk away and then paused, "Is Edward coming to eat with us?"

"Um, I don't know. Probably?"

With an unhappy grunt, he about-faced and pulled a can of Rainier out of the refrigerator. He stopped again, looking uncomfortable. "Hey, Bella. You know you can talk to me about... anything, right?"

I frowned but nodded as I yanked open a kitchen drawer and began to pull out various knives. "Uh huh."

"I know you're getting really, uh, close with Edward and you don't really seem to be very friendly with... the girls in town and with your mom... unavailable... so, if there is anything you... " Charlie stammered and stuttered over his words, painfully.

Oh my god, was Charlie really trying to give me the sex talk? Please kill me. "I get it, Charlie," I answered quickly, embarrassed. "It's okay, really. And thanks. I'll come to you if I need to." Talking to Charlie about my sex life seemed as pleasant as getting a root canal without Novocaine. I suppressed a shudder.

To my relief, he finally shuffled out of the kitchen and I pulled my phone and iPod from the pocket of my hoodie. Quickly, I sent Edward a text:

Making chicken. If you want something really yummy that will knock your socks off, be here at five o'clock.

I shoved the phone into my pocket and was plugging into my iPod when I felt it vibrate through the cloth.

_Only you could make dinner sound dirty. See you soon._

Smiling to myself, I flipped on the iPod and spun the dial to something mellow. Then I pushed my sleeves up and got to work.

There is something very comforting and satisfying about cooking. Like music, it's created of elements that aren't necessarily special or amazing on their own but, once combined, are positively magical. When I first moved in with Charlie, his provisions were subpar, consisting mainly of canned and frozen goods, so it was no surprise that he was agreeable to me taking over much of the cooking. Most of the time, I made meals that could be frozen and set aside; quick, simple dishes that wouldn't offend Charlie's unrefined palette. Today, however, I wanted to show off.

Singing softly to the music, I gathered all my ingredients and set them aside. Next, I pulled the Holland Chile out of the fridge and chopped it. Then I sliced up a few garlic cloves and ginger. Time began to slip away as I sliced, diced, whisked and mixed. The scent of Cinnamon and spice permeated the tiny kitchen; at one point, Charlie walked in to get a refill and looked alarmed when he saw me pouring coconut milk over the chicken.

"It's bad enough you're making me suffer through a meal with you and Edward," he grumbled as he stalked out of the kitchen. "But now you're making something that involves milk and lemongrass. Lemongrass? I've never even heard of that."

"It's good!" I yelled after him, giggling. "You'll like it."

The chicken was in the oven and I was up to my elbows in soap suds when I felt the atmosphere in the kitchen change. It was as if the air around me became electrified and warm. Though the change was slight, imperceptible, it was there nonetheless, and I knew I was no longer alone in the kitchen.

"Hi Edward," I said with a small smile, pulling an earbud out with a wet soapy hand. Edward reached around and handed me a dish towel before he swung beside me and leaned casually against the counter, his lean fingers curling absently around the ledge. A hint of a smirk played on his lips.

"Charlie let me in even though it seemed like he didn't want to. He says you're cooking grass for dinner." He leaned down and kissed me deeply on the lips, then stepped back and studied my face. "And the bruise isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be."

"I'm cooking chicken and the recipe calls for lemongrass so he totally freaked out," I replied, rolling my eyes. "And yes, the bruise isn't all that terrible after all."

"It's still pretty obvious."

I shrugged and started to set the table. Wordlessly, Edward pulled open the silverware drawer and began handing me forks and knives. "I know. Nothing I can do about it. It's going to be interesting tomorrow and I can't even begin to fathom what the kids are going to say. Whatever."

"Bruise or not, you're still the most beautiful girl in the school," Edward answered, giving me a crooked smile that I couldn't help but return. _I'm put together beautifully/ Big wet bottle in my fist/ big wet rose in my teeth/ I'm perfect piece of ass.._. My face heated and I knew I was blushing. Keeping my eyes on Edward's I took a step toward him and arched up on my tiptoes, my tongue darting out to wet my lips as Edward's fingertips grazed my hips --

"Well," a gruff voice asked from doorway. I dropped down and backed away hurriedly, flushing. "Is dinner ready?" I noticed that Charlie was eyeing Edward in a way that could only be construed as threatening. Poor Charlie - he had no idea how to handle me, much less my relationship with Edward. I bit back a smile.

"Yup." I gestured toward the set table and bowed with an exaggerated flourish. "Deener ees served." My accent was a complete failure but both Edward and Charlie laughed anyway.

Charlie stared at his meal with unveiled suspicion but Edward started in with gusto.

"This is really very good," he told me, impressed.

I popped a delicate bite into my mouth and chewed, savoring the heat of the chile mingling with the sweetness of the coconut.

"It ain't bad," I agreed.

With a huff, Charlie took a bite, his eyes narrowed as he chewed, mustache dancing above his lips as always. Apparently my concoction passed muster because he took another bite.

An awkward, uneasy silence hovered over the table, punctuated by the clatter of silverware against Charlie's old plates. At first I struggled to find something to say to them but I gave up quickly, figuring if the silence bothered them so much they could talk amongst themselves. Personally, I found Charlie's sidelong glances at Edward, as well as Edward's pathetic attempt to ignore them, amusing.

Finally, Charlie cleared his throat. "What are you two kids up to tonight?"

"Um, don't know." I stabbed another piece of chicken and hurriedly put it in my mouth. "Maybe watch a movie or something."

"Bella, don't chew with your mouth open," Charlie admonished. I scowled and smacked my lips loudly and purposely. Charlie slitted his eyes as I leaned slightly over the table and shoveled some rice into my mouth. Charlie growled in irritation as we locked eyes. Thankfully, the fact that my face was full of half-chewed food disguised the grin I knew I wouldn't be able to conceal otherwise and I was sure Charlie would hit the roof if I laughed at his annoyance.

"Actually," Edward's tone oozed false innocence, breaking up the glaring contest Charlie and I were engaged in. "I believe we have a Biology test to study for."

Biology test? I was about to open my mouth to disagree when I felt a not-so subtle kick under the table.

"Oh yeah, that's right," I stated quickly, shoving another piece of chicken into my mouth before speaking, just to piss off Charlie. "We probably should study for, er, that test."

"I know that Emmett said he wanted to study with us, so I told him we would go back to my parent's house and help him out." Edward smiled charmingly at me again and my insides quivered. Charlie watched out interaction with interest, his dark eyes darting back and forth, not entirely sure we were telling the truth.

I choked a little, trying to cover up my laughter. Emmett wasn't even in our Biology class, which meant Edward was up to something. _He's my Brandy Alexander/Always gets me into trouble/But that's another matter/Brandy Alexander..._ "Yeah, I know he was having trouble during the last lab. He definitely needs our help."

Charlie cleared his throat. "Just make sure you're done with studying at a reasonable hour, Bells," he warned. "You have school tomorrow. " He stood abruptly and scraped off his plate into the garbage. "I'll take care of the dishes."

I caught Edward's smug smirk out of the corner of my eye as I pushed back my chair and grinned at Charlie. "Thanks, Charlie. I really appreciate it."

I quickly thundered up to my room and grabbed my backpack as a prop and shoved my iPod into the front pocket. Edward watched me, his lips twisted in a smirk. As I passed him, he slapped me lightly on the ass and I mock glared at him.

"Knock it off," I hissed.

"Your ass looks great in those jeans," he answered. "Now get a move on. Let's get out of here."

There was a slight smattering of rain as I followed Edward out to his Volvo.

"Why don't I follow you?" I suggested, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt over my hair. The weather was getting warmer but it was still pretty chilly and I shivered.

"I'll bring you home," Edward replied simply, pulling open the passenger door to his car. "Besides, I highly doubt that truck will get you ten feet, much less to my house."

I threw him a withered glare as I climbed into the car. "Don't hate on the truck," I retorted, reaching over and pulling the door shut with a satisfying bang.

Edward scowled and walked around to the driver's side, sliding in easily and started the car, which purred in a way my behemoth never would.

"So, Emmett needs help with Bio, eh?" I grinned at Edward's profile as he maneuvered the car into the small, two way Main St. of Forks.

"Nope."

I feigned shock. "Well, if that's the case then maybe I should just go back home and study on my own. After all, we're only going to your house to study with Emmett, right?"

"No," Edward answered, a slight growl to his words. "We're going to back to my house so I can get you naked without having to worry about Chief Swan coming up the stairs and blowing my nuts off with his service revolver."

My mouth worked soundlessly for a moment as I tried to come up with some witty reply before a very un-Bella like giggle bubbled from my lips. Edward glanced at me, eyebrow cocked in amusement. The expression vanished quickly, replaced with a sudden look of sheer determination.

"Do you have your iPod?" Edward demanded.

"Of course," I replied, automatically fishing out of my knapsack that rested at my feet.

"Put in something you find sexy."

"Sexy?" I plugged the iPod into the car and started scrolling. "Not sure what you mean."

I swear I could hear Edward roll his eyes before he answered. "Put on a song that turns you on."

This was uncharted territory for me. I hesitated, my eyes scanning the list of artists and songs, knowing full well that if I did as he asked I would be sharing something with him I wasn't entirely ready to share.

"What's the problem?" Edward sensed my hesitation.

"Uh, nothing." I bit my lip and finally selected a song. A heavy, slow beat filled the Volvo, followed by an almost lazy crescendo of guitars. The singer's voice was deep and heavy, raw, almost guttural. Casually, I glanced over at Edward, trying to read his expression in the darkness of a car. His profile came into sharp relief as we passed under a street light, his jaw a sharp outline against the yellowed light, his head cocked slightly to one side, listening intently but said nothing.

Anxiety started to creep in as the song played on and Edward remained silent. Finally, I reached over to switch it off but Edward's hand snaked out, grabbing my wrist tightly.

"I'm listening," he told me sternly.

I shrugged and flopped back into the seat, biting absently at a hangnail and feeling very much like I had just laid my soul out bare for Edward to see.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity the song came to an end and I again reached eagerly for the iPod when Edward's voice broke through.

"Play it again," he ordered. I stared at him incredulously and ran my hand through my hair, which was tangled and knotted from the rain and my hood.

"Um... okay?" I hit repeat and leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. "Can I ask why?"

"No."

"You're weird," I told him in a soft voice, shifting in my seat to stare out the window at the darkened blurs that were wheeling by.

"No, I'm not. I'm just trying to figure you out."

Before I could ask him what the hell he meant by that we pulled up to the Cullen house. It stood simply, all angles and planes and as tall as always, with only a smattering of lights in some of the windows. I craned my neck, looking for Alice or Rosalie's car. I only saw Rose's, a bright red beacon in the night.

"Rose is here," I remarked casually as Edward cut the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt.

He snorted. "She practically lives here. Doesn't exactly get along with her folks."

My mouth dropped open in shock, not because of the gossip, but because Edward was the one doing it. Until then, I don't think I had ever heard him say much about anyone.

I remained silent as I got out of the car and followed Edward inside, mulling over the tidbit of information he'd given me. I only knew that Jasper and Rosalie were brother and sister; it never occurred to me think about them much further than that.

"I can't imagine anyone getting along with Rose," I muttered, more to myself. Edward's back stiffened and raised up to his full height before looking back to spear me with a dark stare.

"Rosalie has her moments, but the shit that goes on there...never mind. Just don't talk shit if you don't know all the facts."

I stopped in my tracks, bristling. Edward kept walking and after a few paces, stopped. He turned around, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, hunching his shoulders as a cool wind blew.

"You coming?" he asked, a little sullenly. I looked down at my scuffed Converse and debated. It was no use starting a fight. I had no car, and I really didn't want Rosalie to ruin my evening.

"Your mood swings give me whiplash," I grumbled as I stomped by him, unwilling to let it go. Edward chuckled blackly and unlocked the door.

"Upstairs," Edward whispered in my ear, placing his hand on the small of my back and propelling me to the stairs. I could hear Emmett's booming voice in the family room, punctuated by the frenetic jingle of a video game. I could barely react before Edward shifted, grabbing my wrist and pulling me up the elegant staircase.

We passed Dr. Cullen's office and I had a hard time believing that it was only yesterday that I sat there, letting him attend to my nose. I almost said something but Edward turned the corner sharply, stopping only to pull open a heavy wooden door that led to yet another set of stairs.

"What? Are you like fucking Quasimodo in the bell tower or something?" I joked as I ascended the stairs. Edward's familiar smell wrapped its tendrils around me, growing headier with each step. A lone light was on in the corner and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light and focus on the expansive room before me.

Edward's bedroom. My head swiveled, taking in my surroundings.

The ceiling slanted down on either side like a barn, and short bookcases lined one side of the room. In the middle, however, the ceiling vaulted high above and ran the length of what I assumed was the entire house. A queen sized bed was nestled in one corner, the headboard meeting the down slant of the wall, creating a small nook in a room that was anything but small. Near the bookcase was an overstuffed armchair, the kind that looked like it was dragged from a Salvation Army but probably actually cost a few hundred dollars, if not more. If I knew how, I would have been able to do a cartwheel in the middle of the room and not hit a single thing. Edward walked briskly over to a desk that was nestled near a window and flipped on another light.

It became immediately apparent that Edward was a clean freak. Back at Charlie's, I knew my bed was still unmade and that there were usually clothes draped over the furniture or bunched up on the floor. I could recall with great clarity the position of my Doc Martens: one upended and halfway into my closet, the other laying on its side a half foot away, carelessly forgotten.

I couldn't help but feel a small amount of embarrassment as I gazed around Edward's room for the first time. The books obediently lined up in their bookshelves, arranged by what appeared to be author or genre. Edward temporarily forgotten, I wandered over to another shelf that contained a great deal of CDs that were arranged in alphabetical order. I was actually surprised by how many CD's he owned - it was rare that he ever discussed music he enjoyed. I crept forward and squinted in the semi-darkness to read the titles. Most of them were instrumental or classical, one of the few genres I had any knowledge of. I tucked away that realization to mull over another day.

Edward watched me, a curious expression on his face, as I absorbed my surroundings.

"Have you seen anyone about this problem?" I asked casually.

His brow furrowed. "What problem?"

I let my finger trail along the edge of his desk, sleek and modern and metal, then made an exaggerated show of studying my finger. "Your OCD problem."

Edward snorted derisively. "Not everyone is a slob like you, Bella," he told me, crossing the room quickly in a few long strides and grabbing me around the waist and pulling me towards him. "I like to take care of my possessions. They're important to me."

"Ah, I see." I tried not to read into what he was saying but couldn't quite shake the feeling that I was somehow included in his "possessions'.

"Speaking of material things, I'd like to get you out of a few of yours." Edward smirked, tugging at my hoodie. I cocked an eyebrow at him and pulled it off, throwing it carelessly on the floor.

"How about the shirt?"

"Next you'll be telling me to take my bra off," I joked.

"You're a mind reader." Edward stepped even closer and lifted the hem of my shirt. I raised my arms obediently and let him slide the garment off, my hair tangling in the fabric before falling heavily across my bare back. The room was warm but I shivered anyway, especially when Edward's eyes raked across my half naked body approvingly. They widened as I reached behind and unclasped my bra, letting it fall to the floor.

Edward took a step forward, forcing me to take a step back as he once again ensnared in his arms. Then he took another, this time pushing us a little to right, and I felt as if I was dancing, a sort of semi-shuffling movement across his room, him moving gracefully as I awkwardly followed him.

"I don't dance," I murmured, peering up at him. A lock of hair had freed itself from behind my ear and obscured the vision in my right eye. I huffed a breath in its direction and saw the fluttering of chestnut locks before they settled exactly where they were in the first place. Edward chuckled and brushed the offending hair away from my face.

"I can make you," his voice was quiet and a little menacing, because it was quite clear that he certain. His eyes smoldered, part lust, part challenge. _And it's that color that never fails_

_To turn me blue/ So I just swallow it and hold on to it/ And use it to scare the hell out of you... _

"You don't scare me." I nudged him with my hip, trying to push him off balance a little. Edward's lip pulled into a crooked smile that was far more feral than friendly.

"You shouldn't have said that." Suddenly, I felt his arms tighten around me and I was airborne as Edward launched us across the room, tumbling down onto his bed. He was on top of me before I could catch my breath, a shriek of shock dying in my throat as I drank in Edward's dark, lustful expression.

His eyes remained locked with mine as he tugged at my wrists, pulling my arms over my head and pinning my wrists together, locked tight in his iron grip. He straddled my body and stroked my cheek with his free hand. I tried to tug my wrists free but he only squeezed harder in response.

"Don't struggle," he whispered as he leaned over, his breath sending shivers down my spine as his lips brushed across my earlobe. "I won't hurt you."

He trailed kisses down my jaw and neck, slowly at first. His teeth grazed my flesh and he nipped my neck. I squirmed and gave a small yelp as the sharp pain intermingled with the electric pleasure and tried to tug my arms free again.

"Don't struggle," Edward repeated, his voice low and gravelly. "Let me be in control of you. Please."

My body would have agreed with anything Edward asked of it but my mind was a different story. My brain fumbled through the haze of lust as I mulled over his request as quickly as I could. The idea of voluntarily relinquishing my share of power was frightening. And quite erotic.

I nodded my head, afraid that if I opened my mouth nothing would come out. Edward grinned, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Don't move," he demanded, releasing my wrists. "I'm serious. Not an inch." He hopped off the bed and disappeared into a closet. I turned my head, confused and curious, even though I kept my arms stretched over my head as he asked. I started to feel a little foolish, just laying there on his bed, topless.

I didn't have a chance to think about it for more than a second or two before Edward was back, a neatly tied bundle of cord in his hands and a predatory look on his face.

My heartbeat quickened as I watched him unfurl the rope and I wondered exactly what I'd agreed to.

"I bought these for a rock climbing trip I never went on, but I think this will be so much more interesting. I want to tie your hands," he told me. He held out the rope and leaned over me, his eyes searching my face for permission. I swallowed hard and nodded minutely, flinching a little in nervous anticipation as I felt Edward wind the rope around my wrists. He kept it loose enough that I could move my hands but it was clear, after a few exploratory tugs, there was no way I was getting free unless Edward untied me.

My mind was a whir when I felt the rope grow taut as Edward secured it to the bed. He leaned back to admire his handiwork, his lips pursed in a tight but triumphant line, his eyes glittering dangerously in the dim light of the room.

"You okay?" he asked. I nodded again, sucking in a breath as he slowly straddled my body, scooting down so his torso was flush against mine. "I won't hurt you.

"In fact," he whispered against my collarbone. "I plan on making you feel very, very good."

His fingertips felt rough against the skin of my breast. Every single nerve in my body was standing at attention, begging for Edward's blissful ministrations. His lips closed over my right nipple even as his other hand was kneading my left, his finger finding the hardened knot of my nipple and pinching slightly.

I groaned, my eyes rolling as a tremor coursed through my body. I tried to shift my legs as pressure began to build down there but I was trapped by Edward's body. His tongue swirled around my nipple relentlessly, the sensation growing into a crescendo I could barely take and I jerked against my bonds. Edward lifted his eyes to meet mine then, both a warning and a question warring in his expression.

"Feels too good," I gasped my explanation as I wriggled helplessly beneath him, almost pleading. "I can't take it."

Edward grinned, his fingertips massaging my left breast and I moaned again. "I haven't even gotten started yet, Bella."

His mouth trailed away from my breasts, his hands sliding down to my hips, gripping me tightly and he kissed my belly, going lower until he was stopped by my jeans.

"Let's get rid of these, shall we?" he murmured. Edward sat up and my body mourned the loss of his. Quickly, he shifted off of me and pulled off one sneaker, then the other. Next he tugged off my socks, then chuckled.

"Black nail polish?" he asked as he ran his finger across the arch of my foot, tickling me. I whimpered and tried to yank my foot from his grasp, unable to stop him since my arms were still tied.

"Ticklish, eh?" Edward arched a brow at me, a mischievous smile spreading across his handsome features. He gripped my ankle tighter.

"Please!" I almost yelped as he tickled me again. "Stop, please."

Edward pretended to think about it, then stroked my foot once again. "Beg."

"Fuck you." My half-laugh, half-snarl melted into a keening wail as Edward began to tickle my foot in earnest and I quickly caved to his demands. "Please, Edward, please stop tickling m! I'm begging you!"

Edward relinquished with a grin as I thrashed on his bed, still giggling helplessly. He crawled up and kissed me deeply.

"Good girl," he said. "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Relieving you of your pants."

With deft fingers, Edward unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off, tossing them on the floor where the rest of my clothes lay abandoned. Before I could say anything, he yanked off my panties and added them to the pile.

"Fucking beautiful," he breathed, his hands running the length of my thighs. "Jesus, Bella, you are so goddamn sexy."

I was still panting from Edward's assault on my foot and I was sure my hair was a tangled mess. I could feel strands of it feathering against my bound arms. I had never before considered myself sexy but at that moment, I felt like the most beautiful girl on earth.

Edward licked his lips and pushed my legs apart, his fingers pushing gently into the flesh of my thighs as he settled himself between them. My heart began to thump as he leaned down and let his lips linger on my thigh. Slowly, he kissed upwards and I whimpered with each movement that brought him closer to my clit. His lips against my flesh was pure bliss that buzzed through my body, each muscle humming and pleading. I closed my eyes, breath coming in shallow gasps as I felt the heat of his breath against me.

His thumb brushed against my clit and I jumped, a soft mew escaping my lips. He rolled it between his thumb and his forefinger before sliding a finger inside me. In and out, he twisted his hand until I was writhing beneath him. I felt the pressure inside me when he pushed another finger in and growled, lifting my hips as he fucked me with his hand.

"Oh shit," I growled, arching my back and straining against my bonds.

"Does that feel good?" his breath was burning against my clitoris and my eyes flew open. I peered down the length of my body to find Edward looking up at me with dark hooded eyes. I nodded desperately.

"Do you want me to kiss it?" He kept his eyes trained on mine, his mouth a half inch away from my clitoris, his fingers still buried inside me. "Tell me."

"Yes!"

"Yes what?" There was an absence of his hands inside me for a brief moment before I felt his fingers again, this time three, insistently pushing inside of me, filling me. His lips barely ghosted across my sex and I wanted to scream. If my hands had been free I would have grabbed him by the hair. Instead, all I could do was lift my hips in offering and do everything he told me to.

"Yes, I want you to kiss me!" I cried. "Jesus, Edward, you're fucking killing me. Please, do it!"

His tongue flicked out, a whip against my clitoris, pleasure ripping through the core of my body.

"Like that?" he asked, feigning ignorance. He knew exactly what he was doing; I no longer had control over my body--it belonged to him.

"Yes, like that!" I gasped, the words bitten off as his tongue lapped my pussy again, slow lazy circles that had my entire body shaking in need. I was completely wanton, helpless. I spread my legs even further as Edward continued to fuck me with his fingers, his tongue languid against my clitoris.

I felt the first tremor of orgasm when his lips closed around my button, his teeth grazing the already swollen and sensitive flesh. A loud moan ripped from my throat and every muscle tensed, every thought drowned out by the rushing momentum of my orgasm. Edward lapped my clit, still rhythmically fucking me and then I was gone, lost in wave after wave, my mouth open in a silent howl as I came over and over.

Dimly, I was aware of Edward's fingers leaving me as I panted, still overcome by my orgasm. I felt the bed shift, and suddenly Edward was looming over me. His shirt was gone, revealing his beautiful hard chest. He leaned over me, hands scrabbling to undo the cord that kept me bound to his bed. I realized he was completely naked, his erection thick and long as it nudged my stomach but I couldn't remember him taking off his clothes. And I didn't care.

The next thing I knew, I was free and flexed my hands before wrapping my arms around Edward. He gave a growl when I pulled him close.

"That felt so good," I whispered in his ear, my hands fisting in his hair. I peppered his face with frenzied kisses, luxuriating in the weight of his body against mine, warm and masculine.

"I have something that will feel even better," he murmured, shifting a little so I could feel his cock rest against my thigh. "You're so wet, Bella, I want to be inside you."

I didn't say anything; instead I reached down for his cock and lifted my hips, pushing him into my entrance.

He hovered, halfway inside me, as if he was savoring the moment. Then, with a rough, low growl into my neck, he thrust himself inside of me so swiftly it took my breath away.

"Fuck!" he ground out, lifting himself slightly to kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips and I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting him drive himself deeper into me. Another feral sound was wrenched from his lips and his hands slid under my ass, lifting me, angling me so he could go even deeper.

Incoherent words slipped from my tongue as Edward filled me. Each thrust pushed me closer to coming undone. Then, he stopped. I wrenched my eyes open, a whine slipping between my lips.

"Get on your hands and knees," Edward ordered in a voice thick with desire. I scrambled to obey. Moving quickly, I let my head rest on my forearms, my face turned sideways and I settled onto my knees, my ass in the air like some kind of offering.

"Jesus, Bella, I could come just looking at you like this." I felt Edward's hands on my hips and he pushed my legs further apart, pausing briefly before he buried his cock inside me once again.

I didn't even know I could make noises like the ones that were tumbling from my mouth. I moved with him, arching my back and pushing my ass even harder against him.

"I want to do it rough and hard," Edward hissed into my ear. "If it hurts, tell me and I'll stop."

I let out a particularly wanton grunt and buried my head into the pillow.

Edward pounded relentlessly into me and I muffled my moans and cries of pleasure with the pillow, my legs straining against his forceful rhythm as his hands gripped and kneaded my ass. I had never felt so stretched, so full and so aroused. My wetness dampened my thighs and I gripped the sheets in tight fisted fingers, unable to quell the shaking that was coursing through my body.

Edward was growling with each thrust, sucking heavy breaths between his teeth and he fucked me. It was animalistic and base and each grunt that came from him only turned me on further. I could barely catch my breath as the now familiar pull of orgasm uncoiled itself inside my belly.

"Edward," I whimpered. "I'm going to come." I don't know why I wanted to tell him that but I did. It seemed important.

Edward groaned. "Fuck, I'm going to too."

The orgasm ripped through me and I would have collapsed if Edward wasn't holding on to me for dear life, riding out his own orgasm. Wave after wave of electric pleasure coursed through, making my toes curl and forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut as I gasped, trying to catch my breath. It was glorious.

I breathlessly muttered something incoherent when I felt the heavy weight of Edward's body on mine. He quickly flipped me to my side and wrapped his arms around me, his chest slick with sweat against my back.

Neither of us spoke and the quick beating of our hearts eventually slowed, our heavy breaths evening out slowly. I wiggled my rear end against his crotch and felt him kiss my hair. My legs were still shaking and my arms felt weak.

I once heard the term "thoroughly fucked" and often wondered what that would feel like. Now I knew.

"Edward?" I whispered, the words rumbling from my throat. I was parched.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I think you killed me."

Edward's chuckled reverberated in his chest and I smiled.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

I turned to look at him, grinning contentedly. "It's a very, very good thing."

Edward smiled back, looking a little stoned, his eyes half-lidded with only a hint of emerald peeking out. His hair was even messier than usual and I reached out to push a lock of it from his face.

"You're beautiful," I told him.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you," he replied.

I smiled and shrugged, unsure of what to say.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for letting me tie you up."

I blushed. "You don't have to thank me. Did you like it?"

Edward nodded and traced my cheek with a fingertip. "Very much. It reminded me of the song you played in the car. That's why I wanted to do it."

That surprised me. I tried to think about the song I had played for him and why I thought it was erotic. It never occurred to me that Edward would understand.

"Sometimes, I think you know me better than I do," I told him solemnly.

"Oh, I don't know about that." Edward kissed me and pulled me closer and moved until he was on his back and I was partially draped across him, my head resting against his chest. "Sometimes I don't think I know you at all."

"What do you mean?" I frowned. Suddenly, this was not going in the best post-coital-conversation direction.

"I don't know how you feel. The only way I can figure it out is to pay attention to what you're listening to. It's like some secret code of yours."

My eyes widened. I never thought of it that way but then again, I never had anyone really pay much attention to me.

"Is that why you're always asking me to play you songs?" I wasn't sure if I was flattered or hurt.

"Not all the time," Edward admitted. "But sometimes. When you're moody or if it seems like something's bothering you, I'll ask you to play me songs because I know you won't want to talk about it. Or you'll just get mad."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say because I was getting mad that the conversation had taken such a serious turn. I wanted to cuddle and enjoy my time being naked with Edward. Instead, I felt like I was spooning with a shrink.

"Well, you're not exactly Mr. Talkative," I said in a lame attempt to shift the attention off myself.

"You're right." Sadness crept into his tone. "I guess we all have secrets that we don't share."

"Everyone does." My words came out defensive. "Besides, if we knew everything about each other than it would get boring really fast."

Edward chuckled. "Is that so?" I felt his fingers weaving through my hair and I lifted my head to look at him.

"That's so," I confirmed, kissing him. "Enough of this talk, okay?"

Edward looked at me peculiarly. "Sure, Bella. We'll save it for a later day."

Like never. I smiled at him. "Yeah, let's do that."

We fell into a comfortable silence and I closed my eyes, smiling slightly as Edward stroked my hair.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I nuzzled into Edward's chest.

"You mean so much to me." Edward's tone was uncharacteristically shy and his fingers ghosted across my face again.

"You too," I murmured.

"Don't break my heart," he whispered. I forced my eyes open and moved to look at him. I wanted to kiss away the trepidation that lingered in his expression and tell him I never would hurt him, that I would always stay. But I couldn't make him a promise I wasn't sure I could keep, so I answered him honestly, surprised by the sadness in my voice.

"I'll try my best," I whispered, gently kissing his lips.

Edward sighed and gave me a small crooked smile.

"I wish I could stay and fall asleep next to you," I echoed Edward's sigh longingly. "But I'm pretty sure Charlie would kill me. And probably you."

Edward chuckled slightly. "I'm sure you're right. I probably should get you home."

"Mmm," I agreed reluctantly. I stretched against him then pulled myself up to sitting. He watched me as I stood on wobbly legs to fetch my clothes before getting up himself. We dressed quietly, and Edward handed me my sweatshirt, which I tugged over my head. He reached over and pulled my hair free, letting it spill over the hood and my shoulders.

"You're amazing," he told me in a serious tone. "I've never known anyone quite like you."

I smiled shyly at him. "I could say the same about you, Edward."

The car ride back to Charlie's was mellow. Edward plugged in my iPod and we listened to the music in companionable silence for the most part, breaking the quiet with the teasing quips and jokes that now came so easily to both of us.

"You ready to face the masses at school tomorrow?" Edward asked casually as he pulled up to Charlie's house. "You know they're going to talk a ton of shit about your shiner."

I had almost forgotten about my black eye and touched it in remembrance.

"I'm used to people talking shit," I laughed curtly. "Besides, I have you on my side. I'm thinking that's all I need to deal with them."

Edward grinned. "I'll always be on your side."

I kissed him with a fierceness that seemed to shock him before I opened the door.

"Hey, Edward?" I leaned down and looked into the car and he looked over, a bemused expression playing on his handsome face. I noticed that his eyes looked strained, tired. "Thank you."

I wasn't sure what I was thanking him for but he nodded as if he knew. "I'll always be here for you, Bella."

I nodded and blew him a kiss, unsure of what else to do. I saw a sad smile on his face before I shut the car door and turned to head inside. I unlocked the door as quietly as could and kicked my Chucks off next to Charlie's police-issue shoes. A sports announcer's nasal voice blared from the television as I padded into the kitchen.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie's voice called from the living room. "How'd the studying go?"

I hid a smile and I pulled a can of soda from the fridge. "Great. I'm pretty sure I'll ace the test."

"Good!"

"Well, Charlie, I probably should hit the sack. Good night!" I saluted him as I passed by the living room and Charlie chuckled.

I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and headed for the bathroom. My thoughts were of Edward as I stripped out of my clothes and I licked my lips, still tasting him on flesh. As I climbed into the shower, I imagined him with me, warm and wet under the spray of water.

It was strange but I missed him already. I bent down and wrapped a towel around my hair, wiping the condensation from the mirror to stare at my distorted expression. I looked into my own wide brown eyes, a little too big and a little too suspicious and repeated in my head that thought - I missed him. I never missed anyone. It was perplexing and scary. I tried not to think of Edward but he kept slipping into my thoughts, mingled with other ideas that were just as disconcerting as the fact that I did miss him. _I wanna hurry home to you/ put on a slow, dumb show for you/ and crack you up/ so you can put a blue-ribbon on my brain/ god i'm very, very frightening/ I'll overdo it..._

I wanted him near me and my little bed felt cold and empty as slid beneath the quilt and tucked it around my chin and thought about what Edward had said, how he would always be on my side.

I hoped it was true.

A/N

Title - Feist - I Feel it All

Lyrics -

Ani DiFranco - Pretty Girl

The National - All the Wine

Feist - Brandy Alexander

White Stripes - 300 MPH Torrential Outpour Blues

The National - Slow Show

I do have to point out one thing -- I intentionally DID NOT put a song into the scene where Edward asks Bella to play him a song that turns her on. I figured you all would fill in your own blanks on that one. And frankly, I'm sort of interested to see what kind of music YOU find erotic/sexy/arousing what-have-you.

Thanks again for all your patience!!

Hope you liked and please leave a review, regardless of whether you loved or hated it.


	14. Who Are You?

Woot! Welcome to the twelfth chapter of 15 Step. Are you a newbie? Welp, here's the first chapter for you and you can find all related chapters in our side bar.

The usual warnings - I don't own the characters, I just make 'em do bad things and have shitty days from time to time.

Anything in italics are song lyrics, which are posted at the end of the chapter and the title of each chapter is a song name.

Sex, drugs and rock n' roll are contained in some/most chapters, so 18 and over please. Oh, and violence. Can't forget that.

This will also be posted over at and I've recently begun posting chapters on as well.

Thank you to the ever lovely Snarkier Than You who not only puts up with my bitchy attitude on a regular basis but she also betas this fic. Mwah!

Enjoy!

**Who Are You?**

Somewhere, an insistent obnoxious buzzing sound was trying to infiltrate my sleep-logged brain and, even though I was still mostly unconscious, I wanted to kick the shit out of it for disturbing my slumber. It took a few more seconds for me to wake up enough and realize it was my cell phone alarm, and I cracked open my good eye to glare at it balefully as it droned and blinked away on my nightstand, oblivious to how close it was to meeting a very violent, untimely death by my fist.

"Die," I grumbled at the phone, my voice still thick and choked with sleep. It blinked at me again, as if in challenge, and I finally leaned over and shut the offending thing off.

I didn't even have to look out the window to know that the weather was its usual dreary self and I yanked the covers over my head, wishing fiercely that I could lay in my bed for the rest of the day…

"Bella?" Charlie's voice was muffled by my door and I heard his heavy knock against the wood. "You planning on going to school today?"

I pulled back the covers and yawned. "Yeah, why?"

"Well, I heard your alarm going off a half hour ago and you never got up," he replied.

My body was bolting out of bed before my brain could even catch up and I nearly did a face plant on the floor in my haste to free myself from the tangle of blankets on my bed.

"Fuck!" I shouted angrily. I whipped open the drawer that held my t-shirts, only to realize that I was sorely overdue for a laundry day. The only ones left were ragged and stained. I rifled furiously through them and unearthed a pink one emblazoned with an outline of a state, and a logo that loudly proclaimed: "New Jersey: Only the strong survive".

Charlie was still standing in the cramped hallway, an eyebrow cocked, his expression a mixture of amusement and irritation when I flew out of my room with a bundle of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.

"I take it you overslept?" he asked drolly when I slammed the door.

"You're a regular Sherlock," I snapped back as I simultaneously tried to kick off my pajama bottoms and remove my shirt.I hopped on one foot, my vision completely obscured by my t-shirt before I finally managed to wrench it off. In the process, I slammed my elbow against the shelf, sending a clattering array of toiletries to the bathroom floor that were nearly drowned out by the stream of profanities coming from my mouth.

"Motherfuckingshitwhoretwatwafflingassholerybullshit…!"

"All right, Sailor, knock it off," Charlie's gruff police voice was back. "I'm leaving now. Try not to tear the house down around your ears while I'm gone."

I was on my hands and knees, searching for my face soap amidst the disaster I had made and only grunted.

Miraculously, I somehow managed to make it out of the house in ten minutes and without further incident. My jeans were slightly wrinkled from laying in a heap on my floor, my sweatshirt had a small stain in the corner but I was, for the most part, reasonably put together. Unfortunately, my hair was a lost cause and I pulled it up into a messy mass of tangles on the top of my head. Normally, I preferred to leave my hair down but, thanks to ignoring the bitching of my alarm clock, I had no time to try to coax my tresses into something more manageable. The cold wind bit into my neck, normally shrouded by the curtain of my hair, and I shivered, feeling a little exposed and uncomfortable as I hurried to my truck. _It's coffee to wake up and it's liquor to bed/ somewhere in between you gotta fight your way to live..._

"Come on, come on, _come on_, you old fucker, start!" I twisted the key in the ignition for a third time and finally the old Chevy roared to life, sounding just as disgruntled as I felt about having to wake up at such an ungodly hour. I slammed my foot against the gas, forcing the truck to speeds it was not happy reaching. As I hurtled across town, I thought I saw Charlie's cruiser parked at the diner and I narrowed my eyes, almost daring him to try and pull me over for speeding. Nothing would scream "badass" as pulling up to the high school with the cops in hot pursuit. Not that I actually wanted the attention, anyway. God knew I was already going to have enough people staring at me as it was.

My Chevy apparently was in the mood to pay me back for cursing it out because it decided to backfire as I pulled into a parking space. Even over the rumble of the ancient engine, the staccato boom was loud and I heard shrieking coming from the parking lot. I glanced up in my rear view mirror just in time to see a group of freshman scattering, their faces bright with alarm.

I grinned for the first time that morning.

Wrenching the key from the ignition, I grabbed my backpack and hopped out of the truck, nearly twisting my ankle in the process. Great. Not only was I sporting a black eye but I had to hobble through the lot to where Edward was waiting for me, a bemused expression on his face. My answering smile was a little more grim.

"Leave it to you to arrive with such… fanfare. Glad you could make it." His lip lifted in a crooked smile as he leaned down to kiss me. "How's the nose?"

"Better," I grumbled, hoisting my backpack over my shoulder. "But not gone."

"Are you ready?" He didn't need to elaborate. I already knew what the day held in store for me.

"Fuck these people," I spat, annoyed. I wasn't dreading the inevitable stares and whispers but my ire was increasing with every step closer to the school. "You would think these people would have something better to do than talk shit about each other. Fucking losers."

"Meow," Edward replied, smirking slightly as he rubbed my back. "Down, kitty."

"Let's get this over with." I strode purposefully up the stairs and pushed open the doors to the school, Edward walking closely next to me. A warm blast of air whispered against my face and I was greeted with the cheerful cacophony of teenage voices and the slamming of lockers.

The sea of faces spread out before us as Edward and I moved down the hall. Kids scattered out of our way, reluctant to catch our attention. A gaggle of girls were walking together, coming toward Edward and I, giggling to themselves. They looked so carefree, until one caught my eye. She nudged the others and they sort of shrank together next to locker, their laughter dying down into quiet murmurs.

Suddenly, I was keenly aware that my presence in Forks High was very well known, a thought that was troublesome. I had spent most of my life moving through the shadows of schools, blending in with the crowd and surviving unnoticed; until the first fight, that is. _Red Light Stop/ Green Light Go/ I'm hearing voices/ On my stereo/ They wanna tell me something right now/ We're the girls with the bad reputations/ We're the girls gonna make you pay/ We're the girls with the bad reputation/ We are gonna have our say..._

In larger schools this was never a problem. I was always quick to lash out with my fists because I knew that was the only way to keep people from fucking with you. The action was never unprovoked and usually any rumors or whispering would die down almost immediately because there were just too many kids, too much drama, and too many other fights for one to linger in the gossip mill for long.

In Phoenix, I was just another fish in the ocean. In Forks, I was a shark in a kiddie pool.

A freshman boy, pimply and gangly, his mousy light brown hair clinging greasily to his forehead, eyed Edward warily, trepidation in his eyes. If Edward noticed, he didn't acknowledge it.

Then the boy noticed me and his eyes widened, curiosity burning in them but wisely he made no comment. My lips pursed in a tight line as others began to stare and I felt Edward's fingers tighten around mine; I wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort me or warn me to calm down. Two girls leaned in to whisper their gleeful conspiracies, their eyes trained on my face, looking away only after I shot them with a pointed stare. They were brave enough to talk behind my back but not stupid enough to say it to my face.

I had a feeling I might not be the only one with a black eye by the time the last bell rang.

Tyler Crowley was the first from Lauren's gang to cross our path; his locker was three down from mine. Tall and rangy, Tyler was neither brave nor smart and did a double take, gaping at me as his dark eyes swiveled from me to Edward.

"Damn," he finally crowed, his sneakers squeaking against the dirty linoleum as he approached us. I couldn't help but arch an eyebrow in surprise when he came within arms distance from Edward, whose stature was becoming more tense by the second. "That is some shiner, Bella. Looks like you finally met your match!"

"Do you want to meet yours, Crowley?" Edward asked, the unveiled threat loud and clear as he pulled himself to his full, menacing height. The tension emanated from his frame and with a sigh, I put my hand on his arm.

"You're a fucking idiot," I told Tyler, barely able to keep the growl from my voice. "I'm sure the rumors are going to be flying because you people don't seem to have anything better to do than talk about each other but I'll tell you what really happened--I was at a show and I got hit in the pit. Got it?"

Tyler's face crumbled in disappointment, obviously hoping for something more controversial than my explanation. "A pit?" he repeated dubiously.

"Yes. I'm sure you don't know what it is because they don't usually have them at those lame ass boy-band concerts you go to but you can Google it."

Tyler just shrugged as he walked away from us and twirled the lock on his locker, his eyes still darting over to where Edward and I were standing. Quickly, I opened my own locker and pulled some books out, shoving them viciously into my backpack.

"Want me to walk you to class?" Edward asked, his voice low as he hovered over me, protectively.

"Nah." I zipped up my bag. "I'll see you in Biology."

Edward's lips brushed against my hair. "Biology," he agreed. "Don't let them get to you, Bella."

"I don't intend to," I replied resolutely. I fished my iPod from my backpack and stuffed the earbuds into my ears, squeezed his hand and walked away.

The gawking continued as I headed toward first period. I couldn't hear the whispers over the music piping through my ears and I didn't want to. Even some of the teachers paused, though their looks were more concerned than curious.

No one said anything to me as I sat silently in my classes, aware of all the eyes on me. I was starting to wish someone would, just so I could punch them. I felt like I was in a fishbowl, unable to hide from the constant eyes slanting in my direction. It was pissing me off.

When Edward and I entered the Biology classroom, Mike Newton's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, a slow, dumb grin spreading on his baby face as he took out his cell phone and began texting furiously. My lip curled menacingly on its own accord and even Edward stared at him, an unspoken warning in his eyes.

"You haven't killed anyone yet, have you?" Edward murmured as we took our places. I dropped my bookbag on the scratched black tabletop and slumped into my chair.

I laughed shortly and shook my head. "Not yet. But the day is young..."

We were cut off as Mr. Banner wheeled an ancient television into the room and announced that we were going to watch a film. He flipped off the lights and Edward found my hand beneath the desk. Just sitting next to Edward made me feel better. We sat quietly for the rest of the period and I closed my eyes, uninterested in the movie, smiling slightly every time Edward rubbed his thumb against the flesh of my hand. A calm drifted over me, relaxing muscles I hadn't realized were taut. All the irritation that was coiling through my body slowly ebbed away and I drifted off into a half sleep, jerking awake only when Mr. Banner turned the lights back on and the bell rang.

"Miss Swan," Mr. Banner said as we stood and shouldered our backpacks. "Can I speak to you for a moment?"

Shit. He must have caught me dozing off during the film. "Sure, Mr. Banner," I replied in what I hoped was an agreeable tone. Edward sighed next to me and made no move to leave.

Mr. Banner glanced at him, a little disapprovingly, and ran a hand absently over his graying hair. "Mr. Cullen, you should head off to class. You don't want to be late."

Edward stiffened, but complied unhappily, squeezing my hand apologetically.

Once we were alone, Mr. Banner fixed me with an intense stare. "Everything okay, Bella?"

This was not the line of questioning I was expecting and it took me by surprise.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"That's quite a bruise you have there," Mr. Banner remarked bluntly. "Care to tell me how you got it?"

I was tempted to refuse but decided that would only arouse his suspicions more. "I went to a show on Saturday and got hit in the face in the pit."

"A show?" Mr. Banner's brow furrowed.

"Yes," I replied as evenly as I could, though I could hear the impatience creeping through my tone. "It was a hardcore band that played. The pit can get pretty rough."

"I see." It was clear he did not. He coughed once into his hand and paused, as if debating whether or not to continue peppering me with questions.

I shifted uncomfortably and crossed my arms over my chest. "Is that all?" I asked, throwing a quick glance at the door.

"Yes." Mr. Banner walked slowly to the other side of his desk. "Bella, if you ever need to talk to someone about... anything, you can always come to me. Or any of the teachers, for that matter."

A derisive snort escaped me. "I'm all good."

Mr. Banner hesitated then dismissed me and I hurried out the door to find Edward. I didn't even have to turn the corner to the next hall to find him leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I stepped past him and he followed me wordlessly as I banged open the back door and headed to my truck.

Neither of us spoke until I had unlocked the behemoth and climbed in, Edward close behind me. Quickly, we settled in so I was nestled as closely as I could be to him, our bodies stretched across the bench seat and our book bags forgotten on the floor.

"What did Mr. Banner want?" he asked casually as he pulled the rubber band from my hair, letting it tumble down in a messy wave against his arm. I tilted my head up and hummed contentedly as he absently ran his fingers through my tresses.

"He wanted to know if I was okay."

"Oh?" Edward seemed amused. "And what did you tell him."

"I told him it was nothing a few decades of intensive therapy couldn't cure."

His chuckle reverberated through the cab. "Did you really say that?"

I shook my head. "No, I just said I was fine, which I am. He wanted to know where I got the shiner so I told him. I mean, it's really not a big fucking deal, you know?"

"I wonder if he was trying to find out if you got into a fight in school and he just hadn't heard about it yet."

I shrugged dismissively. "Nah. If someone sneezes in that school everyone knows. He was just being nosy."

"Maybe. Any of our wonderful, brilliant peers give you trouble?" Edward's voice dripped sarcasm.

"Nope. People have been surprisingly quiet about it," I replied, picking at my the tassel on my sweatshirt. "The whole rubbernecking thing in the hallway is pretty fucking annoying but as long as everyone keeps their traps shut, I'm all good."

"Of course people are going to keep their mouths shut," Edward told me. "They know better now. Your little...argument with Lauren made sure of that."

"And if they haven't yet, they'll figure it out real fast," I agreed.

Our conversation slowly tapered off into a companionable silence and I was lulled into comfort by the steady rhythm of Edward's fingers gently pulling at my hair. I drew in a deep breath, Edward's scent mingling with the wet earthy smell that permeated the truck and found the combination rather pleasant. His body was warm and solid next to mine and I studied his hand that was draped lazily across my middle, his long lean fingers occasionally pressing into my belly.

For the first time in a long while, I didn't have the urge to break the silence with music. It took me a moment to realize that my mind was actually quiet, instead of filled with things I'd rather not think about. I was content to listen to our even breaths and the almost-imperceptible beating of Edward's heart. Even a few weeks ago I would have felt uncomfortable with the situation but now, as I twisted my head a little to nuzzle Edward's shoulder, I felt a little sad that I knew the moment would end.

As if on cue, the warning bell jangled irritably in the distance and we both heaved a resigned sigh at the same time.

"Well, this day should be over soon," I said to Edward as he helped me out of the truck and handed me my bag. "I'll see you in lunch?"

He ran a hand through his wayward hair and quirked me with a crooked smile. "Absolutely, Bella."

It was only a few moments before I gave up pointedly ignoring the gawking and chatter as I walked through the halls and settled for openly glaring at anyone who cast their eyes my way. Any curious eyes were quickly averted shortly after that, but the chit chat carried on as soon as they thought I was out of earshot.

The constant hum of conjecture was beginning to grate on my nerves. I popped in my earbuds and swirled the wheel, looking for something that would sufficiently drown out the noise around me. It didn't really help.

I hated being the center of attention.

By the time I got to lunch, my anger was reaching a level that was potentially murderous. I was tired of being the focus of all the inane attention and wanted to throttle the next person who stared at me and ask them why the hell they thought I was so interesting. _They'll find pieces of you/ scattered on the ground/ I am the madman in your dreams/ We are the evil ones..._

The whispers started as soon as I walked through the lunchroom door and I slumped grumpily into my chair, ignoring all the goggling that was happening around me. The others were already sitting at the table when Edward and I arrived.

"Want to know what happened to you?" Rosalie commented as I picked at my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A slight, amused smile played on her beautiful face as she eyed me expectantly, bursting with gossip she obviously couldn't wait to share.

"What happened to me?" I repeated, confused.

Rose rolled her eyes and took on a condescending tone, speaking slowly to me. "Yes. Your eye. Want to know the rumors?"

"Kind of," I admitted. "Are there any juicy ones?"

"Well, most people think you got your ass kicked in a fight," Rose began, chewing thoughtfully on a french fry. "But that was a given. It seems that everyone is happy little-miss-tough-guy got her ass handed to her."

"Morons," I said flatly. "They all really need to get a life."

Edward and Emmett nodded in agreement but Alice and Jasper were too busy staring into each other's eyes to make a comment. Their adoration for each other was nauseating sometimes.

"No one is stupid enough to take credit for it," Rosalie continued. "I have to admit, I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping Lauren would 'fess up' so you could go over there and wipe that annoying smirk off her face but she hasn't."

Edward chuckled. "Are you telling me you now condone Bella fighting?" he asked wryly, snaking a fry from Rosalie's plate.

"Do that again and I'll stab you with my fork," she retorted pleasantly. "And no, I don't. I can't understand why the two of you feel the need to fucking knock someone out every two seconds."

"I got into one fight!" I protested, exasperated.

"Here," Rosalie countered. "How many fights did you get into when you were living in Phoenix? And we all know Edward got into fights all the time when he was-"

"Rosalie," Edward cut in warningly as he leaned forward, shooting Rose an angry glare.

Rosalie backpedaled. "Growing up," she finished lamely.

Frowning, I watched the exchange suspiciously. It was glaringly obvious that Rosalie knew something about Edward that he didn't want anyone else to know. This wasn't the first time he'd cut her off with a dark expression. I didn't care at first, since I was unwilling to share my own secrets but I was starting to become curious. Edward was watching me with a guarded expression but before I could question him we were distracted by raucous howl of laughter coming from Lauren's table and we all glanced over.

Lauren and Jessica seemed to be recreating something and Lauren was standing in front of Jess, hands curled into fists as she assumed a haphazard fighting stance. Though she was grinning from ear to ear, Jessica flung her hands up in mock defense, yelling in a nasally falsetto, "don't hurt me!"

Lauren swung a fist, narrowly missing Jessica's face, which was the whole point and I felt the icy tingle of annoyance sweep through me. Jessica fell to the ground, wailing and everyone laughed again.

"Too bad someone didn't break her teeth!" Lauren said loudly, bowing in front of her crew of sheep. "It's about time that bitch gets what she deserved. I mean, I would have totally kicked her ass if her crazy boyfriend didn't get involved..."

"Oh, hell no!" I let my sandwich drop to the table and pushed back my chair. "I think it's time to give Lauren another shot at kicking my ass, that fucking-"

Edward grabbed my arm and yanked me roughly into my seat. Emmett guffawed, while Alice and Jasper finally stopped cooing at each other and followed my glare to Lauren's table.

"Someone has a death wish," Jasper remarked calmly, a slight smile playing on his face. Edward grunted in agreement.

"Stay," he demanded sternly. "Do not fight anyone today. You'll get yourself expelled if you do." His green eyes glimmered in warning, his lips pressed together tightly and he arched a brow as I made a face at him.

"She's telling people she can kick my ass!" I seethed, pushing my sandwich into the wrinkled brown paper bag, my appetite forgotten. "What the fuck? I don't care if people talk shit about me but-"

"Come on, let's go outside." Edward picked up my backpack hurriedly and grabbed my hand. "Calm down, Bella. Right now."

I acquiesced and started to follow Edward out of the lunchroom but before he could stop me, I swerved my direction and stalked up to Lauren. Her back was to me and she was still laughing about my black eye but Jessica, Tyler and Mike were facing me and as soon as I was near Lauren, they all stopped smiling.

"Hey, chucklehead," I said loudly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward glowering at me as he stormed over and Lauren jumped at the close proximity of my voice. She whirled around, eyes wide and nervous. I could practically smell her fear. I grinned. _Head straight for the edge/ Same mistakes again/Lessons never learned/ Strike the match and watch it burn..._

"You think you can kick my ass, Lauren?" I asked her, moving in until our faces were only inches apart, our noses practically touching. My fists curled against my sides. "I promise you, baby, any time you want a re-match, you just let me know."

Lauren's jaw dropped and I saw a slight tremor crawl through her frame.

Edward was coming up on me and I backed away from Lauren, who was still staring at me, openmouthed.

"Let's go," I muttered to Edward and grabbed his hand. "Oh, and don't let me forget to remind Rose there is more than one way to wipe someone's smug fucking smirk off their face."

"I think she almost pissed herself," Edward laughed as we pushed open the cafeteria doors. "And you say I'm mean? You almost gave that poor girl a heart attack."

"It wasn't unprovoked," I argued. "She called me a bitch and was acting all high and mighty." I snorted. "As if she could kick my ass. Please. That asshole better tread lightly from now on."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Uh huh."

We rounded the corner, holding hands, and stopped short when we saw Mrs. Cope, the Principal's secretary, heading toward us with a harried look in her eyes. We started to move aside but she stopped in front of us. Edward and I looked at each other and shrugged, both wondering which one she was after but not particularly caring either way.

"Oh, Miss Swan," her breath left in a swoosh and she looked relieved. "I was just coming to find you."

I arched my eyebrows, wondering if someone already tattled on me. It was impossible; we had left the lunchroom less than a minute earlier. Her carrot curls were piled on top of her head, her round apple cheeks flushed. Mrs. Cope was wearing a pair of mom-jeans and a red sweatshirt with a teddy bear on it.

And people wondered why I didn't take authority seriously.

"Oh?"

"Yes." Mrs. Cope glanced down at the papers in her hands. "Follow me please. The Principal would like to have a word with you."

"What for?" I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes. "I haven't done anything."

"Bella," Edward warned softly beside me.

"You're not in trouble, Bella," she tried to assure me. Mike and Tyler rounded the corner as she was speaking, and slow, mischievous smiles lit up their faces.

"For once," Mike grumbled as they passed.

"Shut your piehole, fuck-nut," I snarled. Mrs. Cope gasped and Edward groaned, pinching my side slightly, trying to stop me from running my mouth. Unfortunately, it often had a mind of its own.

"Come quickly, please," Mrs. Cope insisted. "This will only take a moment."

"Fine." I turned and looked at Edward. "I'll find you later," I told him.

"Behave yourself." Was his curt reply but his eyes were twinkling in silent mirth as Mrs. Cope looked nervously at me.

Mrs. Cope and I walked in silence toward the Principal's office and I tried to remember if I had committed some kind of punishable offense but couldn't come up with anything, besides threatening Lauren and cursing out Mike and Tyler. A few minutes later, I found myself sitting in that familiar cracked plastic chair outside of Mr. Anderson's office, my feet stuck out in front of me as I slouched over, scowling.

"Ms. Swan." The door opened and Mr. Anderson gestured for me to enter. His gaze zeroed in on my eye as I stalked forward and slumped down into a slightly more comfortable chair inside his office.

There was a woman standing there who I had never seen before. She was young, probably in her mid to late twenties and wearing something stylish that Alice would have squealed over. Her frame was slender, lithe like a dancer's, and I wondered if she had been one when she was younger. Renee once signed me up for ballet lessons when I was younger but I sucked and she pulled me out shortly after I started. The woman's jet black hair was pulled up into a loose chignon and she appraised me with a kind stare.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet Angela," Mr. Anderson began, clearing his throat a little as he sat behind his intimidating desk and shuffled some papers. "We have a few questions we'd like you to answer."

"About what?" I asked, bored.

"A teacher has expressed concern over your recent... injury," he replied.

I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Mr. Banner? Are you serious?" I answered. "I told him I got the fuc-freaking black eye at a show over the weekend." I leaned over, fixing Mr. Anderson with a pointed stare. "In a mosh pit."

"Yes, well, if you don't mind, will you please tell us the story," Angela's soothing, lilting voice broke in.

"Fine," I huffed. "I was at a show - a hardcore band was playing. You know, those kind of shows are always rough and sh-stuff and I was in the pit," I formed quotations with my fingers as I said the words, "and I got smacked in the face with something. It's not a big deal. It happens all the time."

"You've been injured before?" Angela raised a brow.

"Um, I'm 17. I don't think any 17 year old has gone through life without getting a bruise of some sort."

"But you've been hurt at... shows like this before?" Angela persisted.

"Yes," I replied acidly. "I have. Can someone please tell me what the big deal is?"

Mr. Anderson and Angela exchanged a look I couldn't decipher and ignored my question.

"Who was with you at this show, Bella? Anyone from Forks?" Mr. Anderson put an emphasis on the word "show" and it was clear that he did not believe my story.

"Just my boyfriend-" Suddenly I realized exactly what they were getting at and internally cursed myself for being so stupid. "Oh, I get it. You guys think Edward did this."

"Bella," Mr. Anderson took on a very serious timbre. "We are not the enemy here. We are here to make sure you are safe."

"You are here to make sure I get an education," I snapped, standing quickly. Mr. Anderson's face burned with annoyance and Angela backed away in surprise. "And I can assure you, I'm quite safe with Edward Cullen. Is that all? Can I go?"

"Yes," Mr. Anderson waved a hand to dismiss me and jotted something down in on a notepad. "Please know you can speak to us any time if you're having… problems. Anything you say will be confidential, of course."

"Whatever." It would be a cold day in hell before I spilled my guts to anyone in that school. Or ever, for that matter.

"Perhaps you'd like to take a walk with me before you head back to class?" Angela smiled at me.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Yes, you do," she answered gently. "But I'd appreciate it if you would come with me. I'm sure you're not exactly eager to get back to Spanish."

I glanced at my cell phone--lunch had long since ended and I decided whoever this lady was, she would get me out of trouble for being late to my next period. "Fine."

Reluctantly, I shouldered my backpack and fell into step behind Angela. Once we got to the hall, however, she slowed her pace and walked next to me.

"How do you like Forks?" she asked me in her quiet voice. It was almost soothing.

"It's fine."

"You moved here from Phoenix, right?"

I nodded and pressed my lips together in a firm line.

"Were you upset that you had to come here?"

My heart constricted as I remembered Renee dumping me off at the airport with my luggage, while Phil sat in the car. She had given me a quick kiss, and I had begged her not to send me away, just like I always did. Phil had honked the horn before she could answer, though and I had grabbed my bags and stormed inside the airport, ashamed. I hated myself for begging and, as I sat on a stiff airport chair waiting for my plane, I cursed myself for being such a baby. At the time I didn't realize that Renee was moving to Florida and I wondered if I would have acted differently had I known. It didn't matter now. _Where my ma is now, I don't know/she was living in her car, I was living on the road/ And I hear she's putting stuff up her nose/ And still wearing that rabbit fur coat..._

"No," I answered her forlornly.

"Were you close with your mother and stepfather?" Angela was pressing, searching for information.

"No."

"And you live with the Chief now, correct?"

I nodded and silently willed Angela to shut the hell up.

"Are you close with him?"

I shrugged. "I guess."

A hint of frustration marred her delicate features and she changed the line of questioning. "I understand you had some problems with some of the students here."

"I s'pose."

"Do you want to talk about that?"

"No."

"Okay," she sighed and shifted topics again. "You and Edward seem pretty close."

I bristled. "I s'pose."

"Do you spend a lot of time together? I mean, it sounds like you spend a lot of time with each other in school. What about outside of school?"

I stopped suddenly and turned to her. "Are you a shrink?"

Angela gave me a small smile. "You could say that."

"Well, I don't need a shrink," I told her flatly. "What are you getting at with all these questions, anyway?"

"I'm trying to help you. Bella, you seem so-"

_Calm the ocean breeze/ Quiet the raging sea/ This stormy ship we sail/ Is a bottle filled with rage._ "So, what?" My muscles tensed with aggravation at her intrusive questioning. "I don't have to talk to you, right?"

She was taken aback by my hostility and stuttered a little."N-n-no, uh, you don't."

"Then we're done here." I turned quickly on my heel and stalked off, leaving Angela openmouthed in the hallway. Looking around to make sure she didn't decide to follow me, I dodged into the nearest girl's bathroom and locked myself in a stall as I eased my cell phone out of my bookbag and texted Edward.

**I'm ditching. If you're interested meet me at my truck when your class lets out.**

With a loud snap I shut the phone, shoved it back in my bag and cautiously left the bathroom. It was ridiculously easy to sneak out of the high school and I made it to my truck without any interference. My nerves were raw and I fidgeted with the wheel of my iPod as I waited for Edward to show up. Over the sound of music I heard the bell ring and I rolled my shoulders, tried to calm my jitters.

Edward climbed into the passenger seat a few moments later, his face etched with concern.

"What's wrong?"

I paused, searching for words. "Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he replied smoothly. "What is it?"

"Why do people seem to think you were the one who gave me a black eye?"

His face suddenly turned to stone, devoid of all emotion. "What?"

"That was what the principal wanted to talk to me about. They thought you hit me. And so did Rose. Why?"

"Bella, you're not the only one who's been in fights around here." His voice was bitter, acerbic.

_So please don't go and build a fence around your heart/ like you've done before/ when you're losing ground..._

"There's something you're not telling me," I insisted. "And it's something that Rose knows, isn't it? And you don't want her to tell me?"

Edward sighed deeply, his jade eyes tight and tense as he rubbed a hand roughly through his tousled auburn hair. Seconds ticked by before finally he spoke. "I was in a lot of trouble when I first came to Forks."

It was my turn to be shocked. "What do you mean,'when I first came to Forks'. I thought you guys have lived here your whole lives."

"The Cullens have always lived here, but not me."

"The Cullens? You mean your parents and your brother?" I furrowed my brow. "I don't get it. I mean, aren't you a Cullen?"

"Bella." Edward turned to me, almost pleadingly. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you. I just didn't know how."

A dry lump formed in my throat. "Tell me what?" I whispered.

His expression changed again, his features twisting with arrogance and anger. "I came to Forks five years ago when I was thirteen. From Chicago."

"Okay." I dragged the word out slowly, confused and unsure of what he was about to say.

"Back then, I wasn't Edward Cullen. I was Edward Masen."

"I don't understand." I was starting to wonder if perhaps I didn't want to understand. Somehow I knew the whatever Edward was about to tell me was going to change things.

"Carlisle and Esme," he began tightly, "are my parents in every sense of the word but the literal. They aren't my biological parents. They are my aunt and uncle. My mother was Esme's sister."

Words flittered in my brain as I processed this information and I finally settled on a lame, "Oh."

The silence was thick and heavy between us and I didn't know what say. So I said nothing.

Edward glanced up at me warily and licked his lips before he continued. "They adopted me when I was thirteen and brought me to Forks. My mother was... well, never mind. I had no one to take care of me when I was released so Carlisle and Esme came and got me."

"Released?" My brain was beginning to feel like it was filled with mud but somewhere, the panic began to grow.

"Yeah." Edward trained his gaze on a crack in my windshield, his voice so full of chilling bitterness it was almost painful to listen to. "Released. From Chicago's grand ol' Cook County Juvenile Detention Center."

My body jerked involuntarily, as if had been slapped in the face. "What?" My voice was louder than I anticipated, tinged with confusion and alarm.

"Start driving," Edward ordered suddenly, his voice cold. "I'll explain everything.

**Title** - Who Are You? - Tom Waits

**Lyrics**

Jenny Jump - The Roadside Graves

Finale - Bikini Kill

Walk Among Us - The Misfits

Watch it Burn - Sick of it All

Rabbit Fur Coat - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins

Wanderlust - Flogging Molly

Banana Ghost - Man Man

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave comments.


	15. Whalebones

Um, hai. Remember me? Probably not; it's been awhile. Things have been crazy these past few months and I appreciate y'all for being patient (well, most of you-poor Anonymous was about to blow a gasket... I'm so sorry!) .

But it's here. It's been a rough go, I have to admit it. Not only was I swamped with worky/real life stuff but we've spent the past few months trying to get about 130 peeps to hang with us in Forks. I've never planned a wedding but I think I know what to expect if I ever do.

Here's the deal: I want to finish this - I really, really do. However, I've bitten off far more than I can chew and unfortunately can't update this fic at an even remotely acceptable rate. So, I ask you, humble readers: should we carry on as we are with sporadic updates or say fuck it and you get the epilogue and learn how it's all going to end without knowing what happened in between. I'll leave it up to you lovelies. I might not know the juicy inner workings of right just yet but I do know how this tale ends. And I'm fine either way.

Anyhoo, here it is: Chapter 13 - Whalebones. When we last left our little balls of teenage angst and anger, some authorities were giving Bella the third degree over her shiner. You know, the one she got at the hardcore show? Well, it seems that Mr. Banner was a little concerned someone else popped her one in the eye. Namely, Edward. So Bella confronts him on it and, well, Edward's got a lot to say on the subject.

Need a refresher (c'mon, you know you do) - go here.

Newbie and want to start from the get-go? Go here.  
_

CHAPTER 13 - WHALEBONES

My mind racing, I obediently started the truck, not even caring if a teacher heard the loud rumbling as I pulled out of the parking lot. Edward sat stonily next to me, his eyes dark as he stared intently out the windshield.

This silence was nowhere near as comfortable as the one we'd shared earlier. It hung, thick and heavy between us, threatening to crush all the breath from my lungs.

I couldn't stand it. "Well?" I prodded as I turned onto the highway.

"There's a small park near Lake Crescent," he said dully, running his fingers through his hair and messing it up even further. "Go there."

I bit back a snide comment about being bossy and did as he told. Edward didn't speak again and I got lost in my thoughts as we headed out of town and toward the lake. Part of me was curious about his mysterious past but another part of me was a little afraid of what he would say. And now we keep where we don't know/ All secrets sleep in winter clothes/ With one you loved so long ago/ Now he don't even know his name...

We arrived at the park after what felt like an eternity and the Chevy shuddered to a halt in the lot. A light mist had rolled in, and hovered above the lake, obscuring the tops of the mountain that towered like soldiers, intent on protecting the oddly blue water that lapped gently at their base.

There was a bench overlooking the lake and Edward mutely climbed out of the car and headed toward it, leaving me to follow in his wake.

He quickly sat down on the bench, long legs stretched out before him, his jaw ticking with tension. His eyes were nearly black and his expression dredged up the memory of the day he'd grabbed me in the parking lot at school. It was the day there was an ocean of anger swimming behind that arrogant facade.

It was the day I realized he was kind of like me.

"I grew up in Chicago," he began, his voice rough and low. "My Dad was a carpenter and we lived in a shitty part of town, on the South side. He died from brain cancer when I was ten."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, twisting so I could reach out to him but he jerked away and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes still trained at the rippling water sprawling out before us.

"My mother was a nurse and she worked long hours. Even before Dad died, she was always working. He was the one who would be there when I got home from school and made me dinner and shit. But money was real tight after he died, you know? So she was gone all the time. I learned how to fend for myself and had to walk myself home from school and everything. I even did all the grocery shopping. Sometimes I'd go days without seeing her."

I couldn't help but be reminded of my own childhood, except that my mother wasn't a nurse who worked to support her son. Renee had been too busy trying to find a husband to pay attention to me. I didn't say anything but gestured for Edward to continue and pulled my coat up against a cool breeze that swept over us.

"I was scrawny when I was a kid," Edward nearly spat the sentence out, a glower spreading across his face. "And I used to have to walk past the high school to get home. There was this group of guys who were constantly starting fights with me. Fucking cowards." He glanced at me briefly, anger flashing in his eyes at the memories. "I mean, they were like sixteen or seventeen and I was eleven." He shrugged helplessly, as if he still didn't quite understand their motivation.

"I didn't care that they made fun of me and shit, called me a loser. I had too much other crap to worry about. Sometimes they would throw rocks at me, or push me down and try to steal whatever the fuck it was I was carrying at the time – my bookbag or groceries or laundry. I just took it because they were so much bigger than me. But I hated those fuckers so much. I would have these fantasies where I would fight back, kick their asses." Edward paused and licked his lips, his voice dropping low as he said, "kill them, even."

"Then one day they jumped me. I was carrying laundry back to the apartment. I wasn't even really paying attention. I just wanted to go home." He looked contemplative for a moment before continuing, his voice a mixture of gravelly anger and velvet sadness. "I didn't even see them and the suddenly I'm on the ground and they were punching and kicking me."

"That's totally fucked up." I couldn't think of anything else to say but I thought Edward wanted me to say something. He looked over at me again and this time, when I reached for his hand, he let me take it.

"Something inside me snapped that day," he continued with a sigh. "I don't even really remember how but I got my hands on a metal garbage can top. I mean, one minute I was on the ground and they were fucking me up and the next I was on my feet and swinging. I was just so fucking angry – I didn't know what else to do. I just wanted them to stop, to leave me alone. I bashed one guy in the face, over and over again and the other one took off." Edward shuddered a little, looking bleak.

"They didn't fuck with me again after that but it was a good lesson learned. I had no one else to watch my back, no real friends or anything. I had to fend for myself, Bella. Because even though I got those assholes to leave me alone, there were just more to take their place. Guys in gangs, guys that dealt drugs and shit. Trust me, Chicago is nothing like Forks.

"I knew I could never let anyone try to take me down without a fight. So I started working out, renting karate videos from the library and-."

A staccato laugh burst from my lips and Edward glared at me. "I'm sorry," I said immediately, swallowing a chuckle. "It's just that you totally just reminded me of that movie from the eighties. You know, Karate Kid."

"You think this is fucking funny?" Edward snarled at me, wrenching his hand from mine and leaning near me so our faces nearly touched. "I'm trying to tell you how I ended up in this fucking town, trying to share my past with you - let you in - and you're comparing me to a fucking movie?"

"No!" I exclaimed, scooting back as the heat of his rage washed over me. "I'm sorry, Edward, that's not what I meant to do. I swear!"

He stood suddenly, towering over me as he stepped in front of me. I shrank back against the bench as he leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of my head.

"You want to know what's really funny, Bella?" Edward's voice was arrogant ice again and I shook my head, because I didn't know what else to do. He ignored me. "What's really funny is the guy who's head I bashed in with a baseball bat when I was twelve because he kept fucking with me, threatening to kill my mom if I didn't join his stupid-ass gang. That's really ha-ha, isn't it? I nearly killed him, Bella. He was in the hospital for weeks because of me. He's got a metal plate in his head, that's hysterical, right? Because of me, because of what I did. Or how about that I spent three months in a juvenile facility because of it? Do you think that's fucking funny?"

"Edward, stop," I pleaded. "Stop being mad, I'm so sorry, I'm a total asshole. Please."

He stared at me, wrath still dancing across his features. "Or how about the fact that my mom was killed driving home from my court date. Do you think it's funny that some drunken douchebag in an SUV plowed into her Corolla? Are you still amused?"

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed again, as his expression changed, his eyes growing cloudy with a grief so strong even I could feel it. Then, just like someone snapping their fingers, it was gone, replaced with the cold mask of Edward Cullen. He stood over me, stance aggressive as he stared out into memories only he could see.

I sat there for a few seconds, breathing heavily, my mind reeling. Tentatively, I half-stood and extended my hand to him, pressed it against his cheek. Edward growled and caught my wrist, jerking me fully upright. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me, forcing me to turn my head to keep from suffocating in his jacket.

I was slightly frightened both by Edward's behavior and his story and more than a little confused as to why he was hugging me when I had clearly insulted and upset him.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I apologized again, my voice muffled against his coat. "I swear I didn't mean to offend you."

As quickly as he pulled me into the embrace he pushed me away and I stumbled to catch my balance. By the time I had righted myself, Edward was stalking back to the truck.

"Let's go," he said, his voice devoid of emotion.

My heart hammering, I trotted after him and silently got into the truck. Edward slumped down in the passenger seat, his eyes unfocused.

"Edward, I'm truly sorry," I whispered, the words barely audible over the groaning of the engine.

"You're an idiot sometimes, Bella," he replied. "You seriously don't think about how the shit you say or do affects other people."

He was right. So I kept my mouth shut.

Edward sent Emmett a text asking him to pick up the Volvo and told me, curtly, to take him home. He didn't look at me until I had pulled the Chevy up the horseshoe driveway in front of the Cullen's mansion. His eyes were dark but he leaned in and gave me a gentle, if not chaste, kiss on the lips.

"I'll call you later," he grumbled. Then he was gone.

Charlie wasn't home when I arrived and I made a beeline for the answering machine. I had to make sure the school didn't call to report my mysterious absence from my afternoon classes.

Sure enough, the light was blinking and I hit play. The first message was some automated recording about a sale on rug cleaning and I skipped over it. The second was from Billy's friend, Harry Clearwater, confirming some fishing trip they were embarking on that weekend. I made a mental note and fast forwarded to the third, and final, message.

"Hi Chief, it's Mrs. Cope. Bella didn't show up for any of her afternoon classes. Please give us a call back if there is a valid excuse. If not, she'll have to serve a detention. Hope all is well!"

I cocked my head, listening to Mrs. Cope's cheery message. Then I deleted it. I was fine with taking the detention but I didn't want the Chief to know that I had cut class. Once I was sure that I'd covered my tracks, I trudged up the stairs to my room and flopped down on my bed, carelessly kicking my sneakers off and digging through my back pack for my iPod. There was simply too much going on in my head and I needed to not think.

For the first time, the music did nothing to soothe my racing thoughts. I couldn't lose myself in the words of another, or the drumbeats. The wail of the guitar did nothing to make the story Edward told me go away. I couldn't stop replaying the awful way I laughed and compared his life to a cheesy fucking movie.

Edward dropped an emotional grenade in my lap and I pulled the pin on it immediately. I wished he had never told me about his past. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to think about Edward as a child, alone and scared. He was no longer impervious Edward Cullen to me; instead, there was a broken, fragile piece inside of him and that meant that he could hurt, really hurt. That secret that you knew/ But don't know how to tell/ It fucks with your honor/ And it teases your head/ But you know that its good, girl/ Cos its running you with red...

I didn't want the responsibility of that knowledge. Those were the dark secrets that could be filed away for future use, emotional tools of destruction. Secrets were ammunition – the more you knew the easier it would be to use them against the person, tear them down. There was a weakness to Edward now, and I knew of this frailty. I was in possession of something that could hurt Edward and that was exactly what I had done. I'd hurt him.

I reminded myself of my mother and was disgusted. Renee was a master at sniffing out people's weaknesses; she collected their secrets, their fear, and their failures of all her boyfriends and stored them up. Every misgiving, every flaw they had, Renee kept track, made note. When the time came for her to move on, or if she suspected they were planning on leaving her, she would release a blitzkrieg of their failures, their fears upon them. Rumors would start amongst their shared friends and tidbits of information, once held so sacred, were given freely until everyone turned away from whoever it was that had been unlucky enough to invoke Renee's wrath.

Then we'd leave for another town, in search of another true love that Renee could destroy.

I languished in my thoughts for an hour when suddenly I heard, over the sound of the music, an insistent, though faint, pounding. I pulled my earbuds out and sat up, cocking my head to listen. The pounding resumed, this time even louder and I realized someone was banging on the front door.

Cautiously, I walked down the stairs-trying to peer through the side window near the door-and got a glimpse of tousled bronze hair.

"Hi," I said curiously as I opened the door and let Edward in. He was still wearing the same jeans and t-shirt he'd had on at school, but now they were damp from the incessant drizzle.

He just stared at me and didn't respond, his eyes swimming with so many emotions I couldn't decipher them. I stepped aside to let him in.

"I thought you'd understand," he said hoarsely. I didn't need to ask what he was talking about. It was the same thing that was running through my mind since I'd dropped him off.  
"I do," I replied softly. Edward just continued to stare at me until I began to squirm under his intense gaze.

In the blink of an eye Edward was on top of me. My back slammed against the wall as his arms snaked around my torso, lifting me, and my legs were wrapped around his waist even as my hands were against his chest, forcing him to keep a small distance. My heart thudded and he lowered his eyes to mine, searching for something. Son, What have you done?/ You're caught by the river/ You're coming undone/ Life, you know it can't be so easy, but you can't just leave it/Cause you're not in control no more/...

"Edward?" My voice was small. He only grunted and rested his face in the crook of my neck, his weight pushing pressing against my body.

We remained like that long enough for me to start wondering how Charlie would react if he came through the front door and then I felt Edward's lips move softly against my skin. He nibbled his way up to my ear and I sighed, simultaneously confused and aroused.

"You think I'm a monster," Edward said, his voice muffled against my skin. His breath was hot and ragged.

"No, I don't Edward, I swear I don't." I leaned into him. I knew what monsters were. They were women who abandoned their daughters. They were the teenage girls who fought first and asked questions later. They were girlfriends who laughed at their boyfriend's pain because they simply don't know what else to do. Edward wasn't the monster. "You were protecting yourself. I understand that."

He shifted and dropped me to the ground. I stumbled a little but Edward caught me easily, bending down to close the distance between our heights and catching my lips in his.

My brain reeled as it tried to make sense of what was going on but the thoughts threatened to get lost under the haze of lust that was rapidly growing in me. One hand tangled in my hair as he traced the length of ribs, his fingers ghosting across my breast.  
"When I first saw you I just had to know you," he whispered, his lips brushing against my cheek, his nose nuzzling in my hair. "Your cocky attitude was infuriating but there was something about you, your eyes maybe, that made me need to know you."

I moaned as he paused to nip at my earlobe.

"I don't know, maybe you reminded me of myself," he continued, his hand sliding back down to my waist, his fingers pulling at my t-shirt, looking for entrance to my flesh. "It's like I know what everyone else is thinking, all that mundane bullshit, all their minds alike. You don't need to be a mind reader to know what they're all thinking. It's all the same shit. But you? You were a mystery. I had no idea what you were thinking. I was intrigued."

I was trying to process his words but as his hand made its way back to my breast my brain began to flutter and I had a hard time trying to focus.

"I thought that maybe you would understand me, that maybe I could finally feel normal around someone instead of being this fucked-up guy with an even more fucked-up past."

"You can," I gasped as his fingers plucked my nipple. "I mean, I do. Jesus Edward, I can't think when you do that."

He slid his hand from my shirt and I couldn't stop the pout that was forming on my face. Before I could say anything, he grabbed my hand and practically dragged me up the stairs.

He was already kissing me roughly the moment he shut the door to my bedroom and we stumbled to the bed. Edward's hands kneaded into my flesh, insistent and demanding before he stopped briefly and wrenched his shirt over his head. I hastily mimicked him and groaned when his flesh finally came into contact with mine. With a small amount of shock, I realized he felt like home to me.

Even as we tumbled into bed together, hastily pulling at each others' jeans, trying to expose as much flesh as possible to each other to feel, I knew this was different than all the other times we'd had sex. Edward needed something from me and it showed in the insistence of his touch, the way he kept looking into my eyes, like he was trying to read my mind. Or my soul.

He thrust into me with our eyes still locked, our moans leaving our mouths at the same time, our breath mingling together between us for a quick moment before his lips found my mine. This wasn't just about sex, or lust, or hormones. Edward was looking for something. Something more.

And I was going to give it him.

_

Title  
Whalebones - Man Man

Lyrics  
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel  
Blood Bank - Bon Iver  
Caught by the River - Doves


	16. 10 lb Moustache

The timing on tonight's chapter is a little more, well, timely, right? No? Shit, I guess you're right. One of my New Year's resolutions was to actually post at least once a month. We shall see. Actually, I think that's the only resolution I made. Or remember.

Anyway, in case you've forgotten what happened in the last few chapters, there were some authorities asking about the nasty little black eye Bella received in the mosh pit. It seems some of these folks (okay, a lot of them) were suspicious that perhaps Edward was actually behind the injury. When Bella questions Edward about this, he finally opens up and spills about his past and, Bella being her typical "talk first, think later" self totally offends him.

As usual, 15 Step is intended for adult audiences only and I do not actually own any of the characters in this story. Yet, anyway.

Anything in italics is a song lyric and the title of each chapter is the title of a song. A list will be provided at the end.

Thanks for reading!

xo,

Jenny

"What do you think about this one?" Alice shoved a bright purple top under my nose. It was fitted through the bust but flowed outward, gauzy and loose.

"This baby doll cut would be so cute on you!" Alice gushed, pressing it to my chest. I stared at it in disgust.

"No," I replied forcefully. Alice rolled her eyes but put the top back on the rack, her fingers skimming over multiple hangers, eyes analyzing every shirt on the rack with a great intensity that I couldn't even begin to understand. Nor did I want to.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as she extricated another shirt from the rack. It was black with small red buttons down the front, and looked impossibly tight.

"No." I crossed my arms over my chest and ignored the pleading in her dark eyes.

"Bella, come on." Impatience laced her tone. "There has to be something in this store you like."

"No." I pulled my cell phone out of my bag and checked the time. "Jesus, Alice, we've been here for two hours!"

"And we're not leaving until you pick out at least one outfit that doesn't involve jeans and a band t-shirt," she responded, glaring at my outfit like it personally offended her, which it probably did.

I resisted the urge to strangle her and sighed. It was two months after Edward had confessed his past to me and I was trying to make an effort to become a little more involved in his life, which was why I was standing in a clothing store being strong armed by Alice into buying an outfit she deemed suitable for public viewing. I knew his friends were important to him so when Alice asked me if I wanted to go to Port Angeles for a shopping trip, I agreed, albeit reluctantly.

Now I was wondering if I had made a mistake.

"I like jeans and t-shirts," I explained to Alice, keeping my voice neutral. "Why do I need something else?"

"What if you and Edward go out to a fancy dinner? Or a dance? Or maybe you just want to dress like a girl for once." She arched an eyebrow, inviting challenge.

"Where the fuck are we going to go out to a fancy dinner?" I responded loudly, exasperated. An elderly woman glanced over at us disapprovingly and I gave her the finger. "And I sure as shit don't dance and I don't care about ruffles and crap like that."

"Bella –"

I cut her off before she could even start, throwing my hands up as if they could deflect whatever rant Alice was about to begin. I had learned quickly that what Alice wanted, Alice got. "Fine, fine. I'll go look around."

Alice smirked. "Thank you."

Finally, I settled on a simple black dress that fell to the top of my knees and had three quarter sleeves. Three small black buttons trailed down the front and the skirt flared out slightly. Alice clucked her tongue in disapproval and tried to get me to buy a pair of kitten heels, only giving up when I threatened to stab her with a stiletto. I paid for my purchase and we hurried out of the store.

"That was fun!" Alice chirped when we got into her car and headed back to Forks. "I mean, you managed to pick out the most boring item in the store but it is a dress, so there's that. We'll find you a good style eventually."

"I have style," I retorted. "It's just not one you approve of." I ran a hand through my hair and slumped back into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled back. "If you say so."

We pulled up to a red light and Alice snatched her phone from the console and began texting furiously. "Hey, you want to meet up with Jasper and Emmett and Rose now? Doctor and Mrs. Cullen are out of town this weekend so we'll have the whole house to ourselves. It's party time!"

I had forgotten that Edward mentioned his folks would be away and I smiled slightly. I didn't want to hang out with Jasper and Emmett, though. I wanted to hang out with Edward. Preferably alone and in his room.

Though I would never admit it to anyone, I simply couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Edward was a package deal. If I wanted to be with him, I had to accept the four other people he was closest with. It was hard sometimes, spending so much time with people who never quite treated me like I fit in; Alice was the only exception. Emmett didn't seem to care either way, Jasper barely acknowledged my existence, and Rosalie tolerated me with barely concealed disgust. No matter how many times Edward tried to assure me I wasn't, I knew I was still an outsider, the interloper. _Hang on to the good days/ I can lean on my friends/ They help me going through hard times/ But I'm feeding the enemy/ I'm in league with the foe... _

"Yeah, sure, that's cool." I absently looked out the window, startled to see two icy blue eyes staring right back at me from the car next to us. Squinting, I leaned forward until my nose was touching the glass, and it took a moment to recognize the man grinning at me. James.

He made a motion for me to roll down my window and I shook my head.

"Do it," he mouthed to me, stabbing his finger in my direction, his expression stormy. I glared at him and shook my head again.

"Hey, do you know that guy?" Alice asked, suddenly realizing that my attention was focused on someone other than her.

"He's nobody," I replied. "Don't worry about it."

Alice leaned toward me to get a better look and I tried to push her head away so she couldn't see James but it was useless. "He's kind of cute."

"He's also kind of psychotic," I said under my breath. The light turned green and I turned to look at Alice. "Put the pedal to the metal, peanut."

Alice grinned and the Porsche shot forward. We drove for about ten minutes, Alice chattering animatedly about some movie she and Jasper watched earlier in the week, when she turned off the road and pulled into a gas station.

"I just want to grab a water or something," she explained. "My throat is kind of dry."

"Maybe if you didn't talk so much your throat wouldn't bother you," I offered.

Alice pouted, hurt. "Nice, Bella."

"I was teasing you!" I backpedaled hastily, awkwardly patting her arm. "You know, a joke. Sarcasm."

"Oh." She looked thoughtful. "I can never really tell if you're joking or just being mean."

I sighed, feeling like an asshole, and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Sorry, Alice. You're not the only one." _Woke up this morning and it seemed to me/ that every night turns out to be/ A little more like Bukowski/ And yeah, I know he's a pretty good read/ But God who'd wanna be?/ God who'd wanna be such an asshole?_

The problem was, I wasn't really sorry, not exactly. Alice did talk too much and it was somewhat annoying. I mulled this over as I trailed her into the little mart that was connected to the gas station and began browsing the narrow aisles.

I never had close friends when I was growing up and I wasn't sure how to handle them now. I wasn't completely isolated—there were girls and guys that I was acquaintances with and we occasionally got together and did things but it wasn't often my phone rang. Now I was surrounded by a bunch of teenagers who essentially grew up together. I didn't get their inside jokes and they didn't get my sarcasm. There was just something that didn't mesh and I was sure that if I had never started dating Edward, the rest of them wouldn't have given me a second glance.

They were still Edward's friends, not mine. I knew Edward hoped I would blend in seamlessly with his crowd but it wasn't possible. There were times when I wanted to point out to him that it was highly likely they would all go their separate ways once they graduated high school, that it wasn't smart to put so much energy into people who were planning on leaving to go to away to college.

I didn't say anything though. I was afraid he would realize he was included in that group too. It also made me a hypocrite; each time I swore I was going to pull back, reserve my emotions and energy, I found myself seeking Edward even more, needing and wanting him with an urgency that frightened me. _I think I need to breathe to let the door be open/ But the only one who is choking me is myself/ Why can't I see that you are the sun, the rain, the fuel I need inside/ why can't I see? I'll try..._

I sighed and forced myself to push those thoughts out of my head. In the corner of the mini-mart there was a suspiciously old-looking Slurpee machine and I headed straight for it, envisioning sweet cherry-flavored goodness and freezy headaches. I was so enthralled that I didn't see James until he had my wrist in an iron grip.

"Where's your boy toy?" he asked, pulling me behind a shelf. He was in his typical attire-unassuming jeans and a t-shirt-and the muscles in his arm bulged as I balked, pulling against his grip.

"Let me go," I snarled back, trying to yank my arm away from him. He squeezed tighter.

"So, who's the rich bitch you're hanging out with?" James abandoned his first question for another one - he spoke casually, as if we were chatting about the weather and he was not holding my wrist in a death grip that was rapidly becoming painful.

"Look, what is your problem?" He squeezed harder and tears of pain came to my eyes. I swallowed a gasp and glanced around, looking for Alice, but I didn't see her. The cashier was snapping gum in her mouth and staring at her phone.

"Ah, ah," James said in a sing song voice. "We're going to chat. Don't you even think about yelling for help."

"I wasn't going to," I answered, my voice gravelly as my anger began to grow. "I'll fucking talk to you if stop trying to break my fucking wrist, you psychotic fucking asshole."

"Oooh, there she is!" James released me and I rubbed my arm, glaring balefully at him. "There's my tough old Bella."

His eyes flashed cold and he gave me a sinister smile.

"What do you want?" I crossed my arms over my chest and cautiously took one step back, leaning into my back leg, knowing that the stance would give me enough momentum to cause pain in case I would have to punch him.

"I thought that was obvious," James snorted. "You."

I laughed blackly. "I'm really nothing special, I hate to tell you."

"Oh, but you are, Bella." James moved toward me quickly and my back bumped against the wall. I was cornered; a lick of panic raced through me. "You intrigue me. What's a pretty little girl like you doing at hardcore shows, dancing with all the big boys? You, with your tough walk and talk—I knew you had a good story and I wanted to know what it was. I could tell there was something about you that I would like. That you and me, we had some shit in common, you know? You see, I thought you were something special." He suddenly scowled, dark and hateful.

"But then you dicked me over for some pretty little rich boy," he growled, his face so close to mine I could feel his hot breath against my cheek. Every fiber in my being screamed to kick him in his crotch but I couldn't. I just glowered at him, tense and coiled, waiting for the innate instinct of fight or flight to kick in. It was only a matter of time.

"When I saw you at that show," he continued, "I knew I had to have you. I knew you would be so much fun to play with. I could tell you would try anything, do anything, and I like the adventurous type. But then that dickhead ruined it all. And you lied to me, Bella." The words rang with an icy admonishment, a warning.

"What?" I croaked, confused.

"You told me he wasn't your boyfriend, Bella. Remember?" His hand snaked to my face, his fingertips stroking my cheek.

The moment his hand made connection with my flesh, I was brought back to my senses. I shot my arms out and pushed James away from me. He was so surprised he actually stumbled. Just as he was about to lunge for me, Alice popped up out of nowhere.

The exchange couldn't have taken more than a minute or two but both James and I were panting and glaring at each other like we had just gone twelve rounds in a boxing ring.

"What's going on?" Alice demanded, her normally cheerful tone taking on a dangerous undercurrent. In spite of her tiny stature, she skewered James with an intimidating glare.

"Nothing," I muttered, grabbing her by the arm. "Let's go. Now."

"I have to pay," she started to protest but the look on my face silenced her. She glanced back at James, who was still standing there, staring daggers at us

.

"Fuck it." Alice dumped the bottle of water and candy she was carrying on the nearest shelf and looked up at me, her expression more curious than afraid.

We hurried out the front door but before she made it all the way outside, Alice stopped and yelled at the cashier, "hey, I think there is some asshole trying to steal shit from the back of the store!"

"Alice!" I hissed as I propelled her toward her car. "Don't antagonize the crazy people!"

Neither of us spoke until we were back on the highway, speeding toward Forks. Alice's hands tightened and rubbed at the steering wheel and I knew she wanted to ask me a hundred questions but she was a quick learner and knew that I wouldn't talk until I was ready.

It took ten minutes for me to finally choke out three simple words. "Don't tell Edward," I said. There was no sense in hoping she would just agree without asking any questions.

"Who was that guy?" Alice shot back, flicking her gaze over to me. "He was pissed."

"He's nobody. Listen, promise me you won't tell Edward. Or anyone for that matter." I twisted in my seat so I could face Alice, who was chewing absently on her lip, looking thoughtful. I didn't like when Alice was thoughtful; she was too perceptive for her own good sometimes.

"That one day, a few months ago when Edward got all mad because you were going to a show by yourself," she began slowly, realization dawning. "It was because of that guy, wasn't it?"

"Something like that," I muttered as I narrowed my eyes at Alice, my voice harsh. "Alice, promise me you won't tell Edward," I repeated.

Alice waved a dismissive hand. "Fine, I won't tell Edward. He worries about too much shit, anyway. I mean, the guy didn't touch you or anything, did he? Did he threaten you?"

"No," I lied, turning to look out the window. "He didn't touch me and he didn't threaten me. He's just wanted to talk, that's all."

Alice didn't look convinced but before she could open her mouth I tried to change the subject.

"Did you call Jasper and let him know we're on our way?" I asked innocently. At the sound of his name, Alice's face lit up and she began her incessant chatter, the words tumbling over each other in their haste to leave her mouth. I nodded and made noises when appropriate but otherwise tuned her out, my gaze falling to my wrist, which was beginning to show faint signs of bruising. I hoped I would not be seeing James any time soon.

A few hours later I found myself lounging in the overstuffed chair in Edward's room, flipping through a music magazine. Laughter from downstairs floated occasionally up to us and Edward sat at his desk, filling out a college application - New York University. I tried not to think closely about it. A rare, bright sun beamed through the window, which had been flung open to allow a light breeze to come through. Summer was just around the corner. School would be out soon and next year we would graduate.

"Don't you have any applications you need to fill out?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Not really. I was thinking about going down to the Thriftway to see if they have any positions available." I wrinkled my nose in distaste. "Not that I really want to be a cashier or anything. Maybe I could go to Newton's Sporting—"

"I meant for college," Edward interrupted me dryly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I answered him.

"I'm pretty sure Renee didn't start a college fund for me and my grades are shit. Maybe I'll do community college or something. I need to start saving for an apartment."

"Colleges have dorms, you know."

"And colleges cost a shitload of money." I tossed the magazine aside and twisted, tucking my legs under me so I could look at Edward. "College isn't a big deal. A job is."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I hate to break this to you, but most jobs require a college degree. So, yes, college is a big deal."

I glared at Edward. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," I told him stubbornly as I leaned over and retrieved my abandoned magazine. "Drop it."

"Maybe your father could help." He said it so softly I almost didn't hear it.

"Charlie?" I responded dubiously. "Charlie doesn't have any money laying around for me. I'm lucky he even took me in to begin with." I already owed Charlie more than I ever could repay and there was no way I was going to increase that debt by asking for money for college.

"I meant your birth father."

Edward's words hovered warily in the air and he looked apprehensive. He'd been pushing me about information regarding my birth father lately. I had none to give.

"The only thing that man gave me was some of his DNA, and even then he didn't want to. It was an accident," I snapped. "I highly doubt he's going to come out of nowhere and offer me money for college. And I wouldn't take it, anyway. He can go suck a dick."

Edward sighed and stood. He crossed over to me and knelt down in front of me, cupping my face in his hands as he tried to kiss away my frown. The topic of college was a constant one these days and I hated it. I wished I never had to discuss it because I knew, no matter what anyone else said, I would not be going. Edward would go to some fancy, expensive college and become a doctor or a lawyer while I would spend the rest of my life at a series of dead-end jobs, living paycheck to paycheck. It was a reality that none of my peers seemed to have considered. They chattered on about becoming executives and CEOs; not one of them realized that most people were the drones and pawns—not the kings and queens—of the corporation. I saw the way adults trudged off to their jobs every morning and had no illusions about adulthood, which was why I couldn't really think about it without a large degree of apprehension. _So don't leave me behind/ For I'm lost among my kind/ And now you are broken/ I am less..._

"Don't be upset," he sighed, his lips ghosting across my cheek.

"I'm not." I tried not to pout and failed. Unfurling my legs, I straddled Edward's body and wrapped my arms around him as he leaned his head against my shoulder. We sat in silence and I breathed in Edward's woodsy scent, nuzzling my chin against his disheveled bronzed locks. Slowly, he pulled back and gathered my hands in his.

"Hey, do you want –" he stopped abruptly. "What the hell happened to your wrist?"

I was staring at the back of his head and couldn't see his expression but, judging by the cold tinge in his voice, he wasn't very happy.

"Huh," I murmured as I tried to untangle my fingers from him. Edward's grip only tightened. "I must have banged it on something."

"On what?" he challenged, lifting his head, his eyes piercing mine, expression hard.

"Who the hell knows, Edward," I replied, exasperated. "You know what a fucking klutz I am."

His expression softened and he lightly kissed the bruise James had made.

"Do you want to go to Port Angeles tomorrow and see a movie?" he asked, bruises and college talks apparently forgotten. "I think Face Punch is still playing and I figured you'd like that." He smirked. "Since you're all about punching people in the face."

"Hardy har," I groused, pushing him away jokingly. "I'd love to but Charlie has been pestering me to go to La Push with him. I figure I should play nice for once and do what he asks."

Edward chuckled. "You? Playing nice? Forks is making you soft, Bella," he teased. "Just don't fall in the ocean."

"I'll stay far away," I promised, smiling lightly. "Listen, I better head out. You have college applications to fill out and I have homework I should make a pathetic attempt at completing." I could feel the anxiety creeping into my voice and I needed to leave before Edward realized that I was upset and hiding something from him.

"Oh." He couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice and I felt a twinge of remorse. Without thinking, I grabbed him forcefully, our lips meeting almost violently before I released him.

"I promise I will see you on Sunday," I told him as I pushed to my feet and grabbed my backpack from where it had been lying haphazardly on the floor.

"Sure," he responded with a sigh. "Call me later?"

"Of course." I blew him a kiss. "Later."

I hurried to my truck and climbed in, slamming the door with more force than was necessary and gripped the steering wheel tightly. I felt bad about lying to Edward about the bruise on my wrist and about going to La Push. Charlie had asked me if I wanted to accompany him but I turned him down, as I always did. I just didn't want to go to Port Angeles and risk running into James with Edward at my side.

It wasn't that I thought Edward couldn't take care of himself; I knew he was more than capable. After my conversation with James in the convenience store, I realized that he was solely my problem and I couldn't let Edward be involved any more than he already was. It would be unfair to allow the bullshit in my life to affect him. I would handle it on my own because I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to Edward.

Guiding my truck with hand, I wrestled my iPod out of my backpack and plugged the earbuds into my ears, hoping the music would distract me.

_people say you're strange but I don't buy a word of it_

_people say stay away from her cause she's a sinking ship_

_They said I'm wrong - that my brain operates like a burning bridge_

_I say feed the flames and watch them run away..._

It didn't work. Another thought was slowly worming it's way from the dark recesses of my brain. It was a thought that I tried so hard to keep away from the forefront of my mind, because I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to analyze it, mull it over or act on it. But the talk of colleges, bruises and absentee parents- not to mention a crazy man who was obsessed with me for no apparent reason- were pushing that thought, that niggling little notion, to the spotlight in my brain and I wouldn't be able to ignore it much longer.

I was no good for Edward Cullen.

**Title:**

10 lb. Moustache - Man Man

**Lyrics (in order)**

Phoenix - If Ever I Feel Better

Modest Mouse - Bukowski

Refused - Sunflower Princess

A.A. Bondy -World Without End

Man Man - 10 lb. Moustache

Thanks for reading and please don't hate me for this chapter. kthxbye.

Let me know your thoughts.


End file.
